# Alright, I'm going to do this ONCE. Ya hear? ONLY ONCE. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 28, 2001, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591 "2001-04-28T02:44:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/21 "2001-04-28T08:00:37Z")
Could we also remind people that “good” is an adjective and “well” is an adverb? “Bob played well.” Not “Bob played good.” It was a good game, it was a good play, Bob is a good coach." But Coach Bob does not teach English well, so give him a good job in the math department. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/22 "2001-04-28T09:20:01Z")
The pedants are getting younger and younger every day. And if you don’t like my use of the word “getting”, **Friedo** – tough! ---
**Author:** ![Timchik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c0e974/32.png) [@Timchik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Timchik)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/23 "2001-04-28T12:10:10Z")
If I may: 1. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with a split infinitive. In fact, such a beast doesn’t even exist, other than in really stretching-it examples as: I’m really going to im-fucking-press you with my knowledge of worthless shibboleths. That, my friends, is an infinitive what be truly split. The “to” is the **marker** of an infinitive - it is not part of the infinitive itself. Feel free to boldly go where Mrs. Grundy has never gone before, to wantonly, indeed promiscuously if such be your fancy, place as much as you want between the word “to” and the infinitive itself, if it makes the sentence work better. Goddamn latinocentric 18th-century grammarians. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/24 "2001-04-28T12:24:39Z")
I can’t believe you left out the semicolon; sometimes people like to use them where inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/25 "2001-04-28T12:38:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JonScribe \* > \*\*Oh, and till is something a clerk keeps money in. > > The contraction for until is ’til. > > Which is another use for Mr. Apostrophe. \*\* I used to believe this, but in fact it’s not true. The most popular usage, by classic legendary writers of old and today, is ‘till’. I don’t know why, but there it is. _(or is that “there it’s” ?)_ ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/26 "2001-04-28T13:57:03Z")
From your OP: > [@](#): > > \*\*“Bob, the house’s odds are far better than yours, imbecile.” \*\* I believe the correct usage is “your’s.” That’s gotta hurt. P.S. I am a frequent violator of all of the things you mention. It’s not that I don’t know what to do; it’s some sort of odd glitch in my hard-wiring. ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/27 "2001-04-28T16:13:53Z")
A joke may be _hysterically funny_, but it is _not_ a(n) hysterical joke. The word you’re looking for is _hilarious_. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/28 "2001-04-28T16:35:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Milossarian \* > \*\*From your OP: > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\*“Bob, the house’s odds are far better than yours, imbecile.” > > \*\* > I believe the correct usage is “your’s.” > That’s gotta hurt. > > P.S. I am a frequent violator of all of the things you mention. It’s not that I don’t know what to do; it’s some sort of odd glitch in my hard-wiring. \*\* Eek! :o I am soooooooooooooooooo sorry. :sobs: ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/29 "2001-04-28T17:04:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pepperlandgirl \* > I always learned that an exclamation point should be used when saying things like “FIRE!” or “Call an ambulance!” _Not_ “We went out to eat yesterday! I can’t believe how good the food was! Tonight I’m going to make pasta! We hope you can come!” (Yes, I actually know someone who uses an exclamation point with every single sentence) > \*\* Really! I’ll be damned! I’ll bet it sucks! You should mention it to her! I hope she stops! ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/30 "2001-04-28T17:04:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by friedo \* > \*\*Here we go. Pay the fuck attention. > 3. To make a noun (with the exception of pronouns) posessive, you add “'s.” To make a word plural, you usually add “es.” “S’” is _only_ acceptable when you are indicating the possessive of a plural." Thus: > “Bob’s IQ is less than his body temperature.” > “Bob, get the fuck out of the way before those flying houses fall on you.” > “Bob, the house’s odds are far better than yours, imbecile.” > “Bob, I don’t think those six houses’ tenants appreciate you shitting in their windows.” > > 1. “It’s” is a contraction of “it is.” “Its” is the posessive form of “it.” (Remember, Mr. Brains-Leaking-out-of-Ears, you do not put apostrophes on pronouns to indicate posession.) Thus: > > “It’s alive! It’s aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!” > “I think I put its head on backwards.” > \*\* Ok color me confused… Why would the noun “Bob” have an apostrophe s to indicate possessive, but the noun “it” not? Do only proper nouns get the apostrophe? Who made this rule? All nouns should show posesive the same way. If I made the rules, no nouns would have an apostrophe to indicate the possesive. The apostrophe should only indicate a contraction and _should_ only be used with an “s” as a shortining of “\_\_\_\_\_ is” as in, “Bob’s an idiot. Bobs I.Q. is less than that of a houseplant.” But then that doesn’t look right, does it. Would you believe I did well in high school English? (Oh so long ago…) Oh and the last example sentence brings me to a little language pet peeve of my own… **"Than"** and **“Then”** are NOT, I repeat, NOT interchangeable! “Than” indicates a choice between two things. “Then” indicates a period of time following a prior period. Examples: “I would rather Bob be banned **than** continue to keep reading his posts!” “Bob posted like a troll, **then** he was banned.” That is all. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/31 "2001-04-28T17:30:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Ok color me confused… Why would the noun “Bob” have an apostrophe s to indicate possessive, > but the noun “it” not? For the same reason you don’t use an apostrophe for “his” or “hers” It doesn’t need it. See? It makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/32 "2001-04-28T17:37:38Z")
**particlewill** , I learned, as **Hazel** mentioned in a previous post, that the possessive “its” does not have an apostrophe simply so that it will not be confused with “it’s,” as the contraction of “it is.” A rule purely for the sake of clarification, if you will. My own apostrophe pet peeve: Bob, stop correcting me if you don’t know what the heck you’re talking about. When a noun is plural, an apostrophe without an “S” will make it possessive. Therefore, Bob has two dogs. The dogs have a chew toy. Bob, kindly stop chewing on the dogs’ toy. However, if a name ends with an “S”, it is perfectly correct to write that Bob’s neighbor Carlos also has a chew toy (presumably, he also has a dog). Bob, feel free to go ahead and gnaw on \*\* Carlos’s \*\* toy. Egad, the example of a doggy toy sounds extremely twisted. I think I’m not going to hang out with Bob anymore, if that’s what he does for fun. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/33 "2001-04-28T17:40:37Z")
PLEASE stop saying that you “feel badly” to express illness or regret or another unpleasant state of being or of mind. To “feel badly” means that you have an inferior sense of, or ability to, touch. Use “feel bad” instead. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/34 "2001-04-28T17:43:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Ok color me confused… Why would the noun “Bob” have an apostrophe s to indicate possessive, but the noun “it” not? The distinction is not between proper nouns and common nouns. The distinction is between nouns and pronouns. The word _it_ is a pronoun and does not take an apostrophe in the possessive. Both _Bob_ (proper noun) and _cow_ (common noun) do take an apostrophe to indicate possession. **Bob’s** foot hurts. The **cow’s** foot crushed it. **Its** cloven hoof was too much for **Bob’s** sandal to support. (Its = the cow’s) ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/35 "2001-04-28T17:52:43Z")
My head hurts. I think I would rather just keep screwing up on the apostrophe thing. But it all does make sense.ezcept… I still think that the possesive for Bob should be Bobs or Bobs’ and not Bob’s. An apostrophe within a word indicates a contraction everywhere else. I can see the it’s/its thing but wouldn’t the same confusion arise from, say, “Bob’s chew toy”, and Bob’s going out" where in the second, the apostrophe indicates a shortening of “Bob is”? _bzzt_ _pop!_ Damn. Another neuron burned out. ---
**Author:** ![Grimace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@Grimace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grimace)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/36 "2001-04-28T18:50:25Z")
Now I know why Bob failed so bad when he worked for Microsoft. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/37 "2001-04-28T19:19:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by friedo \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Milossarian \* > > > > I believe the correct usage is “your’s.” > > Eek! :o I am soooooooooooooooooo sorry. > > :sobs: > \*\* Waitaminnit here. You is a pronoun. The posessives of pronouns don’t have apostrophes, like I said in the first place. So “yours” is correct, isn’t it? I was right the first time, wasn’t I?. Shit. I dunno. I’m gonna have to actually look this up. ---
**Author:** ![asphodel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ea924/32.png) [@asphodel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asphodel)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/38 "2001-04-28T19:30:16Z")
_My_ personal pet peeve is people who say “irregardless…”. Irregardless **is not a word**. You do not need the additional “ir” at the beginning, this is a double negative. I find it quite sufficient to say “Regardless of what others may think, you are a moron with a trout for a brain.” ---
**Author:** ![Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/df788c/32.png) [@Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/39 "2001-04-28T21:25:04Z")
Heh… know what I hate… you know… folks using lots of ellipses… what is yer problem folks… heh… you know… write with enough ellipses… you start to sound like… heh… some kind of obscene phone caller… or maybe like a pedophile or somethin’… I once met a guy on a politics list whose posts would be snippets of political slogans connected by ellipses and multiple exclamation points, peppered with interjections. Like so: Heh… if guns are outlawed… anyway… child not a choice… right!!! you know… freon doesn’t cause global warming… AL GORE DOES!!! -Ben ---
**Author:** ![AwSnappity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2001, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591/40 "2001-04-28T23:57:07Z")
“Farther” indicates a specific distance. “Further” is used when there is a vague distance. examples: Friedo ran farther than Bob. Friedo’s education went further than Bob’s. ALSO One does not say “I ran farther than her.” It should be “I ran farther than she” or “I ran farther than she did.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-im-going-to-do-this-once-ya-hear-only-once/63591.md?page=3)