# Alright, this is how my hamburger(s) should be **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 10, 2018, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737 "2018-10-10T03:10:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/41 "2018-10-10T17:34:59Z")
The finest ground steak cooked medium rare. A slightly toasted bun. A quarter inch thick slice of onion on the bottom, with the burger on top of that, and pickle slices on top of that, and a slice of tomato on top of that, and horseradish mustard on top of that, and some lettuce on top of that, and then the top of the bun last. Perfect! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/42 "2018-10-10T17:50:46Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Wait, what? I used to _hate_ brioche buns on burgers, precisely because they were _too_ rich and sturdy for a burger. Now the ones I see being sold commercially seem to be halfway between brioche and a normal hamburger bun, and stand up to a burger better than a bog-standard white bun. Now, I’m a fan of my white hamburger buns with sesame seeds (Martin’s, especially), but potato rolls are also where it’s at (Martin’s, as well.) Please forward the brand names of these buns to the buyers in Las Vegas, because every single burger I’ve had in the last several years in one of the more upscale resorts has fallen apart almost instantly. We’re talking Wynn and Palazzo here, not Casino Royale. I’d rather a bog standard white bun than those brioche monstrosities. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/43 "2018-10-10T17:55:44Z")
I found my perfect burger somewhat by accident. Every once in a while when I go to Five Guys, instead of getting a boring old ketchup mustard pickle onion lettuce burger, I’ll get grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, jalapenos, and BBQ sauce. One day when I ordered this, the counter drone asked me if I wanted the jalapenos grilled too. Sure, I said. I didn’t even know that was an option. OMFG that was amazing! ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/44 "2018-10-10T18:07:03Z")
Good quality meat Well-judged amounts of other items Don’t get all “creative” on me - burgers have been around a while - if your idea is new, then it’s also wrong. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/45 "2018-10-10T18:07:14Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > they simply make the burger sloppier than it should be, and difficult to handle > [@sitchensis](#): > > If this is something you worry about I don’t want your burger 🙂 Seconded! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/46 "2018-10-10T18:09:02Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Please forward the brand names of these buns to the buyers in Las Vegas, because every single burger I’ve had in the last several years in one of the more upscale resorts has fallen apart almost instantly. We’re talking Wynn and Palazzo here, not Casino Royale. I’d rather a bog standard white bun than those brioche monstrosities. [These are the ones I’ve used](https://turano.com/product/brioche-sandwich-rolls/). My main issue with brioche is that it’s just way too rich a bun for something that is already rich as hell. Plus they’re usually expensive as hell compared with your standard hamburger bun. . ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/47 "2018-10-10T18:33:49Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Perfect burger starts with steak. Trim off all visible fat, then grind the steak. Make a nice 1/4 to 1/2 pound patty and sous vide rare. Torch the exterior lightly. Serve on a bun, topping the burger with either a fried egg or a thick slice of avocado. Various condiments on the table. You and **Jasmine** are incorrect, sir or madam. Good steak is wasted as ground meat. What you want is ground chuck roast, which is about 20% fat. Fat=flavor, so the less you have of it, the more tasteless the cut. Why filet mignon is/was so popular and expensive is beyond my ken. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/48 "2018-10-10T18:42:44Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > Seconded! 😃 Hey, bastards, I just don’t like burgers (or sandwiches) that fall apart into my lap before i’m halfway through them. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/49 "2018-10-10T18:50:32Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > You and **Jasmine** are incorrect, sir or madam. Good steak is wasted as ground meat. What you want is ground chuck roast, which is about 20% fat. Fat=flavor, so the less you have of it, the more tasteless the cut. Why filet mignon is/was so popular and expensive is beyond my ken. Some of us fo not like fat, flavor or not. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/50 "2018-10-10T18:53:20Z")
That’s why we saved you the rice cakes 😃 ---
**Author:** ![HowSoonIsThen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@HowSoonIsThen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HowSoonIsThen)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/51 "2018-10-10T19:12:48Z")
Cheese in general is fine on a burger, but American cheese specifically I can do without. Every trendy burger place out here uses it, but it’s a massive turn off for me. I’m just not very hip, sadly. The best hamburger is the “burger with the lot” every half decent place in Australia sells: Meat patty Lettuce Onion Tomato Cheddar cheesbeetroot Egg Bacon Pineapple BBQ sauce The best burger, though, is the Portuguese chicken burger. ---
**Author:** ![HowSoonIsThen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@HowSoonIsThen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HowSoonIsThen)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/52 "2018-10-10T19:17:11Z")
Also, Following the debate about buns, it’s just a regular white, flat/round bread roll for me. The ones sold as “hamburger buns” won’t do. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/53 "2018-10-10T19:22:55Z")
> [@HowSoonIsThen](#): > > Every trendy burger place out here uses it, but it’s a massive turn off for me. > > I’m just not very hip, sadly. I was going to say, how in the hell is American cheese trendy and hip? That’s like calling Heinz ketchup trendy and hip. I mean, it’s like the most basic, cheap-ass non-trendy cheese there is. Then I saw the “Australila.” Ah, okay. So American cheese is now hip in Australian? Interesting. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/54 "2018-10-10T19:24:02Z")
> [@HowSoonIsThen](#): > > The best burger, though, is the Portuguese chicken burger. I don’t know what that is – I assume some piri piri type sandwich, but that’s not a burger, no matter what they call it. That’s a chicken sandwich. ---
**Author:** ![HowSoonIsThen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@HowSoonIsThen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HowSoonIsThen)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/55 "2018-10-10T19:54:30Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > So American cheese is now hip in Australian? Interesting. It sure seems that way. Any place run by hairy twenty something hipsters blasting music will be filled with American style burgers and cheese. > [@pulykamell](#): > > I don’t know what that is – I assume some piri piri type sandwich, but that’s not a burger, no matter what they call it. That’s a chicken sandwich. Yeah, piri piri. Down here, it’s only a sandwich if it’s between slices of bread. Put it on a bread roll, it stops being a sandwich. It may not always become a burger, though. That requires some kind of patty (or something similar). Aren’t these arbitrary distinctions fun? I mean, a loaf of bread is basically a large roll cut up more times. The point is, keep American cheese off my burger/sandwich/roll/croissant/wrap/whatever. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/56 "2018-10-10T20:27:52Z")
I’m just being a little cheeky. If it’s ground, we’d call it a burger here, too. Turkey is our usual poultry burger meat, though chicken exists. Do you have a recipe or example of this chicken burger/sandwich you can point me to, as I may like to grill one up, being a lover of piri piri. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/57 "2018-10-10T20:36:08Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Some of us fo not like fat, flavor or not. In a burger patty, you’re only talking about 30 calories difference between 20% fat and lean. To each his own, of course, but a lean beef patty is like sawdust for me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/58 "2018-10-10T20:58:14Z")
I like a Kaiser roll, pub burger, with lettuce, tomato, raw onion, spicy mustard, mayo, and maybe some pickles. Cheese is a little gross with beef, IMO, and I eat burgers rarely enough that it makes me sad when it shows up anyway. I’ve had a variety of cool kid toppings–everything from bacon to lardons to pickled jalapenos to feta to some sort of house-made special sauce to what-have-you–and none of them have made the burger any better. I want my veggies, my mustard, my mayo, my burger. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/59 "2018-10-10T21:02:12Z")
OK, I’ll try the beetroot, but I draw the line at corn, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2018, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/60 "2018-10-10T21:56:45Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > OK, I’ll try the beetroot, but I draw the line at corn, dammit! :eek: Is this an actual thing? I mean, I guess I could kinda maybe see corn relish, but why? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737.md?page=4)