# Am I having an affair? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 10, 2010, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426 "2010-01-10T20:50:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/41 "2010-01-11T03:47:16Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > For most women, the single most devastating part about affairs is the fact that their husbands didn’t have contracts with the women they knocked up. You’ve got that part covered, though, so you should be fine. First time I’ve really spewed coffee all over my monitor, well done sir. ---
**Author:** ![Rumor\_Watkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@Rumor\_Watkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rumor_Watkins)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/42 "2010-01-11T03:50:38Z")
> [@Zhen\_ka](#): > > And, whatever contract you entered into with this women will mean squat in family court when the best interests of the child will make any arrangement void. Nevermind. Seems to have been addressed ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/43 "2010-01-11T03:53:40Z")
Since when does a mother have a right to sign away rights that don’t belong to her? ---
**Author:** ![Rumor\_Watkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@Rumor\_Watkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rumor_Watkins)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/44 "2010-01-11T03:54:58Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Since when does a mother have a right to sign away rights that don’t belong to her? It depends on the state and how they want to deal with sperm donors who apparently don’t go through official-enough channels. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/45 "2010-01-11T03:56:07Z")
This isn’t a conventional sperm donor, though. He’s fucking her. ---
**Author:** ![Rumor\_Watkins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@Rumor\_Watkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rumor_Watkins)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/46 "2010-01-11T03:58:27Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > This isn’t a conventional sperm donor, though. He’s fucking her. that’s what i meant by “not official enough” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/47 "2010-01-11T04:23:18Z")
It’s really too bad there isn’t a legal way to personally donate sperm. Why go through tens of thousands of dollars or even worse bill it all to the already stressed health insurance system when you can just have sex and get pregnant. And before you say it’s not fair to the child it’s no different than a regular sperm donor not having responsibility for the child. Maybe a legal form that both parties have to sign in front of a Notary Public. I’ve thought of it many times, if I wanted a child and needed some sperm I would do this exact thing. I don’t see what’s so awful except that his wife doesn’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/48 "2010-01-11T04:29:03Z")
> [@SP2263](#): > > I’ve thought of it many times, if I wanted a child and needed some sperm I would do this exact thing. I don’t see what’s so awful except that his wife doesn’t know. Other than that the wording makes it sound like he’s actually fucking her to deposit the sperm, you mean? I’ll add the potential/likely future obligation on his part to support his child, then, when she decides to drop that bombshell on him. ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/49 "2010-01-11T04:36:17Z")
That’s why I said there should be a legal way to do this. An anonymous donor is also not supporting his child, if and when there is one. Actually I think they should be doing the sperm-to-cup-to-vagina thing. ---
**Author:** ![Zhen\_ka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecccb3/32.png) [@Zhen\_ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zhen_ka)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/50 "2010-01-11T04:43:10Z")
> [@SP2263](#): > > It’s really too bad there isn’t a legal way to personally donate sperm. Why go through tens of thousands of dollars or even worse bill it all to the already stressed health insurance system when you can just have sex and get pregnant. > > And before you say it’s not fair to the child it’s no different than a regular sperm donor not having responsibility for the child. Maybe a legal form that both parties have to sign in front of a Notary Public. > > I’ve thought of it many times, if I wanted a child and needed some sperm I would do this exact thing. I don’t see what’s so awful except that his wife doesn’t know. There is an intermediary involved with sperm donation, not to mention anonymity. The problem is with selfish people who do what they want (“I want a child!”) without thinking about the child in question. I would think that if wanting a child is so important, then people would think about the needs of that child before their own. ETA: There is a legal way to get pregnant your way…have sex with some guy and get pregnant. Don’t tell him and don’t come after him (or the state) for support. Provide for your child. The end. ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/51 "2010-01-11T04:49:35Z")
Almost seven hours from the initial OP, and no response? I’d call any suspicions basically validated by now. ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/52 "2010-01-11T05:01:02Z")
> [@Zhen\_ka](#): > > ETA: There is a legal way to get pregnant your way…have sex with some guy and get pregnant. Don’t tell him and don’t come after him (or the state) for support. Provide for your child. The end. There should be a legal way for the father to not be responsible if a woman intentionally tricks him into getting her pregnant and then later demands child support. Wasn’t there a legal case where a woman took sperm from a discarded condom, impregnated herself, and sued the father for support? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/53 "2010-01-11T05:05:19Z")
> [@SP2263](#): > > It’s really too bad there isn’t a legal way to personally donate sperm. Why go through tens of thousands of dollars or even worse bill it all to the already stressed health insurance system when you can just have sex and get pregnant. Actually, in many locations there is a way to donate sperm and renounce parental rights, but it involves filing the renunciation documents at the court and doesn’t invalidate all of the child’s filial rights. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/54 "2010-01-11T05:07:31Z")
> [@dnooman](#): > > Almost seven hours from the initial OP, and no response? I’d call any suspicions basically validated by now. It’s not certain she’s pregnant yet. Maybe he’s making sure. ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/55 "2010-01-11T05:13:12Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Actually, in many locations there is a way to donate sperm and renounce parental rights, but it involves filing the renunciation documents at the court and doesn’t invalidate all of the child’s filial rights. I was wondering about that. I know a few children whose parents have renounced their parental rights. Maybe a man in this situation could be legally protected if a witness states that the parties were more than ten feet apart at the time of insemination. This would be a new and interesting job for the Notary Public. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/56 "2010-01-11T05:25:36Z")
Give me a few days off, show me the right video, and I can manage the ten feet. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/57 "2010-01-11T05:32:50Z")
Ok you’ve got your distance, how’s your accuracy? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/58 "2010-01-11T05:56:47Z")
We’ll need a funnel. A big one. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/59 "2010-01-11T06:15:38Z")
If the OP is telling the truth, then I think the greatest tragedy is that he probably won’t provide a follow-up post detailing how his wife found out about the arrangement because his baby mama took him to court for unpaid child support. ---
**Author:** ![ajb867](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f14d63/32.png) [@ajb867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ajb867)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426/60 "2010-01-11T08:35:15Z")
You are guys are all feeding the proverbial duck on this one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-an-affair/524426.md?page=4)