# Am I a Matron of Honor-zilla? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 30, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389 "2011-06-30T14:33:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/41 "2011-06-30T23:16:04Z")
The easiest solution is to get engaged and schedule YOUR wedding for the same weekend. ---
**Author:** ![SylverOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@SylverOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SylverOne)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/42 "2011-06-30T23:38:37Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > The easiest solution is to get engaged and schedule YOUR wedding for the same weekend. I like the way you think… ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/43 "2011-06-30T23:58:56Z")
> [@Kika](#): > > we are both in our mid-30s Seriously? And she still expects the whole Fantasy Princess bullshit where whole world comes to a screeching halt for Her Special Day? Does she have bluebirds following her around to carry her train for her? Or is that supposed to be your job? If I were in your shoes, I’d be holding a hatchet instead of a bouquet and I would not be afraid to use it. I hate to tell you this, but – do not be surprised if you never hear from this woman after the wedding is over, even if you go along with all her nonsense. Well, not until it’s Her First Baby Shower. ---
**Author:** ![Kika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5fc32e/32.png) [@Kika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kika)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/44 "2011-07-01T00:00:39Z")
I feel kind of bad that everyone thinks Bride wants me to wait on her hand and foot. I think it’s more that she’s going through this amazing experience and wants to share it with me. (Never mind that I’m the proud owner of two sets of divorce papers, so clearly, been there.:)) But Bride and Groom have chatted and Groom is hurt that she wants to have all this pre-wedding time with ME and not him. Groom is very involved in the wedding planning. I originally wanted to call control freak when I heard about this, but they’re both determined to do everything together to make the event _theirs_. More power to them, I guess. When Bride and I talked, I agreed with the time needing to be theirs, and I pointed out that my early arrival might convince her mother that she needs to make the trip out with me. (Which was cruel, and probably zilla, cause invoking the crazy mom was more insurance than truth.) The Kid situation is still up in the air, but I’m being a coward and will bring that up in a month or so. They’re planning a very fancy, formal wedding, and I don’t know if they’re planning on including any children not in the wedding party. I appreciate all your opinions. I needed the kick to be able to say something in the first place. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/45 "2011-07-01T00:13:45Z")
> [@](#): > > but I’m being a coward Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/46 "2011-07-01T01:46:33Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > If you do have to bring your daughter, for any length of time, please be patient with her. Say “Good morning” to her every morning, and every night, say “Good night honey; I love you.”\*\* And in between those times, try to exchange a few words with her that are not “Shut up” or “You’d better eat that.”\*\* Bolding mine. Where are you getting the idea that she would treat her child that way? 😕 Even my sister, who had the Huge Princess Wedding from Hell (and is now divorced, btw) did not require more than 3 days for us the bridesmaid. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/47 "2011-07-01T03:14:27Z")
You absolutely need to tell her you can’t make that kind of time commitment and if she must have that from her MOH she should pick someone else. You’re not being a 'zilla, but you’re being a bad friend if you don’t tell her you can’t do it. > [@Tom\_Scud](#): > > The groom does not have an opinion. Of course he does. It’s whatever the bride says her opinion is. -RNATB, [del]owned[/del] married 13 months. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/48 "2011-07-01T04:31:13Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > Bolding mine. > Where are you getting the idea that she would treat her child that way? 😕 I don’t think she personally would be inclined to. And I hope I’m way off the mark, and apologies in advance. Still, if she did do this “wedding two weeks” it would be very stressful for all involved. I also hope that the OP’s daughter will not have to go if she’ll be the only kid there. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/49 "2011-07-01T12:57:34Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > I don’t think she personally would be inclined to. Then why bring it up in the first place? That just seems…odd. [/quote] Still, if she did do this “wedding two weeks” it would be very stressful for all involved. [/QUOTE] If she was the kind of parent who would do that, it would be a very stressful lifetime for all involved. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/50 "2011-07-01T13:50:40Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Of course he does. It’s whatever the bride says her opinion is. > > -RNATB, [del]owned[/del] married 13 months. I really thought better of you than this. :rolleyes: Anyway, to the OP, she may eventually calm down and be your good friend again, after the wedding, but if you go over there and put up with Bridezilla for two weeks you won’t be friends anymore. Either you’ll snap and say something, or the resentment will fester and you’ll hate her anyway. Don’t. Go! ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/51 "2011-07-01T14:03:31Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > I don’t think she personally would be inclined to. And I hope I’m way off the mark, and apologies in advance.. > [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Then why bring it up in the first place? That just seems…odd. Gotcha, **Rilchiam**. I just thought it was a big leap from “be patient” to “exchange more than the occasional ‘shut up’ or threat…” As **CrazyCatLady** says, it seemed odd. But it sounds like you may have some personal experience with this. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/52 "2011-07-01T14:07:28Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > What does she want you to do for 2 weeks?! Bake the cake, make the gown, grow the flowers, become ordained, lose (or gain, as required) 20 lbs., get a catering license, and find the appropriate Native Americans who can perform a ceremony ensuring that it will not rain on Her Day. In three weeks, she could have found a better bridegroom. But three weeks, that’s crazy talk. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/53 "2011-07-01T14:11:45Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I really thought better of you than this. :rolleyes: Look, my wife and I have a relationship based on equality. Both partners have a say in all of our affairs, and our disputes are settled by compromise. However, when it came to our wedding, there was only one thing I was allowed to say: “yes, dear”. And I was _fine_ with that. Weddings are all about the bride. You know that. No man grows up visualizing his dream wedding. No (straight) man really cares what color the chair covers are, or whether the centerpieces should have carnations as well as roses (or whatever). ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/54 "2011-07-01T14:16:33Z")
I sincerely believe that the more time a bride puts into planning and executing a wedding to make it her “PERFECT DAY!”, the shorter the actual marriage will be. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/55 "2011-07-01T14:30:19Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Look, my wife and I have a relationship based on equality. Both partners have a say in all of our affairs, and our disputes are settled by compromise. > > However, when it came to our wedding, there was only one thing I was allowed to say: “yes, dear”. And I was _fine_ with that. > > Weddings are all about the bride. You know that. No man grows up visualizing his dream wedding. No (straight) man really cares what color the chair covers are, or whether the centerpieces should have carnations as well as roses (or whatever). I was referring more to the “owned” part, which always bothers me when a man says it, or “She Who Must Be Obeyed”. But it’s silly and naive to say that just because _you_ had no interest in your wedding planning no man does. No, men don’t care about the carnations or the chairs…but I know my SO would care about the food served, for example. I’m glad you two have a good relationship. So honestly, snark aside, why would you imply you are owned? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/56 "2011-07-01T14:54:43Z")
It was a joke, sparky. And I _did_ care about the food, and the officiant, and my groomsmens’ tuxedos. However, food, officiants and tuxedos take a day to select at most. The stuff I didn’t care about took weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/57 "2011-07-01T15:21:10Z")
It’s just a joke I despise from men I like and respect. Which I do you. OK? My apologies. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/58 "2011-07-01T15:24:45Z")
How _dare_ you like and respect me? :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/59 "2011-07-01T15:26:38Z")
Good heavens. Is this the time for the angry sex? I mean, if we weren’t both already involved elsewhere, of course. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/60 "2011-07-01T15:39:12Z")
Get a room, you two! > [@Bob Ducca](#): > > I sincerely believe that the more time a bride puts into planning and executing a wedding to make it her “PERFECT DAY!”, the shorter the actual marriage will be. Aww. I sincerely hope this is true, considering we showed up one afternoon to a JP’s office, in jeans, and went to the State Fair for our “honeymoon.” And it was a perfect day. Just not My Perfect Day. Big difference! Thanks for coming back with more, **Kika**. We loves us some updates around here! 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389.md?page=4)