# Am I over-reacting? (Relationship stuff...) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 11, 2023, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430 "2023-12-11T17:17:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![IDKittyKat967](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@IDKittyKat967](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IDKittyKat967)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/1 "2023-12-11T17:17:13Z")
Hi everyone! I’d just like your thoughts on this scenario. My boyfriend and I went out to a restaurant for dinner, and an attractive waitress (in my opinion) happened to be serving us tonight. Throughout the dinner, he does not say anything. He is sitting in front of me, and I notice him kind of quick glancing at where the waitresses at the cashier station were, so I ask, “are you good?” and he replies yes. He also glances at the TV. Moments later after I finish eating my dinner, he looks at me and says our waitress looks like one of the soccer players he knows (who is male), Googles me the photo of the soccer player and shows it to me. He told me the waitress kind of looks like him in the eyes and nose area. He said that’s who she reminded him of and thought it was funny. I paused because for some reason this did not sit well with me, but I’m not sure why. Maybe I just didn’t want to eat dinner and talk about another woman’s appearance, who was working there. I talked with him when we got home, and he said it was a joke and thought she looked like one of the male soccer players he watches on TV. I thought he said that because he was admiring her in aspect of her eyes and nose that looks like the soccer player’s eyes and nose, because I did not understand how this was a “joke”. It wasn’t humorous in any way. I’m not sure how to feel about this. I’m not sure why he brings her up and the end of the dinner when we could have talked about something else. Regardless, I am still relatively upset and feel like he said it out of admiration. My question is are my feelings valid? ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/2 "2023-12-11T17:24:19Z")
That’s not really a question. What is it you really want to know? Was he checking her out? Probably, yes. Does that mean anything? No it does not. Men look. Get over it. Did he have to lie about it? The way you’re freaking out about it right now, I would venture yes, yes he did. Should he have been paying more attention to you and not the server? Yes. Of course. That about cover it? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/3 "2023-12-11T17:25:29Z")
> [@IDKittyKat967](#): > > I’m not sure why he brings her up and the end of the dinner when we could have talked about something else. Sounds like maybe he was filling the void by throwing out an observation. If you’d rather have been talking about something else, why weren’t you initiating conversation? ---
**Author:** ![IDKittyKat967](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@IDKittyKat967](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IDKittyKat967)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/4 "2023-12-11T17:27:38Z")
Is the way I am feeling valid? It this wrong for him to do? ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/5 "2023-12-11T17:31:45Z")
In what way is it wrong to think someone resembles someone else? You are going to see other people’s faces in your daily life and seeing them may trigger a memory of someone else. What a bizarre thing for you to get upset about. “That woman’s eyes remind me of a male soccer player” = him checking her out sexually? WTF? You sound like you have a lot of insecurities you need to get over. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/6 "2023-12-11T17:35:47Z")
> [@IDKittyKat967](#): > > Is the way I am feeling valid? It this wrong for him to do? Jealousy is a valid emotion if that’s what you’re asking. That said, I don’t see that **he** did anything wrong. You freaking out about it is certainly not improving the situation, I’ll tell you that much. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/7 "2023-12-11T17:36:44Z")
> [@IDKittyKat967](#): > > It this wrong for him to do? If after paying the check he asked her for her phone number, then yes. But all he did was point out her resemblance to a a male soccer player? No, sounds like you’re the one with a problem here. ---
**Author:** ![IDKittyKat967](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@IDKittyKat967](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IDKittyKat967)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/8 "2023-12-11T17:39:46Z")
Was it possible he was checking her out and said her face features resembles a soccer player? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/9 "2023-12-11T17:41:32Z")
You’re jealous. That’s all this is. It’s a feeling. We all get it occasionally. Not a hill to die on. Forgive and forget. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/10 "2023-12-11T17:41:41Z")
Again, **men look. Get over it.** He still went home with you. He didn’t ask for her number or write her a note on the receipt, or I’m certain that would have been part of the story. What you should be doing is asking yourself why this bothers you so much. ETA: Oh, and BTW welcome to the board. We’re not trying to be dicks, but we tend to be matter-of-fact around here. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/11 "2023-12-11T17:43:20Z")
Well, this wasn’t what I was expecting. I thought you were going to be mad about him looking at a pretty woman, period, but instead you’re…confused about his comparing her to a male soccer player? Either way, I think it’s fairly harmless. ---
**Author:** ![IDKittyKat967](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@IDKittyKat967](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IDKittyKat967)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/12 "2023-12-11T17:44:08Z")
I mean…if I pointed out an attractive male waiter’s eyes and nose to him and how it resembles a sports player’s features, it sounds good doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/13 "2023-12-11T17:45:53Z")
Exactly what he did. Do you have a history of freaking out if he looks at other women? Babe, when he quits looking is when you’ll have a real problem. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/14 "2023-12-11T17:45:58Z")
I’m really confused by what the soccer player has to do with anything. You’re going to have to live in a world where your guy encounters people who are more attractive than you. We ALL live in that world. In your ideal scenario, does he, 1. somehow not notice that the watiress is attractive? 2. notice, but hide it from you? 3. notice, and tell you, but just straight up, without the elaborate (and weird) pretext of “oh, I was scanning her face for resemblance to soccer players I have known”? ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/15 "2023-12-11T17:46:11Z")
Seems to me like he was utterly distracted by this person he saw in public who sort of looks like someone he knows, and it took all of his concentration to think of who it was. Then when he figured it out he was utterly bemused by the fact that a woman reminded him so much of a man. Then he was probably distracted by trying to figure out if he could snap a picture of her to post on social media. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/16 "2023-12-11T17:46:21Z")
A person can resemble an attractive celebrity and a person can observe that they resemble that person and it will usually mean absolutely nothing at least 99% of the time. You are making a mountain out of the smallest anthill to ever be raised. ---
**Author:** ![IDKittyKat967](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@IDKittyKat967](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IDKittyKat967)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/17 "2023-12-11T17:54:27Z")
The soccer player and this waitress resemble in the face. But I’m not sure why he had to tell this to me, especially because she is attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/18 "2023-12-11T17:55:28Z")
Question: what brought you to this tiny dying corner of the internet, populated mostly by late middle aged male dorks, to post your Totally True Tale? ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/19 "2023-12-11T17:55:55Z")
> [@IDKittyKat967](#): > > But I’m not sure why he had to tell this to me, especially because she is attractive. Probably because he noticed you being weird about it, like you’re doing right now. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2023, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430/20 "2023-12-11T18:04:10Z")
> [@IDKittyKat967](#): > > The soccer player and this waitress resemble in the face. But I’m not sure why he had to tell this to me, especially because she is attractive. Perhaps because he thought you were jealous because he looked at someone else and he was trying politely to defuse the situation. And/or perhaps it was because he actually thought she actually resembled that other person. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting-relationship-stuff/994430.md?page=2)