# Am I right to insist on a closed jacket? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 18, 2016, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659 "2016-06-18T02:05:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Scottish\_Cailyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Scottish\_Cailyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scottish_Cailyn)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2016, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/81 "2016-07-01T22:37:41Z")
Seems to have gone very quiet on here lately. Anyway, I am having to deal with her just now, she is complaining of being frozen plus is asking “what is wrong with our car, it is making a cool noise but isn’t moving”? I don’t know what to tell her lol but I do know the problem, it won’t bloody start. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/82 "2016-07-03T01:02:51Z")
Well, she doesn’t zip her coat, she learns she gets cold and wet = suffering consequences and learning a lesson. (I can understand about not wanting to ruin clothing, though. Demanding her friends do so is way over the top. I mean, when I was a kid, I used to play outside in the rain all the time – in my bare feet!) ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/83 "2016-07-03T14:32:40Z")
> [@Scottish\_Cailyn](#): > > I mean, I am the parent and she is the child so if I tell her to fasten her jacket then she has to fasten the jacket. Thanks for the clarifying remarks. It saved me from wasting my time writing out a thoughtful reply on my philosophy of child rearing and which battles are worth it and which are not. What type of responsibilities should be given to the child and which shouldn’t. You’re the boss, so insist that she do exactly as you say. Just remember that by framing the question this way, you’ve ensured that the next 15 years are going to be hell for both you and your daughter. Have fun. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/84 "2016-07-03T16:54:16Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > (I can understand about not wanting to ruin clothing, though. Demanding her friends do so is way over the top. I mean, when I was a kid, I used to play outside in the rain all the time – in my bare feet!) I can understand the concern about ruining clothing as well, and surfaces in the house that she may get wet when she comes in. So I would ask her (the child) to solve the problem that she’s creating for me. We can brainstorm solutions together and decide which are workable (keep a towel hung by the door for drying off) and which aren’t (run in the rain naked!), but in the end it’s up to her to choose which way she’s going to solve the problem she’s creating. I’m not into raising children. I’m more interested in raising adults with functional critical thinking and problem solving skills. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/85 "2016-07-03T17:20:29Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Another reason I’m pro-choice. If you’re saying the kid should just choose a different parent, I agree. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/86 "2016-07-03T19:15:23Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot;19451396I’m not into raising children. I’m more interested in raising adults with functional critical thinking and problem solving skills.[/QUOTE] One of my students, an 18-year-old girl just got her hair cut because her parents made her. They felt long hair takes too long to care for. This is a high school graduate for chrissake. We just had this conversation with my seven-year-old because it was taking her too long to get ready so we had her decide if she wanted to find a way to speed it up or should we cut it. She likes her hair long so she’s speeded it up. I have zero interest in having this conversation with her at 18. So we have it now, while she’s still a child and she can learn how to make decisions. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/87 "2016-07-03T19:24:53Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I can understand the concern about ruining clothing as well, and surfaces in the house that she may get wet when she comes in. So I would ask her (the child) to solve the problem that she’s creating for me. We can brainstorm solutions together and decide which are workable (keep a towel hung by the door for drying off) and which aren’t (run in the rain naked!), but in the end it’s up to her to choose which way she’s going to solve the problem she’s creating. > > I’m not into raising children. I’m more interested in raising adults with functional critical thinking and problem solving skills. I have learned over the years of dealing with children and teenagers that fastest way to modify their behavior is let them deal with the consequences. For example, when my nephews “forgot” to remove their muddy boots when they came into the house; they were immediately handed mops and scrub brushes to clean up the mess they made. Thereafter they removed all muddy clothing before getting beyond the doorway. If your daughter is tracking water into the house, let her clean it all up. Deduct the cost of anything she ruins from her allowance. It’s a amazing how pragmatic kids can be once it’s their money and time. ---
**Author:** ![Scottish\_Cailyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Scottish\_Cailyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scottish_Cailyn)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/88 "2016-07-03T19:30:45Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > If you’re saying the kid should just choose a different parent, I agree. Fuck off, totally uncalled for. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/89 "2016-07-03T20:38:59Z")
> [@Scottish\_Cailyn](#): > > Fuck off, totally uncalled for. You are welcome to disagree with other posters’ comments or snark, but don’t tell people to fuck off. No warning issued. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/90 "2016-07-03T20:41:39Z")
The kid has a nervous system. If she’s cold, she’ll feel it. If she’s not cold, she won’t feel cold. No need to force her to zip the jacket up. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/91 "2016-07-03T20:44:35Z")
> [@Scottish\_Cailyn](#): > > I am a bit surprised at how many people are critical of me insisting that my daughter fastens up her jacket, I mean, I am the parent and she is the child so if I tell her to fasten her jacket then she has to fasten the jacket. > > Anyway here is what happened today after school. > > I told my daughter that she could play with a couple of friends who were staying over for dinner that they could play at the swingpark despite it pouring down with rain so I said to the girls that they must put off their shoes and jackets at the front porch when they came back. > > The girls didnt need to be asked, they automatically put on AND fastened their jackets and put the hoods up but when they came back, I noticed that all 3 had unfastened jackets which meant they were soaking so I went out to the porch and told all 3 off, I asked “why are you soaking, your jackets were fastened”?, one of the girls said “sorry, we unfastened our jackets”, I angrily said “your own parents might let you off with that but at mine if I tell you to fasten your jacket then thats what I expect ok, I didnt need to ask you which is good but I did expect you to keep them fastened, look how wet it is”. I agree with \*\*TokyoBayer \*\*- while this parenting style may seem good to you at the moment, you’re setting yourself up for an intense siege of will and anger and resentment, come adolescence. Is that really what you want? ---
**Author:** ![Scottish\_Cailyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Scottish\_Cailyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scottish_Cailyn)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/92 "2016-07-03T21:35:23Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > You are welcome to disagree with other posters’ comments or snark, but don’t tell people to fuck off. > > No warning issued. Ok sorry but the comment was uncalled for, surely you can understand my anger!!? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/93 "2016-07-03T22:35:42Z")
> [@Scottish\_Cailyn](#): > > Ok sorry but the comment was uncalled for, surely you can understand my anger!!? Speaking only for myself, I expect it is probably an adjustment given my understanding that in Scottish culture disagreements are customarily resolved through a combination of alcohol abuse and physical violence, but in a multicultural forum one is often expected to sublimate strong reactions into sarcasm and emotional bullying rather than through raw, direct language. ---
**Author:** ![Sampsiceramos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Sampsiceramos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampsiceramos)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/94 "2016-07-03T23:01:19Z")
> [@Scottish\_Cailyn](#): > > Ok sorry but the comment was uncalled for, surely you can understand my anger!!? Not particularly. It really ought not surprise you that a strictly authoritarian line of parenting would be subject to scorn and ridicule on the Straight Dope of all places. Sooner rather than later, your child will grow up to be an independent human being capable of taking care of themselves, and your mindset of expecting obeisance by virtue of parenthood alone will set you up for nothing other than head- and heartache. You ought view having to leverage your fleetingly supreme authority as a parent as a failing (if sometimes an unfortunately necessary one), rather than a God-given right, because more often than most parents are willing to concede, having to do so indicates that the command in question had little merit of its own accord. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/95 "2016-07-03T23:29:24Z")
> [@Scottish\_Cailyn](#): > > Ok sorry but the comment was uncalled for, surely you can understand my anger!!? Perhaps you should have picked a different board to ask this question. You have the right to raise your kid any way you see fit. But when you ask a question about your parenting methods, and people on the internet don’t agree with you (which is SHOCKING, people on the internet always agree), you take what you get. If you are going to take answers to parenting questions on the internet personally, cut your losses and don’t return to the thread when you aren’t getting the answers you are looking for. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/96 "2016-07-03T23:42:21Z")
I would like to know what you hoped to get from this thread. Why did you ask if you should do what you’d already made up your mind about doing? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/97 "2016-07-03T23:47:00Z")
> [@Scottish\_Cailyn](#): > > Ok sorry but the comment was uncalled for, surely you can understand my anger!!? No. 1. There are rules. 2. The mods set the rules and are always right. 3. You obey. What’s the problem here? If you have a problem, look at No. 2 again. I grew up with that shit, I can do it all day. You may want to try a homeschooling board. Lot of fundamentalist Christians there who believe in not spoiling the rod. ---
**Author:** ![Scottish\_Cailyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Scottish\_Cailyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scottish_Cailyn)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/98 "2016-07-04T00:48:01Z")
Homeschooling forum? Tell me more lol. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/99 "2016-07-04T06:27:22Z")
> [@Scottish\_Cailyn](#): > > I will probably get criticised for this but I told the teacher to zip it himself instead of asking because ny daughter likes going outside during break/lunchtimes, he said that he totally understands my request and PROMISED to obey me. The teacher is going to _obey_ you? :dubious: > [@Scottish\_Cailyn](#): > > Homeschooling forum? > > Tell me more lol. Yeah, lots of fundamentalists and they believe in strict obedience, which seems to be your style. We handle things so completely different that any advice we give would be completely wasted. You probably would be better off in an echo chamber. In your OP, you say that one of the reasons you want her to fasten the jacket up is because you don’t like it “flapping all over the place.” You’re the mum so you get to dictate the style of wearing it. Get used to power struggles over things like this because you’re going to be seeing them for a long, long time. I have no meaningful advice. I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at why I insist on things, and if there is a legitimate reason or not. Then I lay the case out to my child and more often than not get the buy-in. That makes it so much easier to enforce it. We just had a thing with my five-year-old not wanting to put on sunscreen. That’s not optional for us, so it wasn’t a question of fashion. However, we did talk about my friend who had surgeries to remove various spots on his skin. After a few days of this, suddenly he got on the program and we don’t have to worry about it any more. He reminds me to put on sunscreen now. If either of my children weren’t fastening up their coats when it was raining, I wouldn’t make them. This is why the idea of having the teacher “PROMISE” to obey me would never occur to me. For my five-year-old, I simply wouldn’t allow him to play outside in the rain. No zipped up coat, no outside. I don’t see why that’s a difficult concept. For my seven-year-old, I’d leave it up to her to come up with a solution to wet clothes and books. And if she couldn’t then no outside. However, I wouldn’t get into a power struggle over flapping coats. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659/100 "2016-07-04T07:12:26Z")
Reading this thread because I too wondered what it really was about, got to thinking of many replies I could make, looking to see if they were already covered, pretty much and decided I was right to think that my parents were great all these many years. I am flabbergasted. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-right-to-insist-on-a-closed-jacket/757659.md?page=4)