# Am I having orgasms? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 19, 2010, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589 "2010-01-19T18:27:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rafe\_Hollister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Rafe\_Hollister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rafe_Hollister)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/21 "2010-01-19T21:54:38Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > Even within my relatively modest number of sexual partners during my lifetime, it was easy to observe that there was often quite a difference between one woman’s orgasm and another’s. > > So if it makes you feel good, keep on doing it. X2 I’ll also add that my women have all expressed a very marked difference between clitoral and vaginal (g-spot) orgasms. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/22 "2010-01-19T22:00:26Z")
You should have made this a poll. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/23 "2010-01-19T22:19:19Z")
> [@Beadalin](#): > > I totally disagree with the “you’ll know it when you have it” notion. > > I have no idea how old the OP is or what her experience has been so far, but romance novels and porn both give pretty ridiculous impressions of what an orgasm is supposed to feel like for a woman. > > Reading things like “Clan of the Cave Bear” and shit like that when I was in my young teens had me convinced that there was this thing I experienced from masturbating, and then there was CLIMAX. I seriously thought that there was some mythical other level of physical satisfaction that perhaps only came from being with someone else. Turns out, no. I was orgasming all along, I just didn’t have the experience to know that was really what it was (I definitely know now!). Yep, “if you have to ask you’re not” is BS. Go read Yahoo answers for a while if you think this is true - lots of girls have the wrong idea about what they’re supposed to be feeling, and don’t catch on that that’s it for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/24 "2010-01-19T23:02:36Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Hasn’t this whole clitoral/vaginal orgasm thing been debunked? You can stimulate each to get an orgasm but an orgasm involves both the clitoris and vagina. Yes. Anyone striving for a purely vaginal orgasm needs to look at a diagram. The tip of the iceberg metaphor is used for a reason. The clitoris extends deep inside, with different shapes and depths depending on the woman. Beyond that, if something is going in your vagina, it is likely tugging or directly stimulating your (external) clitoris. But yes, there are a million different kinds of orgasms, each better than the last (well okay, occasionally you’ll get distracted just as you’re cumming and it won’t make it to the all-time greatest list). Some involve major contractions, some don’t. That being said, I know more than one woman who assumed she was having orgasms because she felt really good… until she actually had one (alone, after much experimentation with a massager). The best metaphor is really the ‘tipping point,’ I think. Sex or masturbation can feel great, but IMHO an orgasm is the unmissable, undeniable (except to a few misguided souls) end to a sentence. Until you want another one. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/25 "2010-01-19T23:41:31Z")
This reminds me of Desperate Housewives, when Bree, in her 40’s, went running to her doctor claiming she had had some kind of bizarre seizure after getting together with Orson. “What were you doing when you had this seizure, Bree?” “My fiancee and I were…relaxing…on the bed…”. It wasn’t a sign of a dread illness, needless to say, much to Bree’s surprise. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/26 "2010-01-20T00:01:45Z")
At least to me, that certainly does sound like what you’re having. So I agree with everyone else and suggest you go have some more. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/27 "2010-01-20T14:09:10Z")
> [@otternell](#): > > Because the definition is not going to be applicable for all people anyway. There are lots of women who do not experience orgasms from only vaginal stimulation. I’m not talking about the whole vaginal/clitoral thing; that’s like arguing about which is the better sportscar, a Ferrari or a Lamborghini. The OP’s question was simply whether she was or was not having orgasms, which is more like debating the difference between a Ferrari and a really, really nice bicycle. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/28 "2010-01-20T14:14:16Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > That being said, I know more than one woman who assumed she was having orgasms because she felt really good… until she actually had one (alone, after much experimentation with a massager). The best metaphor is really the ‘tipping point,’ I think. Sex or masturbation can feel great, but IMHO an orgasm is the unmissable, undeniable (except to a few misguided souls) end to a sentence. Until you want another one. I think that tipping point is a really good term. To me it feels like I’ve passed through a portal. It’s not a state of being, it’s an event. **Diamonds02** , if what you’re experiencing is sustainable for however long you want, it’s probably not the Big O. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/29 "2010-01-20T14:16:08Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Sex or masturbation can feel great, but IMHO an orgasm is the unmissable, undeniable (except to a few misguided souls) end to a sentence. And here I thought the end of a sentence was called a period. ---
**Author:** ![Surbey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@Surbey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surbey)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/30 "2010-01-20T14:49:27Z")
I wish you were a guy, this would have been so much easier to answer 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dada2fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ccd318/32.png) [@dada2fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dada2fish)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/31 "2010-01-20T15:05:48Z")
To the OP: Once this sensation is over does your clitoris/ vaginal area feel overly sensitive like you don’t want to touch it anymore? Do you feel DONE, like you’re empty, drained, satified, not horny anymore? That’s usually a good sign. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/32 "2010-01-20T15:42:46Z")
> [@Rafe\_Hollister](#): > > X2 > > I’ll also add that my women have all expressed a very marked difference between clitoral and vaginal (g-spot) orgasms. So did mine - at least, those I was intimate with after I learned about the G-spot. (My days as a single guy were back in the 1970s and 1980s.) And in response to **MoodIndigo** , it wasn’t just the _strength_ of orgasms that varied between women, though that did too. They were just _different_ in ways that I don’t really have a good vocabulary for. ---
**Author:** ![snowmaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@snowmaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowmaster)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/33 "2010-01-20T15:54:22Z")
> [@bup](#): > > I’m a guy, so I don’t know, but I have heard both sexes compare it to a sneeze - the building, the involuntary shudder, and the sense of release. For this man, that’s accurate. It’s like the most excellent sneeze. In my penis. best explaination so far, methinks. Orgasm in women usually involves a tensing of muscles, physical exertion, heavy breathing. At climax, some loss of muscular control (a shudder) folowed by relaing of muscles, letting out a held breath. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/34 "2010-01-20T16:08:06Z")
For a long time, I wondered the same thing. Occasionally during sex, feelings would build and get more intense, but there was never that explosive, drop-off-a-cliff type of release. At best, it was more like driving up and over a big hill. It was great when it happened, but the intensity was a curve, not a peak. I also had hangups about losing control at that time, so I was kind of fine with the idea of not having orgasms. Then I got over my hangups and learned how to masturbate, and got the big explosive release, and I thought, “Okay, so \*this \*is an orgasm. Then, no, I was definitely \*not \*having them before.” But later still, (and with a different partner) I started noticing those over-the-big-hill feelings happening more often during sex - nearly every time. And the more I noticed them, the more I was able to increase the sensations and enjoy them. And I wondered again whether these might be orgasms, too, but just a different kind. Then one day, it occurred to me that I should try masturbating \*during \*sex. That didn’t work. So finally, I tried getting myself almost to orgasm and then finishing while having sex. And it worked… and it basically felt like driving up and over a big hill. It was just as good as the peak-type feeling, but very, very different. So my conclusion now is that, yeah, those hills probably are orgasms; they just feel different for whatever reason. So while a few years ago, I was firmly in the “you’ll know it when you have it” camp, I’m now inclined towards “not all orgasms are the same”. As others have said, if you like the feeling, keep doing it. Be open to trying other things, because you might discover other feelings that are more intense, more sustained, whatever - but you might not, too, and that’s fine. Oh, and I just wanted to note that this is often true for me in part: > [@MissSwitac](#): > > To the OP: Once this sensation is over does your clitoris/ vaginal area feel overly sensitive like you don’t want to touch it anymore? Do you feel DONE, like you’re empty, drained, satified, not horny anymore? > That’s usually a good sign. …but I often find that after I’ve masturbated, while I may not want any more clitoral stimulation, I’m totally revved up and ready for sex. So that’s not an absolute, either. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/35 "2010-01-20T16:21:57Z")
I guess the most important question is, when it’s all over, do you feel satisfied, or a little anxious and frustrated? Beyond that, the question of whether it was an orgasm is academic. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/36 "2010-01-20T16:25:17Z")
> [@MissSwitac](#): > > To the OP: Once this sensation is over does your clitoris/ vaginal area feel overly sensitive like you don’t want to touch it anymore? Do you feel DONE, like you’re empty, drained, satified, not horny anymore? > That’s usually a good sign. My fiancee generally gets too sensitive during oral to let me get her off that way. However, she comes _every time_ during PIV sex, and she doesn’t experience any of that stuff after the first orgasm. She’s worn out for about 5 seconds and then starts getting worked up again. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/37 "2010-01-20T16:26:32Z")
Well, I don’t know if the frustrated thing means anything. I never used to have multiple orgasms before, and sometimes I’d feel let down when I finished because…it was over. Now I usually take a slight break but often I’m pretty ready to go again. Of course when I’m ovulating a lot of times I feel just as horny when I finish and that leads to different feelings of frustration…ugh. TMI? ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/38 "2010-01-20T16:26:38Z")
> [@snowmaster](#): > > best explaination so far, methinks. Orgasm in women usually involves a tensing of muscles, physical exertion, heavy breathing. At climax, some loss of muscular control (a shudder) folowed by relaing of muscles, letting out a held breath. And the contractions! Let’s not forget those beautiful, beautiful muscle contractions! Look, as to the whole ‘pure vaginal ogasms are a myth’ stuff, who the heck cares about a ‘pure’ vaginal orgasm. I don’t care if my entire vagina is shellacked with a double layer of clitoral tissue; the only important thing is the fact that I can have the kind of nice orgasm I get when my OUTER clitoris is stimulated and I get to have the nice deep kind of intense one that I get when having PIV intercourse. I’m willing to call it any name at all. Let’s call it a schmorgasm. ETA: an innerclitorgasm? ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/39 "2010-01-20T16:30:30Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > I’m willing to call it any name at all. Let’s call it a schmorgasm. Well, great. Now you’ve got me wondering if I’m having schmorgasms! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2010, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589/40 "2010-01-20T16:31:49Z")
So if a penis, a mouth, a vibrator and your fingers are all applied to get you off at the same time, is it a _schmorgasmbord_? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-having-orgasms/525589.md?page=3)