# Alphabetical how long to close the trail because of bears **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [June 27, 2023, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176 "2023-06-27T14:05:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2023, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/121 "2023-07-07T21:59:38Z")
**O** verly-sensitive bears: Trails will remain open, but be mindful of the bears’ feelings and attend their open-mike poetry readings. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2023, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/122 "2023-07-07T22:15:47Z")
**P** epperwinkle Bears: trails are open, 'cause Pepperwinkle Bears are well-trained. They only go after MAGA hats or QAnon logos. ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2023, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/123 "2023-07-09T01:40:03Z")
**Q** uantum bears. You can never tell exactly what they’re going to do next, unless they get all entangled in the underbrush. Really hard to know when to re-open the trail with these guys. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2023, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/124 "2023-07-09T10:44:28Z")
Random bears: Trail closed for random.randint(1,7) days. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2023, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/125 "2023-07-09T13:00:10Z")
**S** issy Bears: trails are open; if one gets too fresh, just bop 'im on the nose and he’ll run away crying. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2023, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/126 "2023-07-09T17:48:53Z")
**T** orquemada bears: I don’t expect the trials will be closed, but then, nobody expects the trails to be closed! ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2023, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/127 "2023-07-09T18:41:57Z")
**U** biquitous bears: Close the trails, they’re everywhere! ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2023, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/128 "2023-07-09T18:48:27Z")
Vulcan Bears: Don’t need to close the trails. They’re to logical to attack people. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2023, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/129 "2023-07-09T21:23:09Z")
**W** ASP bears: Trails will remain open; bears are at the country club or on a yacht. ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2023, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/130 "2023-07-09T22:43:08Z")
**X** enografting bears: trail is closed for a month while bears are experimenting with zebra skin. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2023, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/131 "2023-07-10T02:44:05Z")
**Y** inzer bears. Advisable to have terrible towel or Penguins jersey and carry an array of Iron City beers. Otherwise avoid, you’ll be talked to relentlessly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2023, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/132 "2023-07-10T13:49:04Z")
**Z** aftig Bears: trails are open; the bears are full anyway, and more interested in mating than harassing humans. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2023, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/133 "2023-07-10T14:46:54Z")
**A** rmed bears: The trail will be closed while we explain what “the right to bear arms” really means. ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2023, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/134 "2023-07-10T15:16:27Z")
**B** are bears: trail open, but clothing optional. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2023, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/135 "2023-07-10T15:20:12Z")
**C** aterwauling bears: Trails will remain open; hikers are advised to wear ear protectors. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2023, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/136 "2023-07-10T17:03:03Z")
**D** ixie Bears: trails closed; the bears will rise again. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2023, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/137 "2023-07-10T21:04:11Z")
**E** lastic bears: The trail is closed until they spring back into the woods. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2023, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/138 "2023-07-10T22:54:34Z")
**F** olksy bears: Trails are open, y’all welcome to sit a spell. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2023, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/139 "2023-07-11T00:02:56Z")
**G** laucomic bears. All those sweets and HFCS they have been pinching have caught up with them. Trails remain open because while the bear are still out there in numbers, they can’t see nuffink. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2023, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/140 "2023-07-11T14:41:17Z")
**H** ungover bears: Trails are open, but tread lightly. If approached, offer them a cup of coffee, or hair of the dog. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176.md?page=8)