# Am I not welcome here? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 29, 2015, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149 "2015-05-29T21:50:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/201 "2015-05-30T23:24:44Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > Read my first post; I said essentially what you recommend. I did add that he should consider the source, not because I have a grudge against anyone, but because **tapu** hurled the same insult at the op as she did at me. He IS in good company. Awesome company, actually. > > Then she wanted to call me delusional, so I said it right back. Then she wanted to scream for the mods, or anyone else, to save her. So I redirected her advice for crybabies right back at her. She, and this entire thread, can stop engaging me at any time. Reported: hijacking ---
**Author:** ![Truman\_Burbank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@Truman\_Burbank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truman_Burbank)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/202 "2015-05-30T23:28:29Z")
If I ever get pitted, I formally and irrevocably request that **Grotonian** not support me in any way. ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/203 "2015-05-30T23:38:50Z")
> [@Truman\_Burbank](#): > > If I ever get pitted, I formally and irrevocably request that **Grotonian** not support me in any way. Don’t worry, dude; I got yer back. I’ll be right in here saving your ass. ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/204 "2015-05-30T23:42:35Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > Reported: hijacking Reported: Douchebaggery ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/205 "2015-05-30T23:56:00Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > Read my first post; I said essentially what you recommend. I did add that he should consider the source, not because I have a grudge against anyone, but because **tapu** hurled the same insult at the op as she did at me. He IS in good company. Awesome company, actually. > > Then she wanted to call me delusional, so I said it right back. Then she wanted to scream for the mods, or anyone else, to save her. So I redirected her advice for crybabies right back at her. She, and this entire thread, can stop engaging me at any time. Here is tapu’s first post: > [@tapu](#): > > Protoboard, everything you have written here sounds like a therapy issue to me. You may find private counseling, perhaps followed by group counseling, to be much more beneficial than trying to sort out your personality issues on a discussion board. Best of luck to you with it. Sincerely, tapu Not bitchy or snarky or crazy. She sounds like she is sincerely offering suggestions to a guy who perpetually posts about how horrible his life is. Here is YOUR first post: > [@Grotonian](#): > > Dude, quit the forum when you tire of it, not when assholes are rude to you. I can assure you most posters do not “hate your guts,” they don’t have the time or the inclination. > > And as with anything, CONSIDER THE SOURCE! For example, if a crazy lesbian tells you that you need therapy, as has happened in this thread, (I don’t want to use her screen name but her initials are **tapu** ), consider yourself in good company because last week it was I whom she diagnosed with mental illness. Yet in the SAME thread she needed very vocal and public help to install new programs on her computer to HIDE HER OWN THREAD from HERSELF because going back to it caused her SUCH PAIN but she still COULDN’T STOP HERSELF. Absolutely batshit crazy. > > But that’s what you get on a message board. Also, be aware that WE CAN ALL READ, not just those who respond. If you use a hyperbolic simile, such as “like how Jews worship Israel,” and a couple bomb-throwers start screaming “ANTI-SEMITE!”, rest assured that the vast majority of readers on these boards understand that you didn’t write anything hateful. Jews support Israel, Jews love Israel, Jews do NOT worship Israel, but all educated people knew what you meant, and it wasn’t “anti-Semitic.” But it was still an ill-advised simile, so few people were going to jump in to defend it–that doesn’t mean everyone hates you for being a Jew-hater. That means two people expressed their recreational outrage and scores more couldn’t care less. > > Ignore the people calling you names and telling you to get therapy; the Silent Majority supports you. Essentially, not everyone hates you, they don’t have the “time or inclination.” Way to be encouraging there, guy. Then you go off on an anti-tapu rant. Nice. Then some bullshit about how it’s OK to say Jews worship Israel (hint: it’s really not) and don’t bother getting therapy, just keep doing what you’re doing. The “silent majority” totally supports you dude. It certainly looks like you entered this thread to take potshots at tapu-- why? Because she suggested someone who appears to be deeply unhappy should get counseling? THAT BITCH! ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/206 "2015-05-31T00:02:51Z")
**Grotonian** , huh? Let’s see, it’s what, May 30th? Join date last November. Excuse me for a sec, I gotta calculate some derivatives. Okay, I’m back. I put a double sawbuck on July 23rd, this year. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/207 "2015-05-31T00:04:31Z")
Some lack the self-examination gene. As an example, but certainly not the only one exhibiting here, **protoboard**. I won’t name others as this thread is not about them, but they [don’t] know who they are. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/208 "2015-05-31T00:10:31Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Some lack the self-examination gene. As an example, but certainly not the only one exhibiting here, **protoboard**. I won’t name others as this thread is not about them, but they [don’t] know who they are. Aw crap, it’s me, isn’t it? I KNOW it’s me. 😃 It’s _not_ me,is it? Right? ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/209 "2015-05-31T00:24:45Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > … > > And as with anything, CONSIDER THE SOURCE! For example, if a crazy lesbian tells you that you need therapy, as has happened in this thread, (I don’t want to use her screen name but her initials are **tapu** ), > > … That’s totally out of line and inappropriate even in the pit. I don’t know if it’s a rule violation or not, but it’s certainly a violation of common decency and human respect. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/210 "2015-05-31T00:35:16Z")
FWIW, I don’t consider ‘crazy lesbian’ to be an insult, I’d consider it a solid reference for someone to hang out with. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/211 "2015-05-31T00:42:49Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > I would like for the mods to monitor the use of quotation marks in Grotonian’s posts, indicating that his remarks about me are verbatim words of my own. They are not, and they vastly misrepresent me. > > Actually, I would like for any word from the mods so I understand what I can or can’t expect or object to. I’ve reported posts, and asked questions. Albeit, just today, so I apologize to the mods if I’m expecting to hear anything too soon. > [@raventhief](#): > > Aw crap, it’s me, isn’t it? I KNOW it’s me. 😃 > > It’s _not_ me,is it? > > Right? Well, **raventhief** , I don’t want to say exactly, but if you don’t know for sure that it’s not you, well… **Darth Panda** – too cute. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/212 "2015-05-31T00:51:44Z")
I think I misquoted myself above. Christ. I trust all who matter know what I meant. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/213 "2015-05-31T01:03:40Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Well, **raventhief** , I don’t want to say exactly, but if you don’t know for sure that it’s not you, well… I KNEW IT! None of you dopers like me at all, do you?! You’re all so…unfriendly! _sobs and runs away_ ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/214 "2015-05-31T01:05:56Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > I KNEW IT! None of you dopers like me at all, do you?! You’re all so…unfriendly! > > _sobs and runs away_ Eh, shut up and start your own thread. ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/215 "2015-05-31T01:45:26Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > Here is tapu’s first post: > > Not bitchy or snarky or crazy. She sounds like she is sincerely offering suggestions to a guy who perpetually posts about how horrible his life is. > > Here is YOUR first post: > > Essentially, not everyone hates you, they don’t have the “time or inclination.” Way to be encouraging there, guy. Then you go off on an anti-tapu rant. Nice. Then some bullshit about how it’s OK to say Jews worship Israel (hint: it’s really not) and don’t bother getting therapy, just keep doing what you’re doing. The “silent majority” totally supports you dude. > > It certainly looks like you entered this thread to take potshots at tapu-- why? Because she suggested someone who appears to be deeply unhappy should get counseling? THAT BITCH! Omigod!!! I insulted someone in the Pit???!!! The one forum where insults are expressly allowed???!!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!! ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/216 "2015-05-31T02:23:53Z")
> [@Grotonian](#): > > Read my first post; I said essentially what you recommend. I did add that he should consider the source, \*\*not because I have a grudge against anyone, \*\*but because **tapu** hurled the **same insult** at the op as she did at me. He IS in good company. Awesome company, actually. (snipped and emphasis added) I totally don’t have a grudge against that terrible person I specifically jumped into this thread to slam! She told the guy to get counseling! After that terrible insult, I had to defend him! In my first post, I did what you said! I encouraged him! I told him most people don’t hate him, they don’t even care! ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/217 "2015-05-31T02:24:35Z")
> [@Ed Zotti](#): > > No hate speech > > If you say hateful and/or racist things, you may get warned or banned. Some slurs are likely to be viewed as hate speech when used as insults, some aren’t. No, we aren’t going to give you a list. Our goal is not to restrict any and all speech which could be viewed by someone as offensive, but simply keep a modicum of decency, even here. FYI ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/218 "2015-05-31T03:05:13Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > FYI Good God, man, buy a clue. Neither “crazy” nor “lesbian” is a slur. Nor are they “hateful.” Now stop being such a crazy heterosexual. ---
**Author:** ![Grotonian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c2a13f/32.png) [@Grotonian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grotonian)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/219 "2015-05-31T03:50:29Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > (snipped and emphasis added) > > I totally don’t have a grudge against that terrible person I specifically jumped into this thread to slam! > > She told the guy to get counseling! After that terrible insult, I had to defend him! > > In my first post, I did what you said! I encouraged him! I told him most people don’t hate him, they don’t even care! If you want to argue whether I have a “grudge” against **tapu** or whether I just think she’s an insulting bitch, I really don’t care. I think a grudge suggests on-going resentment or animus, and I don’t care enough about her to hold a grudge. But if you think disliking someone = “holding a grudge,” fine. If she wants to insult people, she should do it. But her ridiculous screaming for the mods when she gets insulted back is indicative of her sense of entitlement and victimhood. Not to mention her DELUSIONS (we can agree she doesn’t mind that insult, right?, since she used it herself in this thread). If you don’t think her repeatedly telling posters to get counseling is insulting, good for you. I do find it insulting, and I think I made that clear. If you think my advice to the op was not supportive enough, feel free to tell him how much you love him. I do not love him. I don’t even know him. But I felt that reminding him that not everyone who reads these boards responds in them was a supportive statement to a guy who seemed to be taking negative feedback quite personally. I don’t think he needs counseling, but I think **tapu** does need to shut her big fat trap. And since we’re in The Pit, I said so. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2015, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/220 "2015-05-31T04:27:02Z")
So telling someone that counseling might be helpful is insulting? So needing psychological help is a bad thing? Dude, what a wrongheaded point of view. I mean, seriously, maybe you need, you know, help? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149.md?page=12)