# Am I not welcome here? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 29, 2015, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149 "2015-05-29T21:50:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/81 "2015-05-30T02:28:29Z")
> [@andros](#): > > If he throws down enough bills he will be. It’s a lot like life. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/82 "2015-05-30T03:17:49Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > I don’t know why you would say that. I’ve always enjoyed your posts, your sense of humour, and your positive contributions to the SDMB. When I see that you’ve posted, I want to read it to see what you’ve said. DNFTT, pal. All he wants is your affirmation. 😃 Now if you want to shower with love somebody who has only contributed unfunny, mildly snarky comments for the past fifteen years . . . ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/83 "2015-05-30T03:35:51Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > I don’t know why you would say that. I’ve always enjoyed your posts, your sense of humour, and your positive contributions to the SDMB. When I see that you’ve posted, I want to read it to see what you’ve said. I like Sun jesters posts. I used to like Superhals’s posts too . . … but we don’t need to talk about that. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/84 "2015-05-30T03:43:25Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > Okay, I’ll just smile while people treat me badly for no reason at all and learn to enjoy it. :rolleyes: Passive-aggressive isn’t an improvement. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/85 "2015-05-30T03:53:41Z")
If you’re here to find people that like you, you are on the wrong forum. I’m not saying that you won’t make friends, but it’s not the reason people are here. No one is going to overlook the stupid things you say or try to make this a comfortable place to be. There are assholes a plenty here, people who admit they don’t like people in general. And people who can only handle life because they can belittle others. If you’re looking for people to be all friendly and nice to you, you’re never going to feel welcome here. ---
**Author:** ![protoboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@protoboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/protoboard)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/86 "2015-05-30T03:57:46Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > If you’re here to find people that like you, you are on the wrong forum. I’m not saying that you won’t make friends, but it’s not the reason people are here. No one is going to overlook the stupid things you say or try to make this a comfortable place to be. There are assholes a plenty here, people who admit they don’t like people in general. And people who can only handle life because they can belittle others. > > If you’re looking for people to be all friendly and nice to you, you’re never going to feel welcome here. Good point. I just wish people could be rational without being dicks. I actually expected a lot more rationality out of this place. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/87 "2015-05-30T04:04:20Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > Even someone like Bill Cosby, who is a serial rapist is more accepted here than a kind hearted homeless person because Americans love a “winner” and hate a “loser”. And they hate nothing more than a **sore** loser. Seriously?! This is exactly the type of idiotic, dipshit thing you’ve been saying that gets people pissed off. I thought you were a little whiny about your living situation before, but otherwise I didn’t have an opinion. Now I think you’re, at best, a lack wit who should be separated from all electronic devices when he drinks. At worst, you’re a misogynistic rascist, who fills his spare time by searching for sympathy on the Internet. Please do go away. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/88 "2015-05-30T04:13:07Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > I just wish people could be rational without being dicks. You might as well complain that you wish wrestlers or kickboxers could be strong and athletic without fighting each other. As a matter of fact, they can. But the sport they happen to specialize in involves **both** being strong and athletic **and** physically fighting other people. If you don’t like that, fine; you don’t have to participate. Similarly, the style of play here at the Dope (especially in the Pit forum) involves **both** being rational **and** frequently being something of a dick to other people. If you’re strong and skilled enough, that’s just part of the fun. And few people here take it personally, just as wrestlers and kickboxers don’t take it personally when an opponent gives them a bruise. > [@protoboard](#): > > I actually expected a lot more rationality out of this place. Well, once you toughen up a bit and quit crying over your bruises (if you decide to stick around, that is), you’ll probably notice the rationality more. ---
**Author:** ![Measure\_for\_Measure](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/measure_for_measure/32/557_2.png) [@Measure\_for\_Measure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Measure_for_Measure)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/89 "2015-05-30T04:40:42Z")
protoboard has started 133 threads since he joined here 14 months ago (a little under 10 per month). The older ones were IMHO heavy, though he has since branched out. Here are the latest 12: Am I not welcome here? Are Europeans really unfriendlier than Americans? (Multi-page thread 1 2) Do libertarians have classicidal ideations? (Multi-page thread 1 2 3 4) Don’t Move to Portland: A Rant (Multi-page thread 1 2) Is Spirit of Eden by Talk Talk the greatest album ever made? Why do Asian-Americans name their daughters these names? (Multi-page thread 1 2) Is Office Space set in the 80s? Why are Americans so hostile towards people who complain? (Multi-page thread 1 2) Who will replace the GOP when they go out of style? Why do women/moms pinch kids’ cheeks? Is Owl City objectively good music? When do you think the 20th century really ended? Some of the questions could have been better, though nice job with the pinching cheeks thread: it was a good question. Some of the topics are loaded with implicit and unreasonable assumptions. The twin missions of this message board are to fight ignorance and make wisecracks. Nobody should feel compelled to do both, though skill in one or the other is nice. And there’s always room to improve one’s game. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/90 "2015-05-30T04:54:33Z")
Until today, I recognized your poster name, but that’s about it. So I haven’t had a negative opinion of you. I’d like to point something out because I think it might be helpful. Some of the tension may be related to communication difficulties; what you intend to say isn’t necessarily what actually comes across. Here: > [@protoboard](#): > > I said ONE stupid thing. I apologized. I’m sorry. I absolutely believe you mean the apology you just wrote and your earlier post was intended _as_ an apology. However, it isn’t what you actually posted: > [@protoboard](#): > > Okay that statement about Jews was pretty uncalled for. I must have been drunk or something. I don’t have an anti-Semitic bone in my body … You _do_ say that the statement was uncalled for. That’s good. But you _do_ see that you didn’t actually apologize in this post, right? I’m gonna point out specific things that rubbed people the wrong way, ok? [ul] [li]As mentioned, there isn’t an explicit apology (“I apologize” or “I’m sorry”).[/li] [li]You inserted a hedge word in your admission that softens it to sound less harsh. _“…that statement about Jews was **pretty** uncalled for.”_ Why not just say, “that statement … was uncalled for.”?[/li] [li]The next sentence tries to excuse what you did by shifting blame away from you to alcohol. Even if you _were_ drunk, alcohol lowers inhibitions; it doesn’t force you to do or say things that “aren’t you”.[/li] [li]You try to distance yourself further by saying you don’t have an anti-Semitic bone in your body. We all live in a racist society and it influences everyone, even those who truly hate racism. This sentence bothered me the most, **protoboard**. No one (well, very few ;)) people want to be racist or be seen as racist. But _you just admitted you said something “uncalled for”_ – reflexively protesting that you aren’t anti-Semitic is knee-jerk defensiveness. You didn’t intend to say something racist/anti-Semitic \*but that doesn’t magically make what you said NOT racist/anti-Semitic \*. It excuses you from examining your own behavior and reflecting upon it. That is NOT cool. At all.[/li][/ul] Even unintentionally, those make your post look not apologetic at all. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/91 "2015-05-30T06:35:24Z")
Thanks a lot, **protoboard.** Rain on my parade, why don’t you? I was _just_ going to post a similar thread, full of self-pity, excuses, generalizing and passive-aggressive moaning. I was going to call it, “Why Doesn’t Anybody Like Me?!” Now I’ll just have to have my pity-party all alone. As usual. ---
**Author:** ![Chauve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5daacb/32.png) [@Chauve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chauve)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/92 "2015-05-30T06:45:50Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > So a bully is above a whiner in your opinion? I think it’s worse to be cruel than to merely be annoying. If I have been annoying, I’m sorry. In this thread you’re trying to shame the membership. You admit to a minor fault in order to point your finger at others and accuse them of a greater fault. You say: “I may be a whiner, but you all are bullies!” Or you say: “Okay, so I’ve made a few mistakes, but that shouldn’t give you all the right to be so mean!” And so on. But shaming these guys isn’t going to work. They know who they are and what they’re doing here. They’re not ashamed of what they’re posting. So instead of trying to shame others, figure out what _you yourself_ want from this place and decide whether or not you’re getting it. And then stay or leave accordingly. Don’t make your staying or leaving dependent on whether you can get a reaction from others. Because you’re not going to get the reaction you want. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/93 "2015-05-30T07:15:04Z")
I dunno; he _might_… ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/94 "2015-05-30T10:51:09Z")
Good grief, it’s a message board. If you aren’t getting enjoyment out of reading and/or posting, delete your bookmark and go look through the humpty-billion other boards out there for one more to your liking. This is a tough crowd, they call bullshit as **they** see it. If you want to call bullshit on them, have at, that’s what this place is. You can find fluffy bunnies sitting in sunshine under rainbows here, but it’s rarer and generally hidden under a fog of sarcasm. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/95 "2015-05-30T11:17:17Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > I said ONE stupid thing. I apologized. I’m sorry. Nah. That doesn’t really wash. One “stupid thing”, that thing being an anti-Semitic comment, isn’t a “go to” remark when drunk or drugged unless it’s something you’ve said before, or at least actually believe. You’ve merely _posted_ it here _once_. ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/96 "2015-05-30T11:51:19Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > Nah. That doesn’t really wash. One “stupid thing”, that thing being an anti-Semitic comment, isn’t a “go to” remark when drunk or drugged unless it’s something you’ve said before, or at least actually believe. You’ve merely _posted_ it here _once_. Does taking the piss out of Tottenham Hotspur count as anti-Semitic? There’s a few Gooners on here (You Know Who You Are…) that would fit the bill… ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/97 "2015-05-30T12:01:50Z")
Have you considered the possibility that you suffer from depression, protoboard? Really. Really, really, really. Get some sort of psychological counseling to find what the problem is. If you truly want to not be so unhappy all the time, it’s something you ought to consider. I’m not saying this to be nasty to you. I’m trying to help you. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/98 "2015-05-30T12:31:55Z")
> [@protoboard](#): > > Good point. Even the atheists here – hell, maybe ESPECIALLY the atheists, have a very Calvinistic and hardass attitude in this country. In America the only path towards acceptance and forgiveness of your faults is success. Even someone like Bill Cosby, who is a serial rapist is more accepted here than a kind hearted homeless person because Americans love a “winner” and hate a “loser”. And they hate nothing more than a **sore** loser. First of all, Bill Cosby can go fuck himself. Second, you claim that you want acceptance? In the last pit thread, people told you that your bringing up Portland in every fucking thread is annoying as hell. So then you bring it up in this thread in your second fucking post and never shut the fuck up about it. You claim you want people to like you, they tell what they don’t like about you, and then you keep fucking doing it. And the, when people remind you that they think you’re an ass, you bring up Calvinism and Bill Cosby? What the Holy Fuck? eta: I’ve never been to Portland and don’t personally give two shits about it. ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/99 "2015-05-30T12:40:22Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > “I’ve never been to Portland and don’t personally give two shits about it”. Possibly the greatest title of a Country & Western song that hasn’t been written yet… ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2015, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149/100 "2015-05-30T12:49:19Z")
Look at the bright side. Over time there will be less and less harshness as more and more people decide to ignore you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-not-welcome-here/721149.md?page=6)