# Am I an asshole? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 11, 2007, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586 "2007-12-11T04:05:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/161 "2007-12-12T03:20:42Z")
[QUOTE=Czarcasm] I do this for love, not for points. 😃 [/QUOTE] A good thing, considering the standings. ::d&r:: ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/162 "2007-12-12T03:27:44Z")
[QUOTE=lissener] So tell us: are you a troll or a racist? [/QUOTE] I call Fallacy of the Excluded Middle. He could be both. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/163 "2007-12-12T09:01:26Z")
[QUOTE=Guinastasia] One wonders what he would do with a regional dialect, like that of Pittsburgh? [/QUOTE] I did have a customer get on my case once when I told him he’d have to wait a minute for the table he wanted because “it needs wiped.” No, he was not upset that he had to wait 30 seconds for the busboy. He merely took it upon himself to tell me that I’d left out a word or two. And then stood there and waited for me to supply them. Imagine if I’d said “Yinz can sit down now.” His head would probably have exploded. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/164 "2007-12-12T09:10:04Z")
[QUOTE=Siege] … If the OP had come to my city and been asked “It needs replaced?” … [/QUOTE] You live in LOLCat City? COOL 😃 !!1! I can has new mouse wif mah cheezburger? kthxbye! The OP in lolcat, > [@](#): > > **iz i an asshole?** > > so teh othr dai i went into circuit city in manhattan 2 buy mouse. when i got home, i lernd dat teh mouse didn’t werk, so i went bak into circuit city 2 exchange it 4 anothr mouse dat did werk. i wuz explaind dis 2 “robert”, black employee. robert askd me if i had teh original packagin dat teh mouse came in. i sed i did not. he sed “we generally don’t let customers exchange products without upc, but we’ll go ahead an let u do it dis tiem, go an git anothr mouse”. aftr pickin anothr mouse, i wuz pasd onto anothr black employee, “sean”. i explaind dat i wuz exchangin teh furst mouse 4 da second mouse an sean askd me “teh furst mouse don’t werk?”. i told him dat it didn’t an he told me dat without teh original box wif teh upc he couldn’t exchange it 4 me. he told me 2 go home, an if i cud find teh box dat it came in, he wud exchange it. nao i cud has told him dat robert already agred 2 exchange it 4 me, but instead i askd 2 speek wif wite membr ov customr service. i explaind dat thar wuz obvious cultural differencez an dat i felt dat mah needz wud be bettr servd by someone ov mah own race. i trid 2 explain dat “teh furst mouse don’t werk?” wasn’t propr sentence an if thar wuz goin 2 be so lotz da problems 4 us 2 understand each othr, i cud not git teh customr service i requird. in da end, they exchangd teh mouse 4 me. wuz i bean an asshole, or shud circuit city hire peeps hoo can speek propr english an knoe wut company procedurez r? strangely, it’s not quite as offensive. CMC +fnord! **copperwindow** after reading the OP I initially thought that you were a gibbering idiot. Now, after reading the threads that **What Exit?** linked to, I have a much lower opinion of you. To call you an asshole, would be an insult to assholes. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/165 "2007-12-12T09:25:49Z")
Yeah, they generally smell better. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/166 "2007-12-12T10:05:30Z")
Heh, as a goof I was going to come in here and write: “Yes, you’re an asshole” with out even reading the OP. But then my curriosity got the better of me and I read it anyway. The answer still stands. ---
**Author:** ![Testy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@Testy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Testy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/167 "2007-12-12T10:11:15Z")
[QUOTE=neutron star] The OP really needs to take some trolling lessons. Such a weak effort! I mean, he could have gone for crazy troll, amazingly stupid troll, Ron Paul troll, honeypot troll… but no. He went with boring racist troll. Not even virulent racism, either! More like ignorant, irritable, half-senile, grandpa racism. And he couldn’t even pull _that_ off right! \ [/QUOTE] **Neutron Star** You missed one option. Given **Copper Windows’** attraction to his sister, maybe his father had the same problem. That would move poor **Copper Windows** from the status of trolling jerk into being someone who was born “not quite right.” Heavy inbreeding does that kind of thing. 😛 Regards Testy ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/168 "2007-12-12T11:08:10Z")
[QUOTE=crowmanyclouds] The OP in lolcat, [/QUOTE] Great idea, CMC! I ran the OP through The Dialectizer also, but this time I selected “Asshole” to get the result. Here’s what it returned: > [@](#): > > Am I an asshole? > > So the other day I went into Circuit City in Manhattan to buy a mouse. When I got home, I learned that the mouse didn’t work, so I went back into Circuit City to exchange it for another mouse that did work. I was explained this to “Robert”, a black employee. Robert asked me if I had the original packaging that the mouse came in. I said I did not. He said “We generally don’t let customers exchange products without a UPC, but we’ll go ahead and let you do it this time, go and get another mouse”. After picking another mouse, I was passed onto another black employee, “Sean”. I explained that I was exchanging the first mouse for the second mouse and Sean asked me “The first mouse don’t work?”. I told him that it didn’t and he told me that without the original box with the UPC he couldn’t exchange it for me. He told me to go home, and if I could find the box that it came in, he would exchange it. Now I could have told him that Robert already agreed to exchange it for me, but instead I asked to speak with a white member of customer service. I explained that there were obvious cultural differences and that I felt that my needs would be better served by someone of my own race. I tried to explain that “The first mouse don’t work?” wasn’t a proper sentence and if there were going to be so many problems for us to understand each other, I may not get the customer service I required. In the end, they exchanged the mouse for me. Was I being an asshole, or should Circuit City hire people who can speak proper English and know what company procedures are? Who would’ve guessed that? Note: [The Dialectizer](http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/) is a real site; however, it doesn’t have “Asshole” as one of the dialects. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/169 "2007-12-12T11:34:19Z")
[QUOTE=Testy] **Neutron Star** You missed one option. Given **Copper Windows’** attraction to his sister, maybe his father had the same problem. That would move poor **Copper Windows** from the status of trolling jerk into being someone who was born “not quite right.” Heavy inbreeding does that kind of thing. 😛 Regards Testy [/QUOTE] The OP did say he was in New York to see his parents - maybe they’re ‘The Aristocrats’, or something ---
**Author:** ![Testy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@Testy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Testy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/170 "2007-12-12T11:54:00Z")
[QUOTE=Staggerlee] The OP did say he was in New York to see his parents - maybe they’re ‘The Aristocrats’, or something [/QUOTE] **Staggerlee** I think he just has a family tree with no branches. 😃 Testy ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/171 "2007-12-12T12:31:22Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] I did have a customer get on my case once when I told him he’d have to wait a minute for the table he wanted because “it needs wiped.” No, he was not upset that he had to wait 30 seconds for the busboy. He merely took it upon himself to tell me that I’d left out a word or two. [/QUOTE] Obviously, you did. The corrected sentence should be “The table needs wiped, n’at.” How embarrassing for you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/172 "2007-12-12T16:16:53Z")
[QUOTE=Monty] I ran the OP through The Dialectizer also, but this time I selected “Asshole” to get the result. [/QUOTE] Win. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/59ef9b/32.png) [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_fight_the_hypothetical)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/173 "2007-12-12T16:42:56Z")
[QUOTE=Staggerlee] The OP did say he was in New York to see his parents - maybe they’re ‘The Aristocrats’, or something [/QUOTE] Let me guess, they drink Arnold Palmers… ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/174 "2007-12-12T16:53:36Z")
[QUOTE=Don’t fight the hypothetical] Let me guess, they drink Arnold Palmers… [/QUOTE] You meant a Tiger Woods didn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/175 "2007-12-12T17:26:39Z")
[QUOTE=Hostile Dialect] Yeah, they generally smell better. [/QUOTE] And are more polite when they talk. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/176 "2007-12-12T17:41:22Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] He merely took it upon himself to tell me that I’d left out a word or two. And then stood there and waited for me to supply them. Imagine if I’d said “Yinz can sit down now.” His head would probably have exploded. [/QUOTE] You should have. We could do with fewer people who correct strangers’ grammar in public. But then you’d presumably have had to wipe up the goo from his head exploding, so I see why you didn’t do it. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/177 "2007-12-12T17:44:34Z")
[QUOTE=Rilchiam] I did have a customer get on my case once when I told him he’d have to wait a minute for the table he wanted because “it needs wiped.” [/QUOTE] Huh. I frequently say something “needs filled”; it was something I picked up when we moved downstate, from the Chicago suburbs to Central Illinois. ---
**Author:** ![Wee\_Bairn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/90db22/32.png) [@Wee\_Bairn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wee_Bairn)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/178 "2007-12-12T18:00:13Z")
Very clever- If you take the first letter of each line in the OP, count up two letters for even numbered lines and back three for odd numbered lines, you get “gotcha assholes”. I think. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/179 "2007-12-12T18:55:00Z")
The OP should have had my (white) father-in-law for his sales person. At Thanksgiving, we went out to eat, and when we were driving back, he said (you have to imagine the thickest southern Arkansas accent on the planet), “I think that pork had a bit of [grunt-like sound that starts with an “R” and sounds a tiny bit like “burnt”] in it.” My thoughts: His pork had a little rum in it? After repeating that phrase several more times, with me still thinking he’s saying “rum” it finally, finally dawned on me he was saying “rurnt.” Or, in English: ruined. He was saying he thought the pork was ruined. I, honestly, have to wonder about the OP’s level of intelligence, because while I know an unfortunate number of racists, I’ve never met any this incredibly stupid or rude. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2007, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586/180 "2007-12-12T19:01:51Z")
I ran the O.P. through the Dialectizer and this is what it returned in Redneck: > [@](#): > > So t’other day ah went into Circuit City in Manhattan t’buy a mouse. When ah got home, ah larned thet th’ mouse didn’t wawk, so ah went back into Circuit City t’exchange it fo’ t’other mouse thet did wawk. ah was explained this hyar to “Billy Bob”, a black employee. Billy Bob axed me eff’n ah had th’ origeenal packagin’ thet th’ mouse came in, as enny fool kin plainly see. ah said ah did not. He said “We junerally don’t let cestomers exchange producks wifout a UPC, but we’ll hoof it ahaid an’ let yo’ does it this hyar time, hoof it an’ git t’other mouse”. Af’er pickin’ t’other mouse, ah was passed onto t’other black employee, “Sean”. ah explained thet ah was exchangin’ th’ fust mouse fo’ th’ second mouse an’ Sean axed me “Th’ fust mouse don’t wawk?”. ah told him thet it didn’t an’ he told me thet wifout th’ origeenal box wif th’ UPC he c’dn’t exchange it fo’ me. He told me t’go home, an’ eff’n ah c’d find th’ box thet it came in, he’d exchange it. Now ah c’d haftald him thet Billy Bob already agreed t’exchange it fo’ me, but instead ah axed t’speak wif a white member of cestomer service. ah explained thet thar were obvious cultural differences an’ thet ah felt thet mah needs’d be better sarved by someone of mah own race. ah tried t’explain thet “Th’ fust mouse don’t wawk?” wasn’t a right sentence an’ eff’n thar were a-gonna be so menny problems fo’ us t’unnerstan’ etch other, ah may not git th’ cestomer service ah required, cuss it all t’ tarnation. In th’ end, they exchanged th’ mouse fo’ me. Was ah bein’ an asshole, o’ sh’d Circuit City hire varmints who kin speak right English an’ knows whut compenny procedures are? Comedy gold! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-an-asshole/429586.md?page=10)