# Am I missing any of the chicken jokes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 29, 2002, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326 "2002-07-29T04:43:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/1 "2002-07-29T04:43:49Z")
I think this is all of them. Are there any good ones I missed? Do any of these need revisions? Douglas Adams Forty-two. Aristotle To actualize its potential. Roseanne Barr Urrrrrp. What chicken? Roland Barthes The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road. Brak, of Space Ghost Well, it wasn’t a road, it was a path at the chicken farm, and he was just wandering around. Buddha If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature. George Bush To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights. Julius Caesar To come, to see, to conquer. Candide To cultivate its garden. Bill the Cat Oop Ack. Noam Chomsky The chicken didn’t exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year had spent 82% of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, … (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact Odonian Press) Andrew Dice Clay To (censored), What can I tell you -OOOOOOOOOOH Joseph Conrad Mistah Chicken, he dead. Howard Cosell It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence. Salvador Dali The Fish. Darwin It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. Thomas Dequincy Because it ran out of opium. Jacques Derrida Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is dead. Jacques Derrida (in a contending discourse) What is the _difference?_ The chicken was merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language? Rene Descartes It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway. Emily Dickinson Because it could not stop for death. Bob Dylan How many roads must one chicken cross? Albert Einstein Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. TS Eliot Weialala leia / Wallala leialala. TS Eliot (revisited) Do I dare to cross the road? Ralph Waldo Emerson It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it. Epicurus For fun. Paul Erdos It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle. Basil Fawlty Oh, don’t mind that chicken. It’s from Barcelona. Gerald R. Ford It probably fell from an airplane and couldn’t stop its forward momentum. Michel Foucault It did so because the discourse of crossing the road left it no choice-the police state was oppressing it. Sigmund Freud The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich. Robert Frost To cross the road less traveled by. Zsa Zsa Gabor It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling. Gilligan The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost, the chicken would be lost! Johann Friedrich von Goethe The eternal hen-principle made it do it. Stephen Jay Gould It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation. Ernest Hemingway To die. In the rain. Werner Heisenberg We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast. Hippocrates Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. Adolf Hitler It needed Lebensraum. David Hume Out of custom and habit. Saddam Hussein This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Lee Iacocca It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road. Lyndon Johnson To show the armadillo that, “it can be done.” John Paul Jones It has not yet begun to cross! James Joyce Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down… James Joyce To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of its race. Leopold Bloom Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law. Migration maybe. Mrs Marion Bloom. Molly Bloom the chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why why do you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking of stupid bloody things here it comes again damn it its only been three weeks I wonder is there something wrong with me yes Carl Jung The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. Immanuel Kant Because it was a duty. Martin Luther King It had a dream. James Tiberius Kirk To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Jacques Lacan Because of its desire for _object a_. Stan Laurel I’m sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run. Timothy Leary Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. Leda Are you sure it wasn’t Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He’s into that kind of thing, you know. Gottfried Von Leibniz In this best of all possible worlds, the road was made for it to cross. Machiavelli So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained. Paul de Man The chicken did not really cross the road because one sideand the other are not really opposites in the first place. Paul de Man (uncovered after his death) So no one would find out it wrote for a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years of World War II. Groucho Marx Chicken? What’s all this talk about a chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs. Karl Marx To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle. Also Karl Marx It was a historical inevitability. Katherine McKinnon Because, in this patriarchial state, for the last four centuries, men have applied their principles of justice in determining how chickens should be cared for, their language has demeaned the identity of the chicken, their technology and trucks have decided how and where chickens will be distributed, their science has become the basis for what chickens eat, their sense of humor has provided the framework for this joke, their art and film have given us our perception of chicken life, their lust for flesh has has made the chicken the most consumed animal in the US, and their legal system has left the chicken with no other recourse. Gregor Mendel To get various strains of roads. John Milton To justify the ways of God to men. Eddie Murphy To get to the (censored) other side. Alfred E. Neumann What? Me worry? Sir Isaac Newton Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road. Moses Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and therefore the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation. Jack Nicholson 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason. Nietzsche Because if you gaze too long across the road, the road gazes also across you. Oliver North National Security was at stake. Camille Paglia It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this- their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved… Thomas Paine Out of common sense. Michael Palin Nobody expects the banished inky chicken! Wolfgang Pauli There already was a chicken on the other side of the road. Plato For the greater good. Pyrrho the Skeptic What road? Ayn Rand It was crossing the road _because of its own rational choice to do so_. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual. Ronald Reagan I forget. Jean-Paul Sartre In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road. B.F. Skinner Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will. John Sununu The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity. The Sphinx You tell me. Joseph Stalin I don’t care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette. Georg Friedrich Riemann The answer appears in Dirichlet’s lectures. Mr. Scott 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain! William Shakespeare I don’t know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy about it without much ado. Sisyphus Was it pushing a rock, too? Socrates To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist. Mr. T If you saw me coming you’d cross the road too! Brad Templeton (Moderator of Rec.humor.funny) Do you think I have time to answer questions like that? I’m not a riddle-answering service. Anyway, I’ve heard it before. Margaret Thatcher There was no alternative. Dylan Thomas To not go (sic) gentle into that good night. Henry David Thoreau To live deliberately … and suck all the marrow out of life. Thomas de Torquemada Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out. Mark Twain The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. George Washington Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don’t reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration. Mae West I invited it to come up and see me sometime. Walt Whitman To cluck the song of itself. Ludwig Wittgenstein The possibility of crossing was encoded into the objects chicken and road, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence. William Wordsworth To have something to recollect in tranquility. Malcom X It was coming home to roost. Molly Yard It was a hen! Henny Youngman Take this chicken … please. Zeno of Elea To prove it could never reach the other side. ---
**Author:** ![tavalla](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tavalla/32/89_2.png) [@tavalla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tavalla)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/2 "2002-07-29T05:23:11Z")
Agent Mulder Scully, in spite of all you’ve seen, all we’ve investigated, how could you not believe that the chicken crossed the road? ---
**Author:** ![tavalla](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tavalla/32/89_2.png) [@tavalla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tavalla)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/3 "2002-07-29T05:25:51Z")
Thought of the corollary just after I hit submit… Agent Scully Mulder, if you try and tell me the chicken crossed the road because of some shadowy government conspiracy… ---
**Author:** ![Big\_Kahuna\_Burger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Big\_Kahuna\_Burger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Kahuna_Burger)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/4 "2002-07-29T05:31:03Z")
Al Gore I invented the road Bill Clinton That depends on what your definition of “did” is George W. Bush It was all strategery Ralph Nader To free itself from the clutches of the corporate-state and the two-party system. Only by crossing the road, and throwing its vote away, did it affect any real change. Jerry Falwell It was a goddamn homo that’s gonna be in hell soon anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2002, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/5 "2002-07-29T05:51:23Z")
Ronald Reagan To reach the shining city on the hill. (That’s better) ---
**Author:** ![MisterThyristor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecccb3/32.png) [@MisterThyristor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MisterThyristor)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/6 "2002-07-30T03:33:06Z")
Third-grader To lay it on the line ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/7 "2002-07-30T03:59:44Z")
Colonel Saunders I missed one? ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/8 "2002-07-30T04:40:13Z")
Kurt Vonnegut And so it goes – to the other side. Bob Dole Bob Dole says “To get to the other side.” Bill Gates We own the road. We own the chicken. It’s none of your damn business. Omar Khayam The moving chicken fingers write, and having writ, move on. [The X-Files and the Chicken](http://www.nku.edu/~diesmanj/xfchick.html) ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/9 "2002-07-30T08:09:50Z")
Rik Mayall: To avoid the chicken shagger ---
**Author:** ![ShadowWarrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7993a0/32.png) [@ShadowWarrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShadowWarrior)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/10 "2002-07-30T09:41:52Z")
[http://rocinante.colorado.edu/~wilms/recreation/chicken.html](http://rocinante.colorado.edu/~wilms/recreation/chicken.html) lots here, including: > [@](#): > > J.R.R. Tolkien: > The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow-white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of the surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name. And then it crossed it. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2002, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/11 "2002-07-31T00:05:11Z")
Erwin Schoedinger: The act of observing the other side affected it and made it cross. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2002, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/12 "2002-07-31T12:56:58Z")
SDBMer A Chciken crossed the road? Cite? ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2002, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/13 "2002-07-31T12:59:30Z")
Pardon…Should be… SDMBer: ‘A Chicken crossed the road? Cite?’ ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2002, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/14 "2002-07-31T13:08:59Z")
Archie Bunker - Edith Bunker: "Oh…ARCHIE! Mike came home and he was so upset because in one of his philosophy classes a professor asked him, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Archie: Well,‘cause there Edith, I’ll tell you why. The chicken saw that colored were moving into his neighborhood, so he crossed the road to get the hell out. Even a chicken is smarter than a meat head Pollock and knows to get the hell out when the minorarities move in. Now stifle yourself and get me a beer’ ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/15 "2002-08-01T12:14:37Z")
Patrick from Sponge Bob Square Pants: What’s a road? uh… What’s a chicken? ---
**Author:** ![DaToad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@DaToad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaToad)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2002, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-missing-any-of-the-chicken-jokes/121326/16 "2002-08-01T19:58:41Z")
Dr. (Bones) McCoy: Damn it Jim, I’m a doctor, not an ornithologist… Proverbs 13:19 The desire that is accomplished, delighteth the soul; fools hate them that flee from evil things.