# Am I behind for my age? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 28, 2025, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365 "2025-10-28T15:57:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SaSaLeLe2011](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@SaSaLeLe2011](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaSaLeLe2011)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/1 "2025-10-28T15:57:03Z")
So I’m 14, never kissed a girl, never had sex, never dated a girl. I have no autonomy whatsoever, and I moved to Europe from America recently. No girls at my brand new school in Europe like me (not many did in America). My teenage years are beginning but I know the rest of them will be bad. ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/2 "2025-10-28T16:01:57Z")
I had not done any of those things at 14, and I’m a perfectly well-adjusted human being. _\*twitch\*_ ETA: autonomy-wise, it’s one of the things you’ll just have to put up with. Four more years, and you are your own master… ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/3 "2025-10-28T16:03:49Z")
> [@SaSaLeLe2011](#): > > So I’m 14, never kissed a girl, never had sex, never dated a girl. Pretty typical IME. Yes, a few kids will be ahead of where you are, but they’ll be bragging out of all proportion to their reality. Per the latest research I read about current American teens, a sizable fraction graduate from HS without having had sex. More are still virgins now than 50 years ago when I graduated. This is a readily Googleable question. You’ll probably learn you’re not as atypical as your imagination assumes. > [@SaSaLeLe2011](#): > > I have no autonomy whatsoever What does that mean to you? > [@SaSaLeLe2011](#): > > No girls at my brand new school in Europe like me Historically people from another country have a lot of novelty value on the friendship / dating front. I can’t speak to current practice where you are. Maybe think about how to play up the positive aspects of being culturally novel. ---
**Author:** ![SaSaLeLe2011](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@SaSaLeLe2011](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaSaLeLe2011)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/4 "2025-10-28T16:04:05Z")
Yeah, that’s what I thought. It’s still young and little ---
**Author:** ![SaSaLeLe2011](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@SaSaLeLe2011](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaSaLeLe2011)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/5 "2025-10-28T16:05:11Z")
Having no autonomy, meaning that I always go out with my parents, I don’t want to… but it’s a new country and I don’t have a lot of friends (even less willing to go out with me) ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/6 "2025-10-28T16:05:20Z")
Thread will probably go to IMHO. But I’d done none of those things at age 14 either. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/7 "2025-10-28T16:08:34Z")
Relax, bro. You have your youth and your health - what you want with a girl? All those things you never have done yet lead to drama and trouble anyway. Enjoy your youth! More seriously, just be yourself and the things you want will come to be at some point. Don’t let the experiences of others determine how your life should go. And no, you are not behind at all for your age on those things. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/8 "2025-10-28T16:11:15Z")
Common and completely normal. The title you chose for this thread indicates that you are comparing yourself to others. Please don’t do that. That will only be a source of misery for you. Your life is unique. Don’t worry, life experiences will happen to you when they happen. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/9 "2025-10-28T16:22:47Z")
All of these things are common for American men at age 14. 70.7% have never had sex. 65% have never dated. 37% have never been kissed. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/10 "2025-10-28T16:30:25Z")
> It’ll be ok. You’re perfect just like you are. All you need is time. Time will cure all this. Can you join any groups of like minded hobby enthusiasts? ---
**Author:** ![SaSaLeLe2011](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@SaSaLeLe2011](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaSaLeLe2011)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/11 "2025-10-28T16:47:01Z")
37% 😬 That’s a minority, but to be fair, I did grow up in Los Angeles, where it’s much harder than some small town in the midwest ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/12 "2025-10-28T17:10:17Z")
**Moderating:** Please try to start your OPs in the appropriate Forums. (Categories). This is the second OP you started in #Factual Questions that belonged in #In My Humble Opinion (IMHO) or maybe #Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS). #Factual Questions is for questions with a factual answer and not opinions and anecdotes. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/13 "2025-10-28T17:12:48Z")
Never had sex at 14? I would hope not. I’m all for teenage autonomy but 14 is a bit young. I would not worry about this too much. Focus on improving the life you have in the ways that you can. What women find most attractive in a man is that has their own irons in the fire. This could mean working on projects that interest them or focusing on academics, or… anything. The men with the most game are the ones that aren’t particularly worried about their game. And if you’re having trouble making friends, I would probably start there. It’s going to be hard to find a girlfriend if you don’t have friends. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/14 "2025-10-28T18:05:01Z")
> [@Wendell\_Wagner](#): > > 65% have never dated. 37% have never been kissed. So 28% have been kissed without dating? Those kids must be throwing some wild parties. I assume they don’t mean killed by an aunt or something. To the OP: You’re probably healthier the way you are. Do you know the language of your new country? The customs? Maybe your parents are worried that you’d not react fast enough if they left you home. And where are the dragging you? I can imagine some places you will be thankful for in a few years. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/15 "2025-10-28T18:18:57Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > So 28% have been kissed without dating? Those kids must be throwing some wild parties. I assume they don’t mean killed by an aunt or something. FWIW, when I was a teenager, I kissed a lot of girls without dating them. Those were all making out “one night stands” that happened at parties, and that wasn’t unusual for the times and the place. But I only ever had sex the first time at 18, so there’s that. So to the OP: relax, I was the same at 14 as most are, these things will be coming to you. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/16 "2025-10-28T18:27:11Z")
At least in my era and area … Before having a car & appropriate learner’s permit or license, “dating” was difficult. How to get both of you from respective homes together to a common venue, not have parents hanging around, and get both home otherwise? Folks in e.g. NYC or inner London (or tiny small towns) didn’t have that problem. Us suburban kids sure did. OTOH, sneaking out behind the school building, etc., for a kissing session was pretty practical even as a little kid, much less a tween / early teen. By far the hardest part for me was finding any girl so inclined. Regardless of my age. Dating also costs money. Kissing (usually) doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/17 "2025-10-28T18:32:11Z")
Teenage party culture was different in Germany, at least in my time in the mid 80s. Drinking age for beer and wine is 16, and from that age on, it was the norm that parents stayed out of their teenage children’s parties. And even if they were present from time to time, they wouldn’t have minded people kissing, why would they? That’s what teenagers do. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/18 "2025-10-28T18:40:44Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > why would they? That’s what teenagers do. Oh, to live in a society where 80% of the adults aren’t in thrall to Jeebus and His raging paranoia and hatred about all things sexual. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/19 "2025-10-28T18:41:43Z")
And yet we have much, much fewer teenage pregnancies. Go figure! ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365/20 "2025-10-28T18:42:33Z")
At 14, you should not be having sex. You are not mature enough to deal with the consequences. Most of the kids who say they’ve had sex, especially the boys, are lying. The ones at your age who did have often been abused. It’s perfectly OK to not even be in the ballpark at your age. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-behind-for-my-age/1024365.md?page=2)