# Am I an asshole? (Re: Food in the office) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 1, 2017, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386 "2017-11-01T15:10:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2017, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/21 "2017-11-01T20:43:12Z")
Pretend to be a health nut and bring in carrots and celery a few times. People will be relieved when you stop. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2017, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/22 "2017-11-01T21:31:57Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > This is an interesting suggestion too. I might play a bit of a wait-and-see game and if this frequency keeps up, suggest a calendar. NOOOO!!! Do not suggest a calendar and do not comment on the food at all!! This is one case where I would say no discussion is needed. These people are deciding to bring things in because they want to, and they don’t mind others partaking. There is no obligation on your part and you should not make any moves that add any formality to what is now just a voluntary thing. At some point some of them may not feel like doing it and and formalization will then be resented. Please just let it lie and partake if it is offered. If someone brings you a coffee order with no suggestion on your part, take it as a gift. This is said as someone who often brings in treats I don’t want around the house (but I can’t resist “buy one, get two free” boxes of cookies) or bakes for birthdays, etc. There is no obligation that anyone else do the same and no resentment if people help themselves freely. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2017, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/23 "2017-11-01T21:38:01Z")
I’m of the “if they bring food and offer it to all, it’s a gift with no obligations” camp. This is not to say that I’m a total mooch; I pretty much always end up prodded into bringing the chips for the company parties. (Chips only, because me cooking anything is prohibited by the Geneva convention.) But when donuts are randomly brought in once a quarter or so? I partake freely. If they didn’t want me to eat them they wouldn’t have stuck them on the table smack in the middle of the room. (That said, I _don’t_ consider food I see sitting unattended in the break room fair game. This is because I’m a weirdo who hates making assumptions.) ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2017, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/24 "2017-11-01T21:38:43Z")
If you were a regular consumer of the goodies, I think it would be nice for you to contribute. It would not be assholish if you didn’t, but you could use it as an opportunity show you’re a part of the team. But if you don’t partake, then you shouldn’t feel obligated to do anything. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2017, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/25 "2017-11-01T21:44:13Z")
I’m often offered coffee in the morning by well-meaning people, and once in awhile I’ll accept. But I really don’t like bad coffee, and I usually say: Sorry, no, I just had a big cup. Which is almost always true. I’m an early riser, and usually get my coffee before 7AM. I don’t need or want another cup an hour later. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2017, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/26 "2017-11-01T21:50:04Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > I’m of the “if they bring food and offer it to all, it’s a gift with no obligations” camp. \ I completely agree with this. It’s a gift. They probably feel good about themselves doing it. Enjoy it, thank them, but there is no need to feel obligation. If they feel they are getting the short end of some sort of deal, they can easily stop bringing stuff in. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2017, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/27 "2017-11-01T21:51:52Z")
I don’t think you’re an ass. If people are bringing food into the office in those quantities, the assumption is they want people to eat and enjoy it. Besides, you’ve said you’ve contributed in the past. Is there any reason why so many people are doing it right now? I could see if it were around the holidays. I wouldn’t worry about it and sometime in the future spring for some doughnuts or bake a few dozen cookies. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2017, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/28 "2017-11-01T23:01:51Z")
I wouldn’t overthink this too much. Perhaps your coworkers are getting a bunch of email promos from various companies, especially if your office is in a central business district. Companies that rely on office worker purchases are well aware than the slow period from Thanksgiving until New Years is coming up quickly. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2017, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/29 "2017-11-01T23:57:04Z")
Different people contribute different things. Some people don’t like to bake. Some people, like the OP, can’t afford to buy goodies. Some people live in a “food desert”, where they can’t easily get to a bakery, grocery store or donut shop. I’m glad I never worked anywhere that did company softball, because I would have the same dilemma as the OP. **Sir T-Cups** , you say there are seven of you. Then you have a lot of interaction with them outside of the breakroom. Maybe you’re contributing in other ways, like you’ll always give a ride to anyone in need. Or you’ll run an errand for someone on your lunch break. If not, come up with something that boosts morale, and then do that! 🙂 You could also point out that if there’s sugary goodness in the breakroom **every day** , then it’s no longer a treat; it’s a staple. You don’t want people **depending** on a daily carb rush, right? ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/30 "2017-11-02T05:19:30Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > I want to being in more treats, but I don’t want to give the expectation that I’ll be part of this treat-bringing group because I can’t afford to sustain this pace. So what should I do? Should I bring in some treats tomorrow and hope that I’ve done my part for the time being? Or should I keep being ultra thankful for the food, but keep the expectation that I can’t do this too often? Ask your boss for a raise. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/31 "2017-11-02T06:11:34Z")
If you frequently take and never bring, people will notice. If you don’t participate either way, no one sane will care. If you take occasionally and bring occasionally – even twice a year – your coworkers will most likely be okay with it. Especially if you bring something that stands out among the doughnuts and candy. Someone upthread mentioned homemade brownies. Yum. Or you could do fruit (apples, oranges, grapes, bananas). Or something salty, like Chex mix or tortilla chips and salsa. My former workplace sometimes went doughnut crazy. People got tired of it, and it eventually tapered off. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/32 "2017-11-02T10:55:14Z")
> [@ioioio](#): > > Or you could do fruit (apples, oranges, grapes, bananas). That’s a great idea… bring something cheap and healthy as opposed to donuts. After a few times it’ll be like “err… thanks… hey, no need to trouble yourself next time.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/33 "2017-11-02T11:42:14Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I do contribute to the coffee fund, and contribute $ to the annual holiday party.) Is this a thing? How small is your company? Just wondering because everywhere I’ve worked has had coffee and an annual holiday party (even when the company wasn’t doing well, we at least had something small at the office). And no company that I’ve worked at has ever asked employees to contribute to a fund for it. It’s budgeted into the overhead cost of running a company. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/34 "2017-11-02T12:38:04Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > NOOOO!!! Do not suggest a calendar and do not comment on the food at all!! This is one case where I would say no discussion is needed. … > [@dalej42](#): > > I wouldn’t overthink this too much. … You are not an asshole, but you ARE overthinking this way too much. Don’t speak up. Don’t initiate any discussion. Just leave it alone. Have a donut or don’t. As \*\*gigi \*\*said, “No discussion is needed.” And if you’re on such a tight budget and paid so little that you can’t bring in a box of donuts once a month, then you should look for another job. Seriously, at Dunkin, that’s about $10. Probably less at the supermarket. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/35 "2017-11-02T13:04:03Z")
I have gotten caught up in these little food rituals more times than I can count. In my experience it often ends up like my pigeon feeding. More and more start showing up for the food to the point where those who participate don’t get their share. I think you will find that many will be grateful when you openly stop participating because it opens the door for them to do the same thing. In general people understand that many of us watch our budgets. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/36 "2017-11-02T13:08:51Z")
I’d bring in something once a month. Cookies are very easy & inexpensive to make at home. Or buy two cantaloupes, cut off the rind, slice it and bring that. It doesn’t matter how often other people bring stuff in. I would feel that my monthly contribution is enough. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/37 "2017-11-02T13:09:10Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > I’m of the “if they bring food and offer it to all, it’s a gift with no obligations” camp. Yep. I’ve been part of groups which brought something specifically for the group, but it had been organized beforehand; food brought “because it’s my birthday” or “because I felt like baking” or “because it was giving me sad looks from the bakery’s window”… people will bring something else when it is their birthday, or because their team won, or never. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/38 "2017-11-02T14:12:56Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > Is this a thing? How small is your company? > > Just wondering because everywhere I’ve worked has had coffee and an annual holiday party (even when the company wasn’t doing well, we at least had something small at the office). And no company that I’ve worked at has ever asked employees to contribute to a fund for it. It’s budgeted into the overhead cost of running a company. During the crash in 2008-09 our institution was budget-cutting and looking for any ways to save. Since we are basically a compensation-only department, the only place we could cut was our water/coffee budget. So we did for a while have to contribute in order to take beverages. That’s been lifted in recent years. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386/39 "2017-11-02T14:30:03Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > You are not an asshole, but you ARE overthinking this way too much. Don’t speak up. Don’t initiate any discussion. Just leave it alone. Have a donut or don’t. As \*\*gigi \*\*said, “No discussion is needed.” > > And if you’re on such a tight budget and paid so little that you can’t bring in a box of donuts once a month, then you should look for another job. Seriously, at Dunkin, that’s about $10. Probably less at the supermarket. Like I said, I can bring in food every once in a while, and have in the past, but I can’t at the current pace is asll. No one brought in food today, so I’ll count that as a win! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole-re-food-in-the-office/800386.md?page=1)