# Always wrong? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 31, 2000, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162 "2000-10-31T23:55:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Attilathenun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@Attilathenun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attilathenun)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/1 "2000-10-31T23:55:28Z")
If a man is alone in a wood, with no women around…is he still wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2000, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/2 "2000-11-01T00:31:59Z")
Unanswerable, but if he’s alone _with_ wood, (and straight) he probably nneds a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2000, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/3 "2000-11-01T00:33:49Z")
_Clean up, aisle four… Clean up, aisle four…_ * * * Yer pal, [Satan](http://www.members.tripod.com/jmspoofe/sdmb/satan.jpg) \*TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING: Six months, three weeks, one day, 22 hours, 35 minutes and 4 seconds. 8237 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,029.70. Extra time with Drain Bead: 4 weeks, 14 hours, 25 minutes. **David B used me as a cite!** \* ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2000, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/4 "2000-11-01T00:35:23Z")
Fuck it. Let’s get it over with. [list=1] [li]Why do we need a hot water heater? If it’s hot it doesn’t need to be heated.[/li][li]How can we have jumbo shrimp?[/li][li]Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?[/li][li]Why do our noses run and our feet smell?[/li][li]Why does quicksand work slowly?[/li][li]Why are boxing rings square?[/li][li]Why, when lights are out, they are invisible, but when the stars are out, they are visible?[/li][li]Why do we call them apartments when they are all together?[/li][li]If cows laughed, would milk come out of their noses?[/li][li]Why does Denny’s have locks on the door if it’s open 24 hours?[/li][li]Why do ships carry cargoes and cars carry shipments?[/li][li]When will a building actually become a built?[/li][li]If it’s tourist season why can’t we shoot them?[/li][li]When companies ship styrofoam what do they pack it in?[/li][li]Would a fly without wings be called a walk?[/li][li]When it rains why don’t sheep shrink?[/li][li]Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?[/li][li]If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?[/li][li]What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?[/li][li]What is another word for thesaurus?[/li][li]Do radioactive cats have 18 half lives?[/li][li]What was the best thing before sliced bread?’[/li][li]If the cops arrest a mime do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?[/li][li]If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest will it make a sound?[/li][li]If the funeral procession is at night do folks drive with their headlights off?[/li][li]Why do they sterilize the needles for a lethal injection?[/li][li]Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?[/li][li]Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?[/li][li]Is it true cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?[/li][li]There are three words in the english language ending with -gry. They are angry, hungry, and what is the third one?[/li][li]Why do we park on driveways and drive in parkways?[/li][li]What did Barney Rubble, from the Flintstones, do for a living?[/li][li]If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?[/li][li]If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?[/li][li]If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?[/li][li]Is there another word for synonym?[/li][li]Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”[/li][li]When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?[/li][li]Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”[/li][li]Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?[/li][li]If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?[/li][li]Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?[/li][li]If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?[/li][li]Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?[/li][li]Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?[/li][li]How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?[/li][/list=1] Happy now, Attila? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2000, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/5 "2000-11-01T00:43:25Z")
Do you want to play with this one for a while, **UncleBeer**? I’d be more than happy to send it over to you. \ ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/6 "2000-11-01T00:48:05Z")
Yeah, sure. We can make up stupid answers to all of these. Might be amusing for a day or two. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2000, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/7 "2000-11-01T02:26:33Z")
OK, here ya go, Unc. ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2000, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/8 "2000-11-01T02:29:13Z")
Looks like you announced the move but didn’t execute it. It’s still in GQ. ---
**Author:** ![Montfort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Montfort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montfort)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2000, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/9 "2000-11-01T02:42:55Z")
I swear, this thread was still in GQ when I posted my above post. Happy Halloween, SDMB! ---
**Author:** ![Attilathenun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@Attilathenun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attilathenun)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/10 "2000-11-02T21:24:36Z")
Unclebeer, Before criticising someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2000, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/11 "2000-11-03T01:41:38Z")
Attila: Hon, I think UncleBeer was putting on his slippers when he gave you many of the simple quandaries often asked in a wry attempt here. I couldn’t tell what you meant by your OP until reading the 33rd entry on Unc’s list. So, that’s clear now, and ya got another buncha things that are old hat, too. As to your now clarified OP, well, the humor lies in assuming that all women are shrill tyrants. So, no, they’re not wrong for asking questions in the middle of the woods, unless it’s January, in which case it’s best they can get their butts inside and let me make 'em some nice warm pea soup. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2000, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/always-wrong/39162/12 "2000-11-03T02:18:09Z")
So, um…why do they call it toothpaste when it doesn’t stick to anything?