# Am I paranoid to refuse to tutor girls in any location that is not publicly visible? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2010, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681 "2010-06-10T17:55:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/21 "2010-06-10T20:01:39Z")
My personal policy: 1. Door must always be open by at least 1 foot or more when meeting with students, male or female. 2. There must be a minimum of 1 foot between me and the student. Bigger if there are no barriers between us (e.g. desk chairs.) 3. For students with very low ability in English, I prefer to have a translator in the room. So, if there is any misunderstanding about what I said or was trying to say, I have a witness. 4. I never sit on the same side of the table as the student. If we need to both be looking at the same paper at the same time, I use the 90 degree angles of the corners of the table. 5. When returning papers, I always return then by walking in the front of the desk. In rooms where the students are sitting dining room table style, I have them pull the desks apart so I can walk down the middle. 6. Always put something between myself and the student. I prefer a desk or table, but in a pinch, I place my backpack between us. As a teacher, reputation is paramount, and rumors can spring up at any time. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/22 "2010-06-10T20:09:19Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Dio, is the bolded section meant as advice or as recitation of your policy? Both. It was written policy, but it’s also serious advice even if it’s not mandated. You never know what people will say, and the best defense is simply to never provide an opportunity for either allegations or speculation. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/23 "2010-06-10T20:11:21Z")
I feel … or felt … your pain. A few years ago I was on a short list of peopel due to be laid-off. I ended up scoring a different position so that didn’t happen, but when I thought I was destined for the unemployment line, I started taking any jobs I could find to cover myself. As it turns out, I weasled my way into a job coaching 7th Grade girl’s soccer. I was paranoid for all the same reasons for the whole season. Like the time my goalie had a great game and I patted her on the back as she came off the pitch … AH! I just touched her! It was an accident, I swear! … Or when we’d get back from an away game and I had to wait with the team for parents to pick them up. When there was only one left waiting, I’d stand 30 feet away and try to hold a conversation, so that when mumsy and dadsy showed up, they could see I wasn’t doing anything untoward to little Muffy. It was hardly worth the stipend. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/24 "2010-06-10T20:27:09Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Both. It was written policy, but it’s also serious advice even if it’s not mandated. You never know what people will say, and the best defense is simply to never provide an opportunity for either allegations or speculation. I ask because you issued no qualification. I’ve got eleventy-jillion underage nieces, nephews, & cousins, after all. Well..one eleven-year-old nephew and a couple of teenage nieces. Too many cousins to count, though. And plenty of friends with young kids who get pony-back rides and movie trips on a regular basis. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/25 "2010-06-10T20:29:30Z")
i voted for both - because you just never know. Thank you for caring enough to ask! ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/26 "2010-06-10T20:35:51Z")
Pick one policy and stick with it regardless of gender. Because, hey, ya never know. I don’t even drive our female (17-year-old, attractive[not that I’ve noticed]) babysitter home. I make my wife do it. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/27 "2010-06-10T20:37:57Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I ask because you issued no qualification. I’ve got eleventy-jillion underage nieces, nephews, & cousins, after all. > > Well..one eleven-year-old nephew and a couple of teenage nieces. Too many cousins to count, though. And plenty of friends with young kids who get pony-back rides and movie trips on a regular basis. I’m talking about in a professional or public situation, not family. Of course, even with family, there’s no guarantees. With friends, even less so. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/28 "2010-06-10T20:39:52Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > Pick one policy and stick with it regardless of gender. Because, hey, ya never know. > > I don’t even drive our female (17-year-old, attractive[not that I’ve noticed]) babysitter home. I make my wife do it. I see no need for any policy,as I am not an institution. I’ve been known to refuse to refuse to tutor someone because I found the kid or the parents annoying. Contrariwise, I can think of at least one case in which the parent came ahead financially by having me tutor the kid, as I not only didn’t charge but ending up buying dinner. (Those were friends, though.) ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/29 "2010-06-10T20:45:33Z")
You should have a consistent policy for your own protection. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/30 "2010-06-10T20:49:53Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You should have a consistent policy for your own protection. Why? I don’t tutor systematically. If I feel even remotely oogy about a potential student, I refuse the gig. And, as I said, I don’t ever tutor girls except in the glass rooms at the library. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/31 "2010-06-10T21:05:33Z")
It’s sad that this conversation is even happening ☹ ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/32 "2010-06-10T21:20:42Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Why? I don’t tutor systematically. If I feel even remotely oogy about a potential student, I refuse the gig. And, as I said, I don’t ever tutor girls except in the glass rooms at the library. Because the point isn’t whether or not you would do anything, but whether people think you would. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/33 "2010-06-10T21:24:36Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Why? I don’t tutor systematically. If I feel even remotely oogy about a potential student, I refuse the gig. And, as I said, I don’t ever tutor girls except in the glass rooms at the library. You might be surprised about what kid could make a false accusation. The boys/girls thing makes no difference at all, by the way. Boys can make accusations too, and they will be just as easily believed. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/34 "2010-06-10T21:27:41Z")
Look at it this way. Let’s say there’s only a 1% chance that a kid will make an accusation. You can still turn that into a 0% chance without losing anything. Why take any chance at all if you don’t have to? What is to gain by even taking a small chance. One false accusation can ruin a reputation. Why risk it? ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/35 "2010-06-10T21:31:14Z")
There’s a short story by Sherwood Anderson you might want to read. (“Hands”) You don’t want to end up as a strawberry picker. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/36 "2010-06-10T21:31:16Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Because the point isn’t whether or not you would do anything, but whether people think you would. That might apply if I had, for instance, a web site advertising my services, or anything more systematic. But I don’t. Admittedly I tell the parents of any female student I don’t know well that I insist on the library thing, in the sense that I give no other options when making the appointment. ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/37 "2010-06-10T21:34:07Z")
Not paranoid - following what are nowadays generally accepted guidlines. AYSO (Soccer) with my bolding: > [@](#): > > To maintain the recommended adult to child supervision ratio of 1:8 or less; that is one adult for every eight or fewer children and two adults (one of whom may be the coach and one of whom should be of the same gender as the group) present at all times. For the protection of both the children and the volunteer, \*\*no volunteer should permit himself or herself to be alone with any child or group of children \*\*(except his or her own) during AYSO-sponsored activities. Boy Scouts of America: > [@](#): > > # Two-deep leadership. > > Two registered adult leaders or one registered leader and a parent of a participant, one of whom must be 21 years of age or older, are required on all trips and outings. The chartered organization is responsible for ensuring that sufficient leadership is provided for all activities. > > # No one-on-one contact. > > One-on-one contact between adults and youth members is not permitted. In situations that require personal conferences, such as a Scoutmaster’s conference, the meeting is to be conducted in view of other adults and youths. > > # Respect of privacy. > > Adult leaders must respect the privacy of youth members in situations such as changing clothes and taking showers at camp, and intrude only to the extent that health and safety require. Adults must protect their own privacy in similar situations. > > # Separate accommodations. > > When camping, no youth is permitted to sleep in the tent of an adult other than his own parent or guardian. Councils are strongly encouraged to have separate shower and latrine facilities for females. When separate facilities are not available, separate times for male and female use should be scheduled and posted for showers. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/38 "2010-06-10T21:35:23Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > That might apply if I had, for instance, a web site advertising my services, or anything more systematic. But I don’t. Admittedly I tell the parents of any female student I don’t know well that I insist on the library thing, in the sense that I give no other options when making the appointment. I really fail to see how it matters whether it’s a systematic tutoring program or not. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/39 "2010-06-10T21:37:11Z")
Those kinds of policies are commonplace for anyone works or volunteers with kids these days. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681/40 "2010-06-10T21:38:29Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > That might apply if I had, for instance, a web site advertising my services, or anything more systematic. Why do you think this matters as to whether or not you could be criminally accused of something? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-paranoid-to-refuse-to-tutor-girls-in-any-location-that-is-not-publicly-visible/542681.md?page=3)