# Alphabetical how long to close the trail because of bears **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [June 27, 2023, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176 "2023-06-27T14:05:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2023, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/141 "2023-07-11T18:24:35Z")
**I** nebriated bears: haven’t reached the hung-over phase yet. Don’t let them see your six-pack! ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2023, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/142 "2023-07-11T18:35:01Z")
Jeffersonian bears: “Whenever the people are well informed, they can be trusted with their own government; that whenever things get so far wrong as to attract their notice, they may be relied on to set them to rights.” In other words, trail-users can decide to hike or not. Issue warnings about any active bear presence and leave it up to the hikers themselves to determine their own comfortable level of risk-aversion. ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2023, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/143 "2023-07-11T22:15:31Z")
**K** leptomaniac bears: The trail will remain open, but you are advised to safeguard wallets, purses, cellphones, and pic-a-nic baskets. _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/144 "2023-07-12T04:20:33Z")
**L** agomorphic bears: Trails will remain open while bears will be hopping about. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/145 "2023-07-12T09:52:31Z")
**M** icroscopic bears: Trails are closed until staff can be sure they’ve rounded up all the bears, to ensure hikers won’t unknowingly step on any of them. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/146 "2023-07-12T10:35:37Z")
Necrophilic bears. Trails are closed. If you think being killed to be eaten is a problem, you ain’t heard the half of it. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/147 "2023-07-12T14:00:36Z")
**O** blivious bears: Trails are closed until bears understand why they’re there. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/148 "2023-07-12T18:49:21Z")
**P** -Bears: Trail closed pending arrival of the mothership. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/149 "2023-07-12T19:21:25Z")
Q-Anon bears: Do not let the deep state close the trail! ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/150 "2023-07-12T22:54:53Z")
**R** epublican bears: Trails are open; all are welcome as long as they pledge to uphold conservative Republican values (whatever they may be). And don’t mind the QAnon bears here, they’re mostly harmless unless something sets them off, and then we don’t know them. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2023, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/151 "2023-07-12T22:56:33Z")
**S** chrödinger bears: are there bears on the trail or not? We won’t know until we open the trail. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2023, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/152 "2023-07-13T01:43:42Z")
Ninjaed. I’d been holding the Schrodinger bears in my pocket, then I go eat dinner and maybe my pocket is empty or the bear is dead/alive something. ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2023, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/153 "2023-07-13T02:25:40Z")
**T** hread bears. Let them have a little privacy until they get some decent clothes. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2023, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/154 "2023-07-13T03:01:14Z")
**U** xorious bears. Who loves ya Baby? Trail is open. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2023, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/155 "2023-07-13T13:57:45Z")
**V** amping bears: Trails are open during daylight hours, but no bears are around. Trails are closed at dusk, because no one knows what they do in the shadows. ---
**Author:** ![Bicycle\_Bill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bicycle_bill/32/6208_2.png) [@Bicycle\_Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bicycle_Bill)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2023, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/156 "2023-07-14T09:28:06Z")
**W** oolly bears – Trail will remain open but watch your step … woolly bears are actually harmless caterpillars, and you don’t want to crush them. _ **-“BB”-** _ ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2023, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/157 "2023-07-14T12:21:28Z")
Xantis-yak-eating bears: Close trail until the bears finish eating the xantis yak. Use the time to find out how the xantis yak got into these woods in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2023, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/158 "2023-07-14T12:27:02Z")
Yakety Sax bears - Trails are open, but hikers who don’t appreciate lowbrow humor are advised not to hike until the bears find something else to amuse themselves with. Usually one or two days. ---
**Author:** ![knoodler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@knoodler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knoodler)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2023, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/159 "2023-07-14T15:11:41Z")
**Z** ip-a-dee-doo-dah bears: Trails are closed while we decide if the bears are being racist or just enjoying life. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2023, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176/160 "2023-07-14T17:50:53Z")
**A** mazing Dancing Bears - trails open as long as Simon Smith is in attendance. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alphabetical-how-long-to-close-the-trail-because-of-bears/986176.md?page=9)