# Am I asexual or just a normal woman? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 12, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427 "2011-03-12T17:32:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hakuna\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hakuna\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hakuna_Matata)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/21 "2011-03-12T19:05:34Z")
> [@turtledove\_river](#): > > I’m not crazy about sex. In fact, in my 28 years in this planet I’ve never had it. Well until you have had it, I guess you won’t know will you? You may find you enjoy it quite a bit, or you may find that you don’t enjoy it at all. Sort of like me saying I don’t like sushi without ever actually trying it. (I do enjoy sushi by the way!) So it is sort of hard to discuss if you are asexual or not. Even if you are, then you just need to find a guy (or woman) with similar qualities it seems to me. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![turtledove\_river](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e79b87/32.png) [@turtledove\_river](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/turtledove_river)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/22 "2011-03-12T19:09:58Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Would you like to live with a man if it was a sexless marriage? Some men seek that too. Sure. I would prefer it. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/23 "2011-03-12T19:17:32Z")
> [@turtledove\_river](#): > > Sure. I would prefer it. Would he be allowed to seek sex outside the marriage if he chose to? ---
**Author:** ![Sarabellum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarabellum/32/3492_2.png) [@Sarabellum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarabellum)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/24 "2011-03-12T19:21:15Z")
I hear a whoosh-ing noise. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/25 "2011-03-12T19:31:49Z")
You say English isn’t your first language. Is there something about your native culture that discourages sexuality in females? ---
**Author:** ![turtledove\_river](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e79b87/32.png) [@turtledove\_river](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/turtledove_river)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/26 "2011-03-12T19:49:23Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > Would he be allowed to seek sex outside the marriage if he chose to? Hmmm, that’s trickier. Ideally he would be asexual too. ---
**Author:** ![turtledove\_river](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e79b87/32.png) [@turtledove\_river](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/turtledove_river)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/27 "2011-03-12T19:51:27Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > You say English isn’t your first language. Is there something about your native culture that discourages sexuality in females? No. Not in an extreme way. Just like any normal latin country. Women are allowed to be sexy. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/28 "2011-03-12T19:56:25Z")
Okay, thanks. How about your hormone levels? You might want to have them checked if you haven’t already. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/29 "2011-03-12T20:40:44Z")
Have you ever considered that you might be gay? Have you ever been attracted to another woman? ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2011, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/30 "2011-03-12T21:09:25Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Have you ever considered that you might be gay? Have you ever been attracted to another woman? In addition to this, have you ever felt sexual attraction to any male, including movie stars, athletes, etc.? I might also suggest seeing a doctor. Having zero sex drive could be a symptom of something else. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/31 "2011-03-13T00:40:22Z")
I’m a 48 year old virgin woman. Plenty of reasons why. Strict religious upbringing, lack of interesting available males, morally opposed to abortion, turned off by excess drama that love in real life seems to engender, whole process seems more trouble than it’s worth…take your pick. I do have urges, but I satisfy them with invisible boyfriends. I call myself faux-sexual. I’m not the world’s happiest person, but that has nothing to do with my love life. As long as I have my books and movies and writing, I’m fine. I’ve never wanted a real life boyfriend. I guess that makes me strange, but I don’t really care. I wouldn’t worry about your lack of ardor for romance, if it doesn’t bother you. I truly think some people are meant to fly solo. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/32 "2011-03-13T00:55:26Z")
I am very much the same way, except that I am male. I also am very “meh” about sex and romance. It’s been working out for me fine so far. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/33 "2011-03-13T02:19:15Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I mean, personally speaking I cannot imagine a circumstance under which I would be willing to permanently give up sex. (OK, I can imagine it – like, our alien overlords install a device in my body that will make me explosively detonate if I have sex, which by the way is a plot of a story I read online one time – but I’m keeping this in the realm of what’s likely and possible.) Human: “Did I mention I find aliens _really sexy?_” Alien Overlord: “Surgeons! Take it out! Take it out!” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/34 "2011-03-13T03:14:05Z")
Just want to say you’re not the only one. I’m more-or-less asexual, too. I understand what you are saying. ---
**Author:** ![xoferew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/e9a140/32.png) [@xoferew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xoferew)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/35 "2011-03-13T03:27:21Z")
I panic at the thought of someone wanting sex from me, I don’t know why. I would like to have a life partner but I fear that almost any guy would lose interest in me when he realized that. Even if it was a patient guy and I wanted to try with him, I would be so awkward it would be really embarrassing. Anyone know a website for meeting like-minded people? I’ve toyed with the idea of looking into Christian dating sites (I’m somewhat religious.) The OP sounds like she is a normal, functioning, contented person though. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/36 "2011-03-13T03:42:10Z")
> [@turtledove\_river](#): > > Not really. Sure, it’d be nice to have someone to go to the movies with, hug and (do that thing when someone runs their fingers through your hair, I don’t know what it’s called). But I don’t need it. Well, I’m not sure if “need” comes into it, really. I mean, I’ve been married and am getting married again, but do I need that? I don’t think I do. I am happier with them than without them, but I’m pretty content even without someone in my life. Going to the movies, hugging, and fingers running through your hair (which I love, too, but I don’t think there’s just one word that means that) probably isn’t enough of a want to make it worth your while. If you had said it’d be nice to have someone to talk with and share things with and support and get support from and maybe have children someday, etc, then I’d say get a vibrator, see if there’s anything that pleases or excites you, and then start socializing generally to see if you could find someone you click with. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with trying a vibrator just to see what there is to it, but if that isn’t appealing that’s no one’s business but your own. > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Human: “Did I mention I find aliens _really sexy?_” > > Alien Overlord: “Surgeons! Take it out! Take it out!” I laughed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/37 "2011-03-13T03:46:49Z")
I find this the biggest criminal issue of our biology. Not that you’re asexual, but that people are all over the friggin map…what are the freekin odds you end up with someone with a compatible libido…long term? ---
**Author:** ![Sinister\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Sinister\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinister_Duck)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/38 "2011-03-13T04:11:10Z")
a link for the asexuals and might-be-asexuals… [AVEN](http://www.asexuality.org/home/), the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. Information, community, even links to asexual friendly internet dating sites or two. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/39 "2011-03-13T04:15:03Z")
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. If you’re happy as you are, then don’t worry about it. I wonder, does anybody know if there’s maybe an asexuals dating site out there she could check out? Surely there must be… And…that’s why I should preview. Thanks, **Sinister Duck**. ---
**Author:** ![Walmarticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Walmarticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walmarticus)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/40 "2011-03-13T04:52:34Z")
There is absolutely nothing close to being wrong with having no interest in sex to speak of. There are plenty of people out there, male and female, that feel the exact same way. If you ever intend to change your ways, make sure it’s because you actually feel like it, not because you feel different- you aren’t really. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427.md?page=3)