# Am I meant to be alone??!! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 19, 2014, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560 "2014-07-19T22:16:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![GirlDown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eb9ed0/32.png) [@GirlDown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GirlDown)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/1 "2014-07-19T22:16:08Z")
Im a 28 year old women. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is very sweet , polite and just nice to be around. I find myself more and more thinking of other men, both sexually and platonic hangouts. About 5 months ago I met a man who in some ways is very different from me but also seems to just “get me” in levels my bf does not. After work on several occasions (we both work in the same shopping center) we shared drinks and well a little more. I was honest with my bf , he forgave me and wants to start over. The obvious problem is do i stay with my bf who is loving and loyal …despite the lack attraction i have. Or see where things could go with the “new man” Any help?? i seem to look for reasons why i shouldnt be with someone… i do get bored easily but am much happier being in a LTR. I love my bf …but actions often speak louder than words ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/2 "2014-07-19T22:48:31Z")
> [@GirlDown](#): > > Im a 28 year old women. Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is very sweet , polite and just nice to be around. I find myself more and more thinking of other men, both sexually and platonic hangouts. > About 5 months ago I met a man who in some ways is very different from me but also seems to just “get me” in levels my bf does not. After work on several occasions (we both work in the same shopping center) we shared drinks and well a little more. > I was honest with my bf , he forgave me and wants to start over. > The obvious problem is do i stay with my bf who is loving and loyal …despite the lack attraction i have. Or see where things could go with the “new man” > Any help?? i seem to look for reasons why i shouldnt be with someone… i do get bored easily but am much happier being in a LTR. I love my bf …but actions often speak louder than words It’s kind of a misleading thread title. It seems the only two options you’re considering are being with one man or being with another. I say you should end things with your boyfriend. Give him a chance to find real love from a woman who appreciates him and actually wants to be with him. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/3 "2014-07-19T22:53:53Z")
Gosh…you joined us just to ask this? Fancy that. No, I see you have two other posts. So, I guess the important question is “which one has the larger penis?” ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/4 "2014-07-19T22:54:56Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > It’s kind of a misleading thread title. It seems the only two options you’re considering are being with one man or being with another. > > I say you should end things with your boyfriend. Give him a chance to find real love from a woman who appreciates him and actually wants to be with him. Exactly, you are doing him no favors by staying. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/5 "2014-07-19T22:57:12Z")
Generally, cheating on people you’re in monogamous relationships with doesn’t bode well. I’m gonna have to have to agree with **Fuzzy Dunlop** : > [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > I say you should end things with your boyfriend. Give him a chance to find real love from a woman who appreciates him and actually wants to be with him. ---
**Author:** ![GirlDown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eb9ed0/32.png) [@GirlDown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GirlDown)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/6 "2014-07-19T23:09:23Z")
The title meaning I find small problems with every relationship. keyword is Small. If am right and the problem is me , my real question being should I work on a LTR while trying to identify and overcome these pety reasons that speak more about own fears, insecurities etc ---
**Author:** ![GirlDown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eb9ed0/32.png) [@GirlDown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GirlDown)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/7 "2014-07-19T23:12:12Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Gosh…you joined us just to ask this? Fancy that. No, I see you have two other posts. So, I guess the important question is “which one has the larger penis?” Gosh you read and replied just to say that? ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/8 "2014-07-19T23:16:01Z")
IMHO: Don’t ever stay with someone if you are no longer attracted to him/her – whether physically or in any other way. Period. I speak from experience. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/9 "2014-07-19T23:19:36Z")
> [@GirlDown](#): > > The title meaning I find small problems with every relationship. keyword is Small. > If am right and the problem is me , my real question being should I work on a LTR while trying to identify and overcome these pety reasons that speak more about own fears, insecurities etc I was reading something once by a sociologist who researched marriage. He was commenting on research findings that married people report being happier and more fulfilled and in generally better moods than non-married people. Except that his point was that he’s very reluctant to conclude that marriage causes those positive results. Because, he said, although there are many many reasons for people not to get married, what are some common reasons you might think of? Maybe they’re a very negative, critical, unpleasant person, maybe they’re dishonest and unfaithful? In short, maybe unmarried people are unhappier because they’re really unpleasant people you wouldn’t expect to find a husband or wife in the first place, or to report being up beat and positive about life? I never thought of it that way personally before, and I always thought it was a really interesting take on it. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/10 "2014-07-19T23:24:36Z")
> [@GirlDown](#): > > The title meaning I find small problems with every relationship. keyword is Small. > If am right and the problem is me , my real question being should I work on a LTR while trying to identify and overcome these pety reasons that speak more about own fears, insecurities etc Are you going to be honest with the other person? How would you feel if someone was not up front with you and did it to you? For example if you thought you were in a LTR and they broke up with you and said “I’m working through some issues on relationships, this isn’t working for me” wouldn’t you have wanted to know that up front? ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/11 "2014-07-19T23:26:20Z")
Dump both of them and be by yourself for a while. Learn some independence and how to enjoy your own company. Then when you find somebody to be with it will be because he enhances your life, not because you need him to make your life. Oh, and you don’t end a relationship to be with somebody else, you end a relationship because you no longer want to be in it. If you are only staying because you don’t want to be alone then you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. It sounds to me like you want all the benefits of a LTR with none of the responsibilities. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/12 "2014-07-19T23:39:39Z")
> [@GirlDown](#): > > Gosh you read and replied just to say that? There is some suspicion here of people who join only to tell lurid tales of their lives and ask utterly salacious questions - justified suspicion, because quite a few such posters never reply again, and leave hundreds of bickering responders in their wake. On the other hand, some posters have started out with such nakedly personal posts because that was what pushed them over the edge from lurking. If you’re the latter, welcome, but until you establish a pattern of response that indicates you’re actually listening to the answers, don’t be too surprised at a bit of suspicious snark coming your way. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/13 "2014-07-20T00:52:56Z")
I suppose this is not where I suggest she get [breast implants,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=728925) since she’s not really alone. 😉 But I gotta go with this: > [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > … until you establish a pattern of response that indicates you’re actually listening to the answers, don’t be too surprised at a bit of suspicious snark coming your way. You have two fairly salacious threads going at once, and some of us will view you with a cocked eyebrow :dubious: until we know you better. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/14 "2014-07-20T01:17:00Z")
I am _never_ salacious. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/15 "2014-07-20T03:00:14Z")
I was speaking to our hostess, you silly goose. I already know to view _ **you** _ with a cocked eyebrow. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/16 "2014-07-20T03:09:27Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > I suppose this is not where I suggest she get [breast implants,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=728925) since she’s not really alone. 😉 But I gotta go with this: You have two fairly salacious threads going at once, and some of us will view you with a cocked eyebrow :dubious: until we know you better. Word. I just read both threads in succession and I doubt that my left brow will uncock until some time tomorrow afternoon. mmm ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-meant-to-be-alone/693560/17 "2014-07-20T03:15:32Z")
Maybe you’re polyamorous and would like to be involved with both guys. If you’re honest with them both and they’re OK with it, there’s nothing wrong with that and no need to apologize for your inclinations.