# Am I over reacting? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 29, 2007, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936 "2007-03-29T03:22:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936/41 "2007-03-31T09:49:27Z")
[QUOTE=CairoCarol] Just an observation for anyone who is firmly in the “touch my kid and I will be extremely upset” camp and/or any parent with a child who is stressed when well-meaning strangers come too close: under NO circumstances should you travel to exotic locations where your child looks a lot different from what the locals are used to. [/QUOTE] Especially don’t raise your kid there either…it’s a “the whole village raises a kid mentality.” which is definately not a bad thing and can be a very good thing. Like when the Chinese airline stewardess takes your crying toddler 3 hours into a 14 hour flight so you can have a few minutes to chill and use the bathroom. Or what seems like the grandmothers on the entire plane helping out. Versus the 55 year old battleaxe harpy on United or Northwest screaming at you restrain the toddler the entire flight. sheesh. When they were tiny, I’d use the “look but don’t touch please.” Just today at the weekly intro to pre-school for 2-3 year olds, there must have been 10 classmate parents playing with the brown curls of my youngest, which is quite a novelty in china. Back to the OP, I’d use the “please don’t touch” or “my child doesn’t like to be touched by strangers.” And yes, I have pushed peoples hands away if I feel it’s inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936/42 "2007-03-31T16:54:59Z")
I wouldn’t write a letter to the company. The woman was well-intentioned, if a bit out of line. Next time, say something politely but firmly to the person you feel is overstepping their bounds. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936/43 "2007-03-31T18:03:26Z")
[QUOTE=PunditLisa] Yes, I think you’re overreacting. Babies seem to draw the maternal side out in people. And unsolicited advice from strangers. [/QUOTE] But even if this is the case, i don’t think it should extend to touching the baby of a stranger without permission. I don’t have kids, and i don’t want them, and i get very irritated with parents who don’t control their children in public, and who let them wander around unsupervised to the annoyance of others. But, by the same logic, i don’t feel it’s my right to go poking and prodding babies that i have no personal connection to. If someone’s child is crying in a movie or crawling under my feet at a restaurant, the parent will get an earful from me. And i’d expect the same if i treated a stranger’s baby like my own little playtoy. I don’t think the OP should do anything that is likely to get this woman fired. That’s why i’d write a letter to corporate, not mentioning the name of the employee, rather than complaining directly to her manager. But if she tries it again, you just need to tell her, politely but very firmly, to leave your kid the hell alone. ---
**Author:** ![Unregistered\_Bull](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3da27b/32.png) [@Unregistered\_Bull](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unregistered_Bull)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936/44 "2007-03-31T19:31:45Z")
Over reaction camp here too. Besides 45 degrees is too cold for an uncovered head on a 15 month old anyway. ---
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936/45 "2007-03-31T22:55:27Z")
Another overreacting vote. However, if her utilizing her mothering instincts bothers you then just politely tell her that you would rather she not do that. What’s the big deal? Also, would have been interesting to see a poll of the respondents to see how many have, or have raised, kids. Me? we had 3… ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936/46 "2007-03-31T23:47:10Z")
Well, I don’t have any kids, but in a situation like this, where the employee means well and no one is _really_ getting hurt, then I think you should try being civil first. If a firm but polite request doesn’t fix the problem, then maybe its time to talk about embarrassing the clerk, writing corporate, calling the cops, etc. But seriously, just try asking first. I personally have found that even-tempered requests are generally much more effective than making a scene. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2007, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936/47 "2007-04-01T01:27:44Z")
For those of you who don’t see anything wrong with what the receipt checker in the store did, let me ask a question. If you were about to leave a building, and a complete stranger pulled your hood up over your head, and said “It’s very cold out - you need to stay warm,” would you be OK with that? What’s the difference here? When a child is with its parents, the parents are responsible for its wellbeing. Not total strangers. If you’re not OK with a stranger dressing you, why should it be OK for the same stranger to dress your kid when you’re standing right there? BTW, father of 3, currently 2,4,6 years old. And **Unregistered Bull** , 45 degrees is not too cold for a 15 month old for the walk from the door to the car, especially if headgear pisses them off. Hell, once our youngest figured clothes out, she would generally be hatless, mittenless, and sockless about 10 seconds after we finished dressing her. One thing I’ll agree on though - a letter to corporate is overkill. Just tell her next time to keep her hands to herself, and complain to the manager if she won’t comply. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2007, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936/48 "2007-04-01T03:14:34Z")
[QUOTE=muldoonthief] For those of you who don’t see anything wrong with what the receipt checker in the store did, let me ask a question. [/quote] AFAICT, there’s about two people in the whole thread who “don’t see anything wrong with what the receipt checker did.” The rest of us have pretty clearly said, yeah, it’s objectionable, but if you didn’t say anything to her, then yeah, writing a letter to her manager or corporate is an overreaction. > [@](#): > > If you were about to leave a building, and a complete stranger pulled your hood up over your head, and said “It’s very cold out - you need to stay warm,” would you be OK with that? What’s the difference here? There are a couple of differences. The first is that children – especially cute children – attract attention, especially from those with maternal or parental tendencies. It’s the inherent attraction and “squee” factor of babies; you get the same thing if you go out in public with a puppy or kitten. The second is the “it takes a village” mentality; some adults and young adults feel empowered to help out with parenting children, even if they aren’t their own children. As the OP reflects, this is a dangerous attitude to have in Western culture, where oblivious concern can piss of parents who consider taking care of or reprimanding or even touching their own children to be their sole perogative, and not that off strangers. > [@](#): > > When a child is with its parents, the parents are responsible for its wellbeing. Not total strangers. If you’re not OK with a stranger dressing you, why should it be OK for the same stranger to dress your kid when you’re standing right there? It’s not “okay.” But it is understandable as a misguided and well-intentioned impulse. IOW, there’s no need to assume an insult where it’s very likely none was intended, and it’s not necessary to get the girl in trouble with her bosses over something so minor – _especially_ when you haven’t even mentioned it to the offending girl herself. If you’ve told her not to do it and she still does it? Then yeah, you escalate above her head. That’s not the case here. > [@](#): > > One thing I’ll agree on though - a letter to corporate is overkill. Just tell her next time to keep her hands to herself, and complain to the manager if she won’t comply. Then you’re not actually disagreeing with the vast majority of other posters in the thread. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2007, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936/49 "2007-04-01T03:35:03Z")
[QUOTE=Joey P] What would you do? I’m willing to bet that if I write the letter, at the very least, the employee and the store will be notified, I mean what if she does this to some other kid and ends up slamming his head into the cart, or scratches an eye or something. This kind of thing is a lawsuit waiting to happen. [/QUOTE] For this reason, I’d probably call the manager and explain the situation. You’re doing them a favor, decreasing the chance that others will be offended or putting the corporation in a poor position with the potential for liability. If you do it in a matter-of-fact or pleasant kind of tone, with the desire to improve service and help everyone to do the right thing, I don’t see the downside except taking a few minutes of your time. Be sure to ask for the manager’s name before you start speaking. Generally, managers are very good about this kind of thing, but if by chance, you get any poor treatment, be sure to ask for the manager’s manager’s name and how you can reach them. And you can follow-up if you choose. In my mind, it almost doesn’t matter if you’re over-reacting. If it bothers _you_, then you can bring it to the attention of a manager and if they choose to do something about it, it’s their choice. And then if it happens again, they can explain to you why it’s a good policy. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2007, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936/50 "2007-04-01T03:56:47Z")
[QUOTE=muldoonthief] It was a joke. But uninvited physical contact is still uninvited physical contact. What if a total stranger started touching your head. Would you be OK with that? Why should the OP be OK with a stranger touching his child’s head? [/QUOTE] You pose this as if it’s a hypothetical question. For many people, even adults, it’s not, particularly if their hair is unusually curly or red. Many common-senseless people have no qualms whatsoever about touching and pulling at the hair of other adults. I’ve had my hair pawed at by more elderly and middle-aged women (complete strangers!) than I care to recall. Some people have **no** sense of boundries, even when we’re not talking about the magical attraction of babies or pregnant bellies. I don’t think the OP over-reacted, particularly because she made the poor kid cry. Unless it’s an issue of safety, I don’t think people ought to be touching strangers of any age without permission. Maybe especially children, given they’re too young to tell you that they’re not comfortable with it, and they’re often raised to respect all adults, even those who are at the moment actively not respecting _them_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-over-reacting/397936.md?page=2)