# Alright, this is how my hamburger(s) should be **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 10, 2018, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737 "2018-10-10T03:10:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/21 "2018-10-10T14:37:28Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > We just called that a ‘hamburger deluxe’, I’d never heard of it as a California thing because I’ve seen it everywhere. Oh, I know it’s everywhere, but I just associate it with California for some reason. Maybe it’s only me. ETA: [Okay, it’s not just me.](http://www.americanfoodroots.com/50-states/california-burger-means-different-things-different-people/) > [@](#): > > A “California burger” can mean one of two things. In the earlier half of the 20th century, a California burger came topped with lettuce, onion and tomato. Today, these toppings are ubiquitous, but at a time when California was known for having access to the freshest produce year round, a burger garnished with fresh vegetables came to be associated with the Golden State. ETA2: Oh, not to keep you in suspense, but the newer meaning means containing guacamole or avocado. Now, I didn’t grow up in the early have of the 20th Century, but I just picked up the “California burger” thing somehow, anyway. Maybe from just reading about hamburgers in general. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/22 "2018-10-10T14:41:24Z")
OK, I can see that. But I wasn’t around in the earlier half of the 20th century. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/23 "2018-10-10T14:43:26Z")
Fresh tomatoes are a blunder; they simply make the burger sloppier than it should be, and difficult to handle. Lettuce adds nothing to the experience. Raw onion and dill pickled slices, white American cheese, yellow mustard and a schmear of mayo to velvetize and add tang. Congratulations! This is our ONE HUNDRETH “How to fix your hamburger properly” thread! ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/24 "2018-10-10T14:57:20Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > It should be noted that a hamburger patty “done right” is made thin, with maximum surface area to develop tasty Maillard reactions, with crispy bits around the edges. Thick meatballs with significant pink in the middle do not belong between buns. When I started making burgers in my panini press with the flat plates it almost changes my life. 1/4" thick & really crispy. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/25 "2018-10-10T14:59:27Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > OK, I can see that. But I wasn’t around in the earlier half of the 20th century. 😉 Like I said, neither was I. Born in '75. But I somehow picked it up along the way. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/26 "2018-10-10T15:05:08Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Fresh tomatoes are a blunder; they simply make the burger sloppier than it should be, and difficult to handle. Lettuce adds nothing to the experience. > > Raw onion and dill pickled slices, white American cheese, yellow mustard and a schmear of mayo to velvetize and add tang. > > Congratulations! This is our ONE HUNDRETH “How to fix your hamburger properly” thread! Mayo??!? Get a rope. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/27 "2018-10-10T15:06:03Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Congratulations! This is our ONE HUNDRETH “How to fix your hamburger properly” thread! Subtlety. Subtlety. This is a “how to fix MY hamburger properly” thread. Big difference. It’s a kinder and gentler time. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/28 "2018-10-10T16:26:07Z")
> [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](#): > > Good luck getting a burger without cheese. You tell them all you want is bread and meat and they are going to ask you, “do you want cheese on that?” It might still come with cheese on it. Grill your own - that’s the route to good burgers. There’s only one place I’d rather eat a burger at than grill my own. [Duffy’s Tavern](http://www.duffystavernami.com/), Anna Maria Island, FL. Their brie and caramelized onion burger is _amazing_. USA Today rated them one of the top 10 burger places in the country. That’s how good a place has to be, to be better than what I can grill for myself. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/29 "2018-10-10T16:30:12Z")
Oh, and being a snob about what one should or shouldn’t put on one’s burger? Better than the same bit of snobbery with respect to hot dogs, I’ll grant you. BUT this is still _ground beef_ we’re talking about, not filet mignon. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/30 "2018-10-10T16:33:53Z")
Filet Mignon?! You apparently haven’t been over to the [steak thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=863492). ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/31 "2018-10-10T16:34:19Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > Oh, and being a snob about what one should or shouldn’t put on one’s burger? Better than the same bit of snobbery with respect to hot dogs, I’ll grant you. BUT this is still _ground beef_ we’re talking about, not filet mignon. Honestly, I’ll take the ground beef four times out of five over the filet. Don’t get snobby yourself about meat, mister! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/32 "2018-10-10T16:43:50Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > Filet Mignon?! You apparently haven’t been over to the [steak thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=863492). I have! Thought I’d posted there, actually, but apparently not. ---
**Author:** ![EscAlaMike](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/escalamike/32/4177_2.png) [@EscAlaMike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EscAlaMike)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/33 "2018-10-10T16:43:51Z")
I like loading my hamburger up wth all kinds of stuff. Sometimes I like it spicy, sometimes cheesy, sometimes meaty, I’m not picky. My only rule is that I will not abide ketchup AND a tomato. It must be one or the other. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/34 "2018-10-10T16:49:25Z")
Perfect burger starts with steak. Trim off all visible fat, then grind the steak. Make a nice 1/4 to 1/2 pound patty and sous vide rare. Torch the exterior lightly. Serve on a bun, topping the burger with either a fried egg or a thick slice of avocado. Various condiments on the table. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/35 "2018-10-10T16:52:11Z")
OK, can we agree that avocado, fried eggs and fucking beetroot have no place on a burger? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/36 "2018-10-10T16:53:21Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > OK, can we agree that avocado, fried eggs and fucking beetroot have no place on a burger? Nope. Not a fan of avocado, but eggs are fantastic if you like them runny (and I know you don’t, otherwise I would agree it’s a waste), and beetroot is just another kind of pickle (and my Polish genes prohibit me from saying anything negative about beets.) ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/37 "2018-10-10T16:58:40Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > the burger sloppier than it should be, and difficult to handle. If this is something you worry about I don’t want your burger 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/38 "2018-10-10T17:20:17Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Mayo??!? > > Get a rope. See John “Best Food Wirter in America” Thorne’s transcendant hamburger essay “Burger Heaven.” Mayo is _de rigeur._ Unless you don’t like mayonnaise on your hamburger. Then you can leave it off, no skin off my butt. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/39 "2018-10-10T17:27:23Z")
Hate mayo on a burger. But then, I love Thousand Island on one, so my opinion is highly suspect on the matter. 😛 If I ever find the guy that started the whole “Brioche bun for our upscale burger” trend I’m gonna kick him in the gahoolies. Brioche can’t stand up to either the condiments or the natural juices, so the bun disintegrates before you get 5 bites in. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/40 "2018-10-10T17:30:48Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Hate mayo on a burger. But then, I love Thousand Island on one, so my opinion is highly suspect on the matter. 😛 > > If I ever find the guy that started the whole “Brioche bun for our upscale burger” trend I’m gonna kick him in the gahoolies. Brioche can’t stand up to either the condiments or the natural juices, so the bun disintegrates before you get 5 bites in. Wait, what? I used to _hate_ brioche buns on burgers, precisely because they were _too_ rich and sturdy for a burger. Now the ones I see being sold commercially seem to be halfway between brioche and a normal hamburger bun, and stand up to a burger better than a bog-standard white bun. Now, I’m a fan of my white hamburger buns with sesame seeds (Martin’s, especially), but potato rolls are also where it’s at (Martin’s, as well.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737.md?page=3)