# Alternatives to buying Greenland **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 19, 2019, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877 "2019-08-19T09:05:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mandala](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mandala/32/95_2.png) [@mandala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mandala)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/1 "2019-08-19T09:05:19Z")
In his zealous drive to enrich America, President Trump wants to buy Greenland, but inexplicably, the Danes are against the idea. The Danes don’t seem to know a good deal when it stares them in the face. Bummer. To quench the presidential appetite for real estate, I propose, for his kind consideration, the following alternatives: 1. Buy all of Afghanistan. Then no need to strike a deal with the wily Pakis for troop withdrawal. It will also crush Pakistan’s quest for “strategic depth”. And checkmate China. And Russia. And the Taliban. 2. Buy Held Scotland or Occupied Wales. Steer clear of Londonistan. 3. Buy Pakistan-occupied Balochistan. Filled with elements like gold and copper. Numerous mines in the area. Going for cheap due to the low-brow neighborhood. Again we get to whip Iran and Pakistan in one shot. 4. Buy out little Israel. We get top technology, a great war machinery, and get to keep the slimy ME sheikhs on a tight leash. Further suggestions are welcome. Note that the mighty superpower can also buy pieces of the ocean all around the world. I suppose America’s top real estate agent would know how to price water bodies. Question is, who do you pay? ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/2 "2019-08-19T09:12:03Z")
Better yet, let him do a time share down in Antarctica. ---
**Author:** ![Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_Arachnid_Laser_1)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/3 "2019-08-19T09:15:26Z")
Now, hear me out, it’s going to sound weird at first, okay? Buy Mexico. Then you can build as many walls as you want, and technically, Mexico will partially be paying for them. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/4 "2019-08-19T09:32:51Z")
Why stick to boring old Earth? You want to show off, annex Mars! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/5 "2019-08-19T09:43:09Z")
Buy Catalonia, but only those administrative districts (_ajuntaments_ or _districtes_) which voted for Catexit in the 1-O referendum. Since it is in the US’s best interests to ensure that there will not be Hispanic contamination, y’all handle the necessary arrangements regarding roads, walls, bridges, highways, gasoducts et al. It is the most Anglo-philic corner of Spain and possibly of Continental Europe, a very strong economy, and has very good Universities including several which already offer most of their coursework in English. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/6 "2019-08-19T09:51:50Z")
OP’s point 2 misses a trick. There’s a slightly used Northern Ireland… ---
**Author:** ![mandala](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mandala/32/95_2.png) [@mandala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mandala)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/7 "2019-08-19T09:57:37Z")
> [@PatrickLondon](#): > > OP’s point 2 misses a trick. There’s a slightly used Northern Ireland… El Presidente would be happy to consider that. You don’t have too many Hispanics down there, do you? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/8 "2019-08-19T10:01:12Z")
Nah, all those computer programmers are mostly in the Republic of Ireland and anyway they don’t count as _Hispanohablantes_ (Spanish-speakers, the origin of the word Hispanic). They barely speak and when they do speak it tends to be in pseudocode. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/9 "2019-08-19T10:14:04Z")
Pick up another 99 year lease on Hong Kong, but this time with automatic renewal. It will take a nuclear war to force the issue, but why not? We weren’t doing anything with them anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Wrenching\_Spanners](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecb155/32.png) [@Wrenching\_Spanners](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wrenching_Spanners)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/10 "2019-08-19T10:54:21Z")
Mongolia. 1.56 million square kilometres and only 3 million people. Plus it would annoy the Hell out of both China and Russia. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/11 "2019-08-19T10:56:46Z")
I dunno - he seems to have this thing about Norway… ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/12 "2019-08-19T11:05:14Z")
Cayman Islands. Then immediately make it the 51st state. Piss the hell outta PR. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/13 "2019-08-19T11:29:35Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Buy Catalonia, but only those administrative districts (_ajuntaments_ or _districtes_) which voted for Catexit in the 1-O referendum. Since it is in the US’s best interests to ensure that there will not be Hispanic contamination, y’all handle the necessary arrangements regarding roads, walls, bridges, highways, gasoducts et al. It is the most Anglo-philic corner of Spain and possibly of Continental Europe, a very strong economy, and has very good Universities including several which already offer most of their coursework in English. This might be the most doable suggestion yet, if Comrade Putin pulls a few strings with the separatists whom I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he’s backed, since it happens more often than not. ---
**Author:** ![Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_Arachnid_Laser_1)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/14 "2019-08-19T11:41:37Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Buy Catalonia, but only those administrative districts (_ajuntaments_ or _districtes_) which voted for Catexit in the 1-O referendum. Since it is in the US’s best interests to ensure that there will not be Hispanic contamination, y’all handle the necessary arrangements regarding roads, walls, bridges, highways, gasoducts et al. It is the most Anglo-philic corner of Spain and possibly of Continental Europe, a very strong economy, and has very good Universities including several which already offer most of their coursework in English. Oh, I don’t think they want any of this mess, believe me. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/15 "2019-08-19T11:55:16Z")
You guys are all thinking too small. The best proposal is to [Buy Jupiter](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buy_Jupiter), which then gets you an even better price for the rings of Saturn. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/16 "2019-08-19T11:58:56Z")
Buy Green_wood_. Replace _The Star-Spangled Banner_ with _God Bless the USA_. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/17 "2019-08-19T12:06:27Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > This might be the most doable suggestion yet, if Comrade Putin pulls a few strings with the separatists whom I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he’s backed, since it happens more often than not. Oh they absolutely have. I have recognized in the current mess many of the messages that I used to see in the Basque-speaking areas during the 1970s and '80s. The cake went to a May 1st poster ranting against the “Spanish oligarchy”: uh, that’s the Catalans, Mr. Russian Who Just Took An Old Poster And Changed The Logos. They clearly have had the toolbox defined for quite a while, and keep trying this tool and that tool, keeping those that appear to work and putting the others back into the box; no attempt at trying to figure out beforehand which ones will work. > [@Go\_Arachnid\_Laser](#): > > Oh, I don’t think they want any of this mess, believe me. Oh, I know they don’t. But it would get me rid of my nastiest relatives 😃 “Sorry Mom, can’t go visit your sister as I don’t have the proper paperwork.” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/18 "2019-08-19T12:13:49Z")
Re. splitting Catalonia into a political collage based on independentist/unionist results on 1-O, a referendum which wasn’t even official and so many unionists simply refrained from voting: just trying to draw the map would be an enormous headache. I had a job in Cerdanyola at the time 1-O was announced: the University there leans heavily Catalanist and flats were cheap because “the students don’t want to live here, they’ve moved to other towns nearby where the people are Catalan,” the actual population of the town is seen as “not Catalan” by the xenophobic elements because their parents or grandparents were born someplace else (usually in Southern Spain). You’d end up with areas which are actually unionist but the 3 people who voted were separatist, you’d have areas where a temporary-ish population (such as students) would change the %s… calling it a bloody mess doesn’t do it honor. ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/19 "2019-08-19T12:48:19Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > Better yet, let him do a time share down in Antarctica. I think this is the best option. All you have to do is to tell him that under the current treaties no country has give up their claims, that the US has reserved the right to make claims in the future and that tiny Norway has laid claim to about a sixth and Australia and New Zealand together almost half. Should get his blood pressure off, and leave plenty of room for meaningless interruption of the diplomatic status quo. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2019, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877/20 "2019-08-19T13:32:40Z")
Britain! I bet the’d be open to discussions. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/alternatives-to-buying-greenland/838877.md?page=2)