# Am I responsible for debt my husband had before we got married? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 13, 2008, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351 "2008-01-13T02:39:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Sprockets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@Sprockets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sprockets)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2008, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351/81 "2008-01-15T13:51:21Z")
[QUOTE=Indygrrl] The only reason I bring the parent thing into it is that I don’t want to end up being the one to pay HIS debt. I don’t care who pays it, but it ain’t gonna be me. [/QUOTE] What others have said. It IS going to be you in the eyes of the law. > [@](#): > > Why can’t he find solutions to his own problems? When it comes to finances, I feel more like his mother than his wife. Oh poor you. You’re such a victim. Take charge of your own life and stop wondering why your husband is a creep. > [@](#): > > Why did I open his mail? Because I signed for it and I wanted to know what the hell was going on. Then months after I think its resolved, another letter. Did you two ever trust each other? Did you ever think this marriage was going to work? > [@](#): > > I cancelled two out of three of my classes today so that I can work more and get my savings built back up to take care of this crap. Victim alert again. Go to your classes and let this thing play out the way it’s going to. Please tell us you’ve consulted an attorney and you’re not all about being the drama queen. And don’t say you can’t afford a lawyer. > [@](#): > > I’m not happy about this, but I don’t know what else to do. Yes you do know what to do. You have a brain and you’ve been told about 20 times so far in this thread alone. For some reason you’re getting a lot of mileage out of not taking care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2008, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351/82 "2008-01-15T16:18:37Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] What **St.Germain** said - are you in or out, **Indygrrl**? In means in all the way. If it’s out, then get out sooner rather than later. [/QUOTE] Worth saying again - in or out? If you are in, these are your debts. If you are out, get out as soon as possible. You can decide you are in for now and change your mind later - but the longer you are in, the more of “his debt” you’ll take on. And in for now means taking his history - including his financial history. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2008, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351/83 "2008-01-15T19:45:44Z")
Like others have said, you need to consult a good family law practitioner to see what your rights and liabilities are here. You also need to decide whether you are going to get divorced or whether you are going to stay married. I think that every couple before they get married should sit down and have a frank discussion on finances and how they are going to be prior to getting married. That being said, he is an adult so getting his parents involved isn’t going to do squat. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351/84 "2008-01-16T00:17:01Z")
[QUOTE=Caffeine.addict] \That being said, he is an adult so getting his parents involved isn’t going to do squat. [/QUOTE] I agree with this, and I’d also add that getting the parents involved _shouldn’t_ do squat. I can’t even imagine my husband going to my mom to complain about my financial mismanagement. I can’t imagine her telling him anything except “You and your wife need to work this out together” if he did the unimaginable and went to her. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351/85 "2008-01-16T02:03:17Z")
I don’t have any advice, **Indy** , but I’d be hella pissed, too. Your husband didn’t disclose this to you like he should have a long time ago and so you have every reason to complain about it. It seems like people are acting like just because you’re married to this guy, it’s somehow wrong for you to feel unfairly put upon. Whatever, man. Your feelings are valid. My ex BF had financial baggage and it took _a lot_ for me to accept it, and our finances weren’t even conjoined. We broke up eventually for a different reason, but I ain’t gonna lie: I was relieved that I didn’t have to worry about dealing with his debt, in the present or future. So I know how you must feel. Here’s to hoping you and your husband can work this out without resorting to the nuclear option. ---
**Author:** ![dgrdfd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@dgrdfd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dgrdfd)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351/86 "2008-01-16T02:52:49Z")
How would this be any different than if he had $X sitting in a savings account that he never told her about? When they went to get divorced, wouldn’t that money be included in the total split between them? Why should she be able to divorce out of this debt? If there’s no prenuptial agreement, I thought mine is yours, yours is mine - assets and debts included. (Not trying to derail this, but this answer may change my opinion.) That sucks for you though **Indy**. I would definitely keep the parents out of this. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351/87 "2008-01-16T04:23:48Z")
I’d be furious if my husband had some looming IRS debt that he didn’t tell me about. My husband is, there’s no denying it, a financial nitwit. I love him. He is stupid with money. The good thing is that he knows he’s stupid with money. The bad thing is that apparently knowing it and fixing it are two different things. You both need to consult an attorney, together (unless you are set on divorce). There can’t be any ducking or dodging with this. It’s got to be done, and it affects you as much as him so he can’t claim it’s not your business. And together you can recover. And, honestly, it sounds like he needs to come to my husband’s realization of financial nitwittery and make some changes. People can be good at some things and bad at others and finances are just another of those things. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351/88 "2008-01-16T04:32:06Z")
[QUOTE=dgrdfd] How would this be any different than if he had $X sitting in a savings account that he never told her about? When they went to get divorced, wouldn’t that money be included in the total split between them? Why should she be able to divorce out of this debt? If there’s no prenuptial agreement, I thought mine is yours, yours is mine - assets and debts included. (Not trying to derail this, but this answer may change my opinion.) That sucks for you though **Indy**. I would definitely keep the parents out of this. Good luck! [/QUOTE] Depends on the state, length of the marriage, how seperate assets (and debts) were kept, what support was given to whom, etc., which is why people are saying “consult an attorney.” In many states in a short term marriage (and, as I recall, Indy hasn’t been married long), you can still identify premarital assets and debts - therefore the split is made accordingly. In other states, that may be much less the case that they care. ---
**Author:** ![dgrdfd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@dgrdfd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dgrdfd)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351/89 "2008-01-16T05:08:20Z")
[QUOTE=Dangerosa] Depends on the state, length of the marriage, how seperate assets (and debts) were kept, what support was given to whom, etc., which is why people are saying “consult an attorney.” In many states in a short term marriage (and, as I recall, Indy hasn’t been married long), you can still identify premarital assets and debts - therefore the split is made accordingly. In other states, that may be much less the case that they care. [/QUOTE] Thanks for the response. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351/90 "2008-01-16T05:34:47Z")
I’m going to confirm that how you set up your finances makes a huge difference - when my husband set up a small business we consulted an accountant and a lawyer and wound up with separate accounts so that if the business failed my assets and my credit rating would be protected. After the business was dissolved we merged all accounts, but we still trade off making major purchases (one vehicle in my name, one in his, for example) so we both maintain a good credit rating. **Indygirl** - you really do need to consult a lawyer and/or accountant and get this straightened out. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2008, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351/91 "2008-01-16T13:21:44Z")
[QUOTE=dgrdfd] Thanks for the response. [/QUOTE] No problem, just don’t marry someone wealthy intending on divorcing them in six months and getting half. It won’t work that way - even without a pre-nup. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-responsible-for-debt-my-husband-had-before-we-got-married/433351.md?page=4)