# Am I farting holes in my underwear? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [March 29, 2001, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971 "2001-03-29T14:25:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2001, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/21 "2001-03-30T18:42:09Z")
What you are telling us then, is that your spunk if funky? Hmmmmmmmmmm… You might try to drink some pineapple juice, or other acidic-type foods to help with that little problem. 😉 > [@](#): > > Perhaps it’s the high alkalinity that rots the cotton. Perhaps it’s the chemical reaction between a high alkalinity and acidic sweat. BTW, acidity and alkalinity (sp?) kind of cancel each other out when properly balanced. (see pH balancing) so how would this work? ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2001, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/22 "2001-03-30T20:15:37Z")
_Anus Ground Zero_ would be a GREAT name for a band! ---
**Author:** ![choosybeggar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@choosybeggar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/choosybeggar)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2001, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/23 "2001-03-30T20:40:09Z")
These guys can chew through all the leftover gunk that gets dumped into the colon, why not cotton as well? They can probably ride the winds (so to speak) and deposit locally onto your undies. There, they will try to make do, aided by the moist enviornment alluded to by **CalMeacham**. But what’s a poor coliform to eat? Holes in your shorts, that’s what. If this is the case, regular washing in warm, dilute bleach should alleviate the problem. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2001, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/24 "2001-03-30T21:18:36Z")
Good Lord, **mojo** , that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day… …blade of grass… [slaps knee, snorts] …he kills me… Oh, and as for what you call it? Poot, toot, fart, float an air biscuit, whatever. A rose by any other name would smell as rotten. ---
**Author:** ![msc75](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc79bd/32.png) [@msc75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msc75)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/25 "2001-03-31T03:50:57Z")
I have to post this: [http://thesmokinggun.com/patent/ergonomic1.shtml](http://thesmokinggun.com/patent/ergonomic1.shtml) ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/26 "2001-03-31T04:02:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sue Duhnym \* > \*\*_Anus Ground Zero_ would be a GREAT name for a band! \*\* I was going to say it, but I figured I couldn’t be that opportunistic in my own thread. 🙂 Sounds like a punk sort of band, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/27 "2001-03-31T04:38:44Z")
_Definitely_ punk. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/28 "2001-03-31T08:51:33Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by RickJay \* \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sue Duhnym \* > \*\*_Anus Ground Zero_ would be a GREAT name for a band! \*\* I kinda like **Anal** Ground Zero myself. Quasi ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/29 "2001-03-31T14:24:58Z")
Anus Ground Zero’s first album would be “The Flies are Humping My Radio”, no? ---
**Author:** ![Lance\_Turbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lance_turbo/32/6156_2.png) [@Lance\_Turbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lance_Turbo)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/30 "2001-03-31T15:23:39Z")
Always remove your underwear before engaging in anal intercourse. Seriously though, I have never had a hole in the back of my underwear. However, I do get holes in the crotch. According to my girlfriend, I scratch my balls more than anyone she ever met. Based on that rock solid scientific evidence, I’m going with the scratching theory. Pardon me if I don’t shake your hand when we meet **RickJay**. Come to think of it, I can’t imagine that anyone would want to shake my hand now. ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/31 "2001-03-31T16:46:17Z")
You sure yer not just wearin’ em backwards? ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/32 "2001-04-02T12:03:06Z")
It does. It really does. The gusset of black undies will go beige where menstrual blood has leaked onto it from a slipped pad or a too-small tampon. Am I the world’s only amazing oxidising lady? My theory of the holes in the arse end of your knickers is that there is strain being placed on the back seam of the undies. This may be from squirming, or it may be the combination of large butt cheeks and big balls. My man gets holes in the underside of his underpants. He’s got fairly big buttocks (for a man). ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/33 "2001-04-02T13:32:18Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Lance Turbo \* > \*\* > Seriously though, I have never had a hole in the back of my underwear. However, I do get holes in the crotch. According to my girlfriend, I scratch my balls more than anyone she ever met. Based on that rock solid scientific evidence, I’m going with the scratching theory._\* I don’t scratch my ass much, and I don’t scratch where I’m getting the holes at all. I DO scratch my nuts quite a bit, though, because it feels so darned good. I closely inspected my BVD and Fruit of the Loom shorts and could find no wearage at AGZ like I’m getting on my Prodige shorts, so maybe it’s the brand of shorts. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/34 "2001-04-02T16:31:27Z")
I’ve never had that problem. But then again, as you all know, slortars are closed biological systems, solely fueled by afternoon naps and video games. ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/35 "2001-04-02T17:56:55Z")
Just how closely **did** you inspect those underwear? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/36 "2001-04-02T20:38:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*\*\*RickJay \*\* > I wear the proper size and my ass is not unusually large for that size. Ummm. . . Not unusually large for that size. 😕 I’m kind of tall for my height. ---
**Author:** ![Chinaco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71c47a/32.png) [@Chinaco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chinaco)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/37 "2001-06-13T17:19:23Z")
This is kindof gross, but I’ve had a problem with ANTS eating the crotch out of my panties (the dirty ones). I don’t have a flatulence issue, though, but I suspect they’d be attracted to most, um, bodily excretions (I’ve seen them swarming over dirty sweatsocks). Maybe it’s a combination of the type of fiber and the substance (from you) that is on the fabric - they don’t seem to go after every pair I’ve got, only the Victoria’s Secret cotton panties. Maybe you’ve got ants in your pants. heh ---
**Author:** ![Chinaco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71c47a/32.png) [@Chinaco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chinaco)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/38 "2001-06-13T17:24:52Z")
This is kindof gross, but I’ve had a problem with ANTS eating the crotch out of my panties (the dirty ones). I don’t have a flatulence issue, though, but I suspect they’d be attracted to most, um, bodily excretions (I’ve seen them swarming over dirty sweatsocks). Maybe it’s a combination of the type of fiber and the substance (from you) that is on the fabric - they don’t seem to go after every pair I’ve got, only the Victoria’s Secret cotton panties. Maybe you’ve got ants in your pants. heh ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/39 "2001-06-13T18:00:50Z")
I not only don’t fart holes in my undies, I have no recollection of sending this to “threadspotting”. Hmmmm…I may have submitted the aha thread about shitting your pants, though. Zette ---
**Author:** ![Acco40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Acco40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acco40)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2001, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971/40 "2001-06-13T19:42:26Z")
“Note to self - ‘wash hands before eating’.” Jeez, no wonder gas pump handles are so friggin germ-infested… everyone out there is scratching a hole through the downtown-area of assville. I wondered where all those germs came from, and why money smells like shit. Now I know. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-farting-holes-in-my-underwear/59971.md?page=3)