# Am I a Matron of Honor-zilla? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 30, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389 "2011-06-30T14:33:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 2\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2011, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/81 "2011-07-05T00:56:18Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I was referring more to the “owned” part, which always bothers me when a man says it, or “She Who Must Be Obeyed”. But it’s silly and naive to say that just because _you_ had no interest in your wedding planning no man does. No, men don’t care about the carnations or the chairs…but I know my SO would care about the food served, for example. > > I’m glad you two have a good relationship. So honestly, snark aside, why would you imply you are owned? I honestly don’t think I’d care about any of it…which means I need to marry someone who can become emotionally invested in a wedding…which means I’ll have to marry the Mario Cantone character from Sex and the City. Which could be fun… ---
**Author:** ![drpepper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8baadc/32.png) [@drpepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drpepper)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2011, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389/82 "2011-07-06T04:26:49Z")
There are a few things that are becoming crystal clear to me as I age; partly due to the perspective that comes with aging and raising kids, and dealing with various obstacles in life. In no particular order, here they are as they apply to this situation of yours: 1. There are very few people that are worth making above-and-beyond sacrifices for in life. Those that _ask_ you to do so are seldom the ones that are worth it. Usually it is people who you see as being hard-working and motivated self-starters that are just down on their luck, and don’t ask you for a thing. You are in a position to help them, it is a worthy and life-altering cause, and you feel good in doing so. That is not the case here. 2. Your kid (and spouse, as applicable), comes first, almost without exception. You are dealing with your kid who has her own set of problems, and dealing with issues of finding a job to support yourself, and all the issues that go with this. _There is no question about it_ that anything with this stupid wedding that may conflict with this, goes out the window. This is your absolute, A-number-one, no question whatsoever, moral obligation. That’s it. Anyone who questions this is an idiot, and not worthy of being in your life. 3. In the long run, weddings don’t matter. They just don’t. Funerals/death and related support do. Whatever you can’t do for this wedding, she’ll have lots of people to pick up the slack. Given that you’re in different cities, this friendship probably won’t be one of the more enduring rocks that your life hinges on. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. Also, as an aside, this “discuss it with the groom” bullshit is just more blah-blah-blah. Whether or not he has an opinion, what the hell does that matter? If you can’t do it, you can’t do it. If it were me, I wouldn’t even give it a second thought. I would say I couldn’t do it, and if she got pissed, I’d write off the friendship and not worry about it. If she understands, then this is a friend worth holding onto. You’re both in your 30’s? She _definitely_ needs to grow up and get some perspective. As a mother that your daughter relies upon, you need to cowboy up and say politely and with detachment that this request just isn’t possible for you to commit to, so sorry. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-a-matron-of-honor-zilla/587389.md?page=4)