# Alright, this is how my hamburger(s) should be **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 10, 2018, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737 "2018-10-10T03:10:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/81 "2018-10-11T14:39:33Z")
> [@Sloe\_Moe](#): > > Where are the sensible ones? Put something as alien as ketsup, mayonaisse, or mustard on a burger and it stops tasting like cooked ground beef. Adding anything else just takes the good beef taste farther away. Some flavors complement each other. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/82 "2018-10-11T14:43:13Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > Hey, bastards, I just don’t like burgers (or sandwiches) that fall apart into my lap before i’m halfway through them. Never had that problem, even with a hefty slice of fresh tomato, and plenty of ketchup and mayo. And I use the cheapo store-brand hamburger buns. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/83 "2018-10-11T14:45:20Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > You and **Jasmine** are incorrect, sir or madam. Good steak is wasted as ground meat. What you want is ground chuck roast, which is about 20% fat. Fat=flavor, so the less you have of it, the more tasteless the cut. Why filet mignon is/was so popular and expensive is beyond my ken. For steaks, it makes a little sense, in that it’s a very underused muscle in the cow, and therefore has very little intramuscular connective tissue, unlike say… the brisket. So if tenderness is your thing, a filet mignon is going to give you that if cooked properly, even at the expense of flavor. But in a burger, the toughness of the original cut of meat isn’t going to be much of an issue, because it’s already ground. But the fat content does matter; if you go too low, your burger will end up dry and crumbly, which is never good. And most steak cuts are chosen because they’re appropriately fatty and little used, so they’re inherently tender. So Chefguy’s right- you want about 20% fat, and whether or not it’s inherently tender isn’t much of an issue, so chuck is about perfect. Many high-end burger places blend cuts - specific percentages of chuck, short rib, brisket, clod, etc… to try and get the right fat content, tenderness and flavor. (some flavor does come from the meat itself, not only the fat). ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/84 "2018-10-11T15:01:51Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > Never had that problem, even with a hefty slice of fresh tomato, and plenty of ketchup and mayo. And I use the cheapo store-brand hamburger buns. I have to agree. I’m struggling to think of a time any burger from anywhere or homemade has ever fallen apart while I’m eating it. What are you guys doing? Getting it dipped a la an Italian beef or French dip or something? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/85 "2018-10-11T15:36:28Z")
> [@bump](#): > > But in a burger, the toughness of the original cut of meat isn’t going to be much of an issue, because it’s already ground. But the fat content does matter; if you go too low, your burger will end up dry and crumbly, which is never good. I grind a filet with near zero fat and sous vide the burger rare. It is moist and doesn’t crumble. And, I love it! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/86 "2018-10-11T15:50:48Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I have to agree. I’m struggling to think of a time any burger from anywhere or homemade has ever fallen apart while I’m eating it. What are you guys doing? Getting it dipped a la an Italian beef or French dip or something? I will note that I have only had this problem at upscale restaurants where a basic burger costs double digits. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/87 "2018-10-11T16:17:39Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I grind a filet with near zero fat and sous vide the burger rare. It is moist and doesn’t crumble. And, I love it! Admission time here: sometimes I can’t figure out which posts are for real, and which ones are parodies of the other posts that are for real. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/88 "2018-10-11T17:17:45Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Admission time here: sometimes I can’t figure out which posts are for real, and which ones are parodies of the other posts that are for real. Really? I hate fat. A greasy burger turns me off. I do not have a gallbladder, maybe that contributes, I’m not sure. I have gout, and yet I eat all the “bad” foods and drink beer. I eat sardines, anchovies, blind robins and other things that gross some folks out. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/89 "2018-10-11T17:34:12Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > You and **Jasmine** are incorrect, sir or madam. Good steak is wasted as ground meat. What you want is ground chuck roast, which is about 20% fat. Fat=flavor, so the less you have of it, the more tasteless the cut. Why filet mignon is/was so popular and expensive is beyond my ken. Yes, I’ve seen places that advertise Kobe beef hamburgers, which is nonsense. Putting aside the fact that none of these places are getting real Kobe beef, the whole point of Kobe beef is its marbling. And any marbling is lost when you grind up the meat to make a burger. Saying you used Kobe beef to make a higher quality burger is like saying you ground up a statue to make higher quality gravel - the quality you paid extra for was lost in the process. You’re telling people you’re gullible. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/90 "2018-10-11T17:54:21Z")
I am not a big fan of the typical hamburger bun. Too much flavorless soft, sweet, bread. I prefer a toasted French bread or sourdough. The patty should be slightly pink inside, not overcooked. The Wendy’s e-coli scare from the '80s forced all fast food and restaurant burgers to be overcooked hockey pucks. The ideal onion is a crisp sweet onion, a Walla Walla or a Vidalia type. Red onion is acceptable. If all you have are sharp yellow or white onions, leave it off. Some mayo and pepper only, maybe some mustard. I hate, hate, hate too much goopy shit. Ketchup is for hot dogs. 😃 Relish, see goopy. Blu cheese is for salad. Pickles belong on the side to sort of cleanse the palate, they do not belong on the burger. Crisp Iceberg lettuce is a possibility, for the moist crunch but is not necessary. As for the rest, bacon does not belong on everything, ditto cheese. Tasty lettuce and other greens belong in a salad. Avocado? Beet root? Mushrooms? I want to taste the burger! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/91 "2018-10-11T18:27:06Z")
> [@Dallas\_Jones](#): > > Ketchup is for hot dogs. 😃 The hot dog purists (shouldn’t that be an oxymoron?) insist that ketchup on hot dogs is an abomination, but I assume that the 😃 was about that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/92 "2018-10-11T18:31:39Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I have to agree. I’m struggling to think of a time any burger from anywhere or homemade has ever fallen apart while I’m eating it. What are you guys doing? Getting it dipped a la an Italian beef or French dip or something? I’ll sometimes have a burger start to fall apart when there’s only a bite or two left, but (a) the reason it’s goopy, if it is, is because either the top or bottom bun is almost entirely gone, and (b) that’s when you don’t set the burger down until you finish those last two bites. It’s all good. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/93 "2018-10-11T18:43:58Z")
The gospel of hamburgers that I have preached for years: 80/20 ground chuck strikes the perfect balance between having enough fat to produce a moist, flavorful burger, and not so much fat that it causes flare-ups on the grill that will produce thick choking smoke and overcook the outside of your burger. I form my patties. I season both sides with black pepper and onion salt, nothing more. I cook them on a hot grill, flipping every 90 seconds, moving them around for even cooking. I put cheese on them for the final minute of cooking so that it melts nicely. I put them on a bun with no adornments. I enjoy them in peace and contemplation of life’s simple pleasures. About the only things I can or would change about this process are the buns. If you want to toast them, great, toasted buns are delightful. And, I’ve never found a sourdough bun that I can use for home-cooked burgers, they just don’t seem to stock them anywhere. Nicely toasted sourdough buns were the one reason I used to love Carl’s Jr., which went out of business here years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/94 "2018-10-11T19:58:55Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > The gospel of hamburgers that I have preached for years: 80/20 ground chuck strikes the perfect balance between having enough fat to produce a moist, flavorful burger, and not so much fat that it causes flare-ups on the grill that will produce thick choking smoke and overcook the outside of your burger. > > I form my patties. I season both sides with black pepper and onion salt, nothing more. I cook them on a hot grill, flipping every 90 seconds, moving them around for even cooking. I put cheese on them for the final minute of cooking so that it melts nicely. I put them on a bun with no adornments. I enjoy them in peace and contemplation of life’s simple pleasures. > > About the only things I can or would change about this process are the buns. If you want to toast them, great, toasted buns are delightful. And, I’ve never found a sourdough bun that I can use for home-cooked burgers, they just don’t seem to stock them anywhere. Nicely toasted sourdough buns were the one reason I used to love Carl’s Jr., which went out of business here years ago. I’m now a fan of smash burgers, wherein you take a ball of ground and whack it good with a heavy skillet so it’s about 1/4"-3/8" thick. Flash fry it for about two minutes on a side and you have a nicely crisp, juicy, medium-rare burger. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/95 "2018-10-11T20:31:48Z")
Stop stop stop, all you you! Seriously, have you forgotten the wise words of Jimmy Buffet? Lettuce Tomato Heinz 57 French fried potatoes Big kosher pickle Cold draft beer Honestly. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/96 "2018-10-11T20:47:36Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > The gospel of hamburgers that I have preached for years: 80/20 ground chuck strikes the perfect balance between having enough fat to produce a moist, flavorful burger, and not so much fat that it causes flare-ups on the grill that will produce thick choking smoke and overcook the outside of your burger. > > I form my patties. I season both sides with black pepper and onion salt, nothing more. I cook them on a hot grill, flipping every 90 seconds, moving them around for even cooking. I put cheese on them for the final minute of cooking so that it melts nicely. I put them on a bun with no adornments. I enjoy them in peace and contemplation of life’s simple pleasures. > > About the only things I can or would change about this process are the buns. If you want to toast them, great, toasted buns are delightful. And, I’ve never found a sourdough bun that I can use for home-cooked burgers, they just don’t seem to stock them anywhere. Nicely toasted sourdough buns were the one reason I used to love Carl’s Jr., which went out of business here years ago. Ah, yes, that reminds me: griddled, not grilled, burgers for me. There are actually a few places here that give you the choice, and I’ll take it on a flattop over a grill every single time. ---
**Author:** ![Sloe\_Moe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sloe\_Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sloe_Moe)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/97 "2018-10-11T22:49:19Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Stop stop stop, all you you! > > Seriously, have you forgotten the wise words of Jimmy Buffet? > > Lettuce > Tomato > Heinz 57 > French fried potatoes > Big kosher pickle > **Cold draft beer** > > Honestly. Oh my don’t remind me of combining beer and burgers. At one party I had three sets in less than two hours. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/98 "2018-10-11T22:54:35Z")
> [@amaguri](#): > > Growing up we almost always had hamburgers on wonder bread (as opposed to a hamburger bun) and it always made me feel like white trash. I mean, we were white trash, but this is one of the things that really made it obvious. What’s funny to me about this now (and yes, this happened to me as a child) is that in almost every store I go to hamburger buns are cheaper than a loaf of Wonder bread, at least these days. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/99 "2018-10-11T22:56:15Z")
Toasted bun, medium rare burger, salt and pepper, raw onion, mayonnaise. YUM. ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2018, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737/100 "2018-10-11T23:36:50Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Lettuce > Tomato > Heinz 57 > French fried potatoes > Big kosher pickle > Cold draft beer You forgot the previous verse… Medium Rare with Mustard’d be nice Heaven on Earth with an Onion Slice Mine depends on my mood and it can vary quite a bit. I do agree that bacon doesn’t work well on a burger but it seems to get used so often now. The one exception I have come across is a burger at a local small chain brew house called Scotty’s (all owned by the same guy so I don’t really know if it qualifies as a chain). They make a pub burger with creamy peanut butter, sauteed fresh jalapeno slices, Cheddar cheese and thick cut bacon. I don’t know what it is but this combo really works. The first time I ordered it I asked the server if it was any good and she said that if I didn’t like it she would buy me dinner… clearly she didn’t have to. Normally I’m fairly basic and with just a few basic toppings. Which ones just depend on how I feel at the time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alright-this-is-how-my-hamburger-s-should-be/822737.md?page=6)