# Alphabetical how long to close the trail because of bears **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [June 27, 2023, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176 "2023-06-27T14:05:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2023, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/81 "2023-07-03T20:15:50Z")
**C** leaning bears: Trails will be closed while they tidy up. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2023, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/82 "2023-07-03T20:23:12Z")
Democratic Bears: The trail will be open when a majority wants it to be. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2023, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/83 "2023-07-04T02:02:13Z")
**E** nfranchised bears. You just know they voted MAGA, Abandon all hope oh yee who enter the trail. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2023, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/84 "2023-07-04T02:13:17Z")
Fashionable bears: Clothe the trail. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2023, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/85 "2023-07-04T03:11:09Z")
**G** rapist bears: **\color{purple}{\text{Trails are permanently closed until further notice}}.** ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2023, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/86 "2023-07-04T21:02:01Z")
**H** yacinthine bears: trail is closed while rangers can distinguish between grapist bears and those who just rolled in the blueberry patch. ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2023, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/87 "2023-07-05T00:29:33Z")
**I** tchy bears. Harmless; they’re too busy scratching their backs against the tree barks to cause any trouble. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2023, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/88 "2023-07-05T00:41:02Z")
**J** ocose bears. The trail is open. Go on, let them give you a hug. No harm can come of it. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2023, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/89 "2023-07-05T02:16:18Z")
**K** aleidoscope bears - The trails are open, but you should keep your eyes firmly on the trail in front of you while you are moving. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2023, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/90 "2023-07-05T03:04:50Z")
deleted ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2023, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/91 "2023-07-05T04:16:12Z")
Limericking bears: There once were some bears in the trees/who found hikers nearby quite a tease/They ate one or two/thus the rangers all knew:/Close that trail for one week maybe threes. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2023, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/92 "2023-07-05T10:53:08Z")
**M** endacious bears - The trail does not need to be closed, the bears are quite safe. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2023, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/93 "2023-07-05T16:06:23Z")
**N** attering bears: Trails will remain open, just ignore them. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2023, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/94 "2023-07-05T19:13:52Z")
Optimistic Bears: They’re sure the trail will be open tomorrow. They’ll bet their bottom dollar. That tomorrow. Come what may. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2023, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/95 "2023-07-05T19:55:37Z")
Petulant bears. Closed for one day. Not because the bears are dangerous but because they make the experience unpleasant. They’re usually over it (whatever “it” might happen to be) by the next day, and then the trail can be opened again. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2023, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/96 "2023-07-05T20:51:05Z")
**Q** uaker Bears. Parks are open, as the bears believe in non-violence. Unless, y’know, they’re hungry. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2023, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/97 "2023-07-05T20:58:11Z")
Rambunctious bears. Trails open because they don’t want to kill you … but bears will be bears. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2023, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/98 "2023-07-06T02:55:22Z")
**S** ugar bears: Trails are open to “generous” hikers only. ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2023, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/99 "2023-07-06T03:56:42Z")
**T** umescent bears.Trail is closed for safety reasons until things calm down a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2023, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/100 "2023-07-06T13:00:50Z")
**U** gly bears. Hikers are warned not to comment on their appearance. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176.md?page=6)