# Am I nuts to give kids responsibility? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 9, 2010, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112 "2010-07-09T17:18:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/61 "2010-07-12T17:47:27Z")
For checklists in the past I did pictures for this age. A picture of a swim suit, a towel, a hat and a water bottle. My drawing is crude but the kids get the idea and they can check off to make sure they have everything. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/62 "2010-07-12T17:54:51Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > For checklists in the past I did pictures for this age. A picture of a swim suit, a towel, a hat and a water bottle. My drawing is crude but the kids get the idea and they can check off to make sure they have everything. My daughter’s school has four weeks of skiing lessons every winter, and this is what they do. We get a nice checklist with color pictures of each item as well as words, so that even the kindergartners have no problem with using it. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/63 "2010-07-12T19:13:45Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Recognize it? I’m publishing a peer-reviewed journal article on it next month! It’ll be the August 2010 issue of _Scientific Sounding Crap I Made Up_, if anyone is interested. Pffft. My 5-year-old has already had that article published. The best way I can get my kids (5 and 7) to carry some responsibility right now is to show how we, as a team, are all responsible to ourselves and one another for getting out of the house on time and with everything. I don’t have the time or the desire to do it all myself, and I don’t have the time or the desire to “make” them do it. But we do try to work together as much as possible, and we have a cheesy team cheer we sometimes do. ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/64 "2010-07-12T20:13:19Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > My son at six, yep. My daughter at six (only a year behind him), nope. > > He remembered 49 times out of 50, and if he forgot, took the consequences. He’d have sat by the side of the pool and waited patiently. > > She forgot as often as she didn’t, and made life difficult for others - that isn’t fair to the camp counselors or other kids. > > She is now ten and no problem…she does her own packing for camp (sleep away camp for a week), any overnights, vacations. Yes, I agree with this. My son is the same age as OP’s and he is borderline about this kind of stuff. I expect him to help with things like packing but I do a final check. It partly depends on how much he has to pack and whether it is a routine or not (so he can pack his daily backpack to school with homework folder and lunch, but if it is a trip with different items or he needs something out of the ordinary, I do it or at least remind him about different than usual items he needs.) Camp I would check because it takes him a while to learn a routine. But the woman who talked to you that way was an idiot. You know your child and what he is capable of, she does not. I would not automatically think someone who packed for their 6 year old is an enabler, likewise, I would also not think someone who expects their child to do it is a bad parent, I would just assume they know their own kids’ needs and abilities. However, her comments to you revealed that she has not given any thought to the fact that kids should be given responsibilities according to their abilities. Who knows, maybe her kid just isn’t even close to being capable of doing that and she just couldn’t conceive that yours was. That seems to happen with first time parents a lot. More experienced parents with older/multiple children are usually more aware that kids develop differently. But she was definitely Judgy McJudgerson for no reason. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/65 "2010-07-12T20:25:55Z")
Fang (Age 7) is responsible for his swim gear and water bottle, and getting his bag packed. I make his lunch, because I’m already making my lunch, and I can reach the bread. I do make him do a bag check before we get in the car. Checking after yourself is just a good habit to get into. ---
**Author:** ![Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/278dde/32.png) [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/66 "2010-07-14T18:08:13Z")
> [@The\_Hamster\_King](#): > > It depends on how old the kids are and how great the consequences will be. > > For example, yesterday when we arrived at camp my almost-thirteen-year-old son realized he’d forgotten to pack his sweater. It’s been cloudy here in L.A. so that meant he’d spend all day being chilly. My response: “Well, try to remember it tomorrow.” > > On the other hand, last year my ten-year-old daughter forgot the costume she was supposed to wear for a special presentation at school. So I went back home and got it for her. Not only is she younger (and therefore less responsible) but I also didn’t think it was a good idea to use a one-time thing that she’d really been looking forward to as a teachable moment. Exactly! 100% rigidity is uncalled for. _I_ forget stuff sometimes and have to be bailed out. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/67 "2010-07-14T18:37:56Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > Just to clarify, I don’t think other mom is nuts for packing her kid’s bag - I in fact usually pack my own 6-year-old daughter’s bag. But she is nuts for thinking that forgetting his bathing suit is proof that your whole parenting method is a failure and that you will scrap it immediately. oh yes i agree. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/68 "2010-07-14T20:16:06Z")
But since I posted the OP last week, he hasn’t forgotten his swim suit again. He’s a good kid. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/69 "2010-07-14T20:21:40Z")
Sounds like you’re a pretty good mom, as well. Is Helicopter Mom, still not speaking to you? ---
**Author:** ![boozilu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@boozilu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boozilu)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/70 "2010-07-14T21:00:00Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > You cruel person. What do you mean, until they graduate from college? A parent should go with their kids to job interviews, and be camped out the door on their honeymoon nights, just in case the kids need support. > 😃 > > In 15 years LP will be on his own, with a good job, and the kids of the other moms will be calling every ten minutes asking for help. I recently read that parents are going to interviews, calling employers when their darlings don’t get promoted, and phoning professors over their kids’ grades. I’m pretty sure my mom had no idea who my professors were and no clue as to how to contact my boss. Good for you. Disclosure - boozikids are 4-1/2 and 7-1/2 ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/71 "2010-07-14T21:35:32Z")
I seem to recall in error. A quick math check says I was 6 in first grade, 5 in kindergarden. Meh. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2010, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/72 "2010-07-15T12:06:30Z")
> [@boozilu](#): > > I recently read that parents are going to interviews, calling employers when their darlings don’t get promoted, and phoning professors over their kids’ grades. I can vouch for this. I was doing some hiring several years ago. I received a call from a rejected applicant’s mother demanding I tell her why I did not hire her precious snowflake. I forget exactly what I said, but I emphasized that I was confident the person I had hire would not have told on me to his mommy. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2010, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/73 "2010-07-15T12:40:58Z")
The OP is correct, the other mother wrong. I used to coach kid’s cricket and the way I ran my team was that, when a game started, the kids were in charge. The captain for the day made all the decisions and if he/she didn’t ask for advice I didn’t give any although I would sometimes comment on things that I thought odd. Without exception the other team was coached by some adult who spent the whole game directing the kids and making all the decisions. My teams learned to think for themselves, to communicate together, to plan, to overcome problems. The other teams learned how to take orders. ---
**Author:** ![PandaMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@PandaMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaMom)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2010, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/74 "2010-07-15T12:45:42Z")
My sister-in-law has done that exactly. She called the grocery store manager to explain to him that her precious snowflake had answered a question wrong, and it was a vague question, and her PS (precious snowflake) misconstrued the question. She ended up going on and on enough that the manager was badgered into letting the PS take the test again. Oh, and he got the job. SURPRISED? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2010, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/75 "2010-07-15T13:36:34Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Many years from now, your son will be in intensive therapy for the mental trauma you inflicted upon him on this day. > > Or not. My kids are at camp this week. They were responsible for packing their own bags. They are 10 and 12. My job was to inspect. (My daughter, the 10 year old, did a bang up job and is a future Navy Seal, I swear to FSM, in her economy of STUFF and Planning. Her brother had 3 sweatpants, flannel pjs, two hoodies, one pair of socks and 10 tshirts.) The only thing missing out of each of their bags were rain coats. I asked and both decided they didn’t need it. ( It always rains at camp. It’s a given.) After punting them off at camp, within 45 minutes, it was a deluge of water from the skies. I look forward to the coming weeks of " You forgot to pack our raincoats" whine and it has lead me to consider a check list which they sign of on, thus giving me a Peace of Mind and them FULL ACCOUNTABILITY. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/76 "2010-07-15T15:56:35Z")
> [@PandaMom](#): > > Oh, and he got the job. SURPRISED? I am, actually, because a smart manager would realize she’s going to call over every paycheck line item/amount query, every raise/lack thereof, every scheduling issue. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2010, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/77 "2010-07-15T17:14:31Z")
At that age I check necessities/emergency gear and leave everything else to the kid. Any medications? Me. Swimsuit? Them. First aid kit? Me. Toys? Them. Once they get older I remind them to check the necessities and I still check the emergency gear. Eventually I get them to check emergency gear with me, and then move into reminder mode for the emergency gear. I don’t think it’s ever a bad idea to have multiple checks of your emergency gear, so they’ll probably never get out of that stage whenever they travel with me, but they definitely graduate to responsible for their own necessities. By the time they’re old enough to walk/bike/drive home to get what they forgot, it’s 100% their responsibility and they’re paying for the gas too. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2010, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112/78 "2010-07-15T22:14:19Z")
My husband is a baseball coach for boys aged 15 to 19. He’s noticed a trend that has parents communicating with him, rather than the kids - if a kid can’t make a game or practice, the parents call or email to let him know (the ones that actually let him know, of course). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-nuts-to-give-kids-responsibility/546112.md?page=3)