# Am I asexual or just a normal woman? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 12, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427 "2011-03-12T17:32:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![turtledove\_river](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e79b87/32.png) [@turtledove\_river](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/turtledove_river)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/61 "2011-03-13T22:47:54Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > If you had said it’d be nice to have someone to talk with and share things with and support and get support from and maybe have children someday, etc, then I’d say get a vibrator. I know it’s completly out of context, but it made me laugh so hard. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/62 "2011-03-13T22:52:48Z")
I don’t know what happened then, all I know is she said that she used to have feeling in her clitoris, and then after a while she stopped having feeling in it and now she has to be really absurdly violent with it to feel anything. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2011, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/63 "2011-03-13T22:57:35Z")
> [@Walmarticus](#): > > [QUOTE=BigT] > Even if you are happy without sex, you might be unhappy with some sort of biological problem of which lack of sex drive is just one symptom. Like what? [/QUOTE] Hypothyroidism, PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and depression are the Big Three libido killers. Other things that affect hormones and/or nerves, like tumors (adrenal, brain or spinal) or diabetes can do it. Elevated estrogen levels from being overweight are another suspected factor in low libido. And, of course, birth control pills, patches, rings and anti-depressants are all notorious for killing the libido. ---
**Author:** ![Walmarticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Walmarticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walmarticus)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2011, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/64 "2011-03-14T00:07:45Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Hypothyroidism, PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and depression are the Big Three libido killers. Other things that affect hormones and/or nerves, like tumors (adrenal, brain or spinal) or diabetes can do it. Elevated estrogen levels from being overweight are another suspected factor in low libido. > > And, of course, birth control pills, patches, rings and anti-depressants are all notorious for killing the libido. Those are all libido _killers_, sure. What about biological things that would keep a libido from developing in the first place? Aside from stuff like ‘huh, I’ve been gay all along’. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2011, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/65 "2011-03-14T01:20:32Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > I don’t know what happened then, all I know is she said that she used to have feeling in her clitoris, and then after a while she stopped having feeling in it and now she has to be really absurdly violent with it to feel anything. She may have just gotten used to the female equivalent of the “death grip” - you’re so accustomed to masturbating with your vibrator turned on full blast that anything else just doesn’t do it for you. It’s possible to train yourself out of that habit if you want. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2011, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/66 "2011-03-14T02:39:46Z")
> [@Walmarticus](#): > > Those are all libido _killers_, sure. What about biological things that would keep a libido from developing in the first place? It’s not biological, but childhood sexual abuse can cause all kinds of problems in the development of one’s sexual response. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2011, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/67 "2011-03-14T03:21:08Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > It honestly sounds like one of those urban legends parents might trot out to scare kids away from masturbating. My first thought was that it was a way for her to make **Jragon** not feel bad about the fact that she couldn’t orgasm with her. “No, honey, it’s not you–my clitoris is dead! Really!” I mean, you’d have to do something incredibly painful to damage your clitoris–I doubt it could happen without you noticing it. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2011, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/68 "2011-03-14T04:28:35Z")
> [@turtledove\_river](#): > > I know it’s completly out of context, but it made me laugh so hard. 😃 Oh dear. Not quite what I meant to say. 😃 As a first step! AS A FIRST STEP! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecc23a/32.png) [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicolas_Bourbaki)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2011, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/69 "2011-03-14T04:59:25Z")
I read it as the female equivalent of ‘death grip’ as well, with a little bit of hyperbole; I didn’t think it was actual physical trauma. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2011, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/70 "2011-03-14T13:36:57Z")
> [@Walmarticus](#): > > Those are all libido _killers_, sure. What about biological things that would keep a libido from developing in the first place? > > Aside from stuff like ‘huh, I’ve been gay all along’. Nothing common, which is why I didn’t suggest medical review in my very first reply. Some rare endocrine disorder, possibly. Abuse, as another poster mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2011, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/71 "2011-03-14T14:41:56Z")
[quote=“monstro, post:50, topic:574427”] I have to really concentrate on the feelings and not let my mind wander. Though, I imagine if I had a “target” to focus on it would be much easier. “Trust your feelings, Luke. . . Let go, use the force, Luke.” Sorry, I’m a bit tipsy~ **turtledover** , I think you’ve gotten some great advice in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2011, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/72 "2011-03-14T17:43:53Z")
**turtledover** , I’m a lot like you. I have a lower-than-normal sex drive, and wasn’t really interested in a boyfriend for sexual reasons (I had some emotional issues which meant I always had a boyfriend from when I was 16, but not for that), and didn’t have sex until I got married (at 28) without really feeling like I was missing out particularly. That being said, I’m also one of those people who gets much more interested in a guy once we’ve got to know each other emotionally and intellectually, and I am very very attracted to my husband and quite enjoy sex with him (although it took me a couple of years to get to that point – so be aware that if you do fall in love with someone and start having sex with him, it may take you a while to get used to it and enjoy it, and that’s fine and – maybe I shouldn’t say normal? but at least with precedent). Also, I have a fairly well regulated reproductive system, so (once it was jumpstarted by having sex – I never felt this way before we got married) I get pretty horny about once a month. (Little One was conceived on the second try.) My sister is completely the other way – she is definitely sexually attracted to people at the very first, and I think she’d go mad without regular sex. For a long time it was hard for us to understand the other talking about sexual matters because we saw it so differently. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2011, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/73 "2011-03-14T18:09:00Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > My first thought was that it was a way for her to make **Jragon** not feel bad about the fact that she couldn’t orgasm with her. “No, honey, it’s not you–my clitoris is dead! Really!” > > I mean, you’d have to do something incredibly painful to damage your clitoris–I doubt it could happen without you noticing it. Well, no, I do make her orgasm, since she can stimulate her clitoris herself during sex it’s not a problem at all. It was sort of just a conversation that came up when I was a little worried with the odd painful looking way she was abusing it. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2011, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/74 "2011-03-14T23:28:20Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > That’s her side of the story, I was honestly thinking the same thing when I first heard it. I assume that she may have slipped up and accidentally damaged it by doing something weird, but not in a way painful enough to notice. It’s got to be a tractor accident. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/75 "2011-03-15T00:53:39Z")
The porn star Chloe Nichole damaged her clitoris on a jungle gym bar when she was young. But she can orgasm via G spot stimulation. From what I understand, the external clitoris is only one portion of a much larger organ. The “G spot” is the same organ as it contacts the interior of the vagina. With G spot stimulation, even women who have suffered extensive damage to the clitoris and labia (like victims of FGM) may be able to orgasm. As always, your mileage may vary. ---
**Author:** ![xoferew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/e9a140/32.png) [@xoferew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xoferew)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2011, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427/76 "2011-03-15T01:35:42Z")
Sinister Duck’s link was interesting – I had no idea there were people out there who identified as, say, “lesbian asexuals” or “asexuals who take pleasure in sex.” No disrespect intended; it was quite educational. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-asexual-or-just-a-normal-woman/574427.md?page=3)