# Am I the Only one who does this when it comes to relationships? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 10, 2003, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355 "2003-07-10T00:18:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![beergeek279](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@beergeek279](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beergeek279)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/61 "2003-07-13T15:36:21Z")
Well, it surely doesn’t help to live in Pittsburgh, which for the last 2 years has been Forbes’ singles graveyard. (Forbes magazine puts out a yearly survey of the best cities for singles based on criteria such as job growth, nightlife, etc., and for the last 2 years, Pittsburgh has come in dead last, 40th out of 40. To put it mildly, people around here were pissed, but haven’t done a thing to change it!) I also find it frustrating to try to meet potential romantic interests around here. I’m into the craft beer scene around here, and although I adore places like the Church Brew Works, D’s and the Sharp Edge, they’re hardly singles joints!!! Still, keep your head up and keep trying, and eventually good things will come 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/62 "2003-07-13T18:00:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GuanoLad \* > \*\*Oh! AND you’re a Star Wars fan - I have stories from the sets of the prequels that you’d probably love! \*\* SPILL SPILL SPILL!!! (In e-mail, as not to tie up our hamsters, of course). ---
**Author:** ![DeskMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@DeskMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeskMonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/63 "2003-07-13T18:39:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Oh, I KNOW there’s nothing WRONG with me. It’s more of an advice thing-how do I get over being so damn shy? > \*\* OK, this is going to sound stupid, but it worked for me. I was always very shy, always the girl who never said anything in class, always the cousin who stayed in her chair at family weddings while everyone else was dancing or mingling, always the daughter who cried when we had to go to my dad’s yearly company outing. One day when I was in college I decided I was tired of missing out and just started pretending I wasn’t shy. Sounds crazy, right? But it worked. I would start conversations in the checkout line at the grocery store or the bus stop (I started with old ladies, they’re pretty easy to talk to) like it was no big deal, and eventually it became second nature. I can still clam up sometimes, but more often than not I enjoy striking up conversations or sharing silly moments with strangers. It truly makes me feel like I’m sharing the planet. The nice thing about strangers is that they don’t know you, they don’t know you’re shy, and will probably never see you again. For all they know, you really are outgoing and chatty. And every once in a while, one of those strangers turns out to be a really good friend. Try it, no one will ever be the wiser. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/64 "2003-07-13T19:17:57Z")
Some time ago I made the decision that I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than the things I haven’t. It’s worked out pretty well. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/65 "2003-07-13T22:32:41Z")
I have to second (third?) the contra dance suggestion. It’s lots of fun, easy to learn, and contra dancers are quite friendly. It will also help you with swing dancing. Also, if I may digress from the romance angle, try registering with temp agencies as a clerical worker. Temp work is usually boring, but it’s a hell of a lot less stressful than retail, and it can often lead to a permanent job. With your computer skills, you should have no problem. I’ve worked temp jobs where they were amazed I could use a copier, let alone create a spreadsheet. ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/66 "2003-07-14T03:09:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by burundi \* > Also, if I may digress from the romance angle, try registering with temp agencies as a clerical worker. Temp work is usually boring, but it’s a hell of a lot less stressful than retail, and it can often lead to a permanent job. With your computer skills, you should have no problem. I’ve worked temp jobs where they were amazed I could use a copier, let alone create a spreadsheet. I concur. The people I’ve worked for on temp jobs were gobsmacked by my simple competence. I get the impression that most temps have the professional acumen of syphilitic wolverines, so you’ll look like Warren Buffet by comparison. Also, no matter how shitty a temp job is, it only lasts for a little while, and a lot of the time people forget you exist, so you often get plenty of q.t. with your own brain. Temp work usually pays better than retail, too, especially if your temp company likes you. And how could they not, I ask? ---
**Author:** ![tygre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@tygre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tygre)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/67 "2003-07-14T04:27:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DeskMonkey \* > \*\*One day when I was in college I decided I was tired of missing out and just started pretending I wasn’t shy. \*\* OMG – I did the same thing! And it did work – very well, to the point where I very rarely feel shy any more. Yeah, it took practice, but it quickly became second nature. I made it a point to a) get out and about and b) try to talk to one or two new people a day, even if (and this was the important part!) they were people I’d not come in contact with again – strangers at the grocery store, etc. I “practiced” on those whose opinions meant less to me, so I would be more adept by the time I approached people I **was** interested in. ---
**Author:** ![HideoHo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3ec8ea/32.png) [@HideoHo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HideoHo)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/68 "2003-07-14T14:01:21Z")
About the swing dancing, my friends and I are going to [http://www.pittsburghswing.com/eventdetail.asp?index=1&idSchedule=1864](http://www.pittsburghswing.com/eventdetail.asp?index=1&idSchedule=1864) that dance this week. Currently we have one more boy than girl, so if you would like to join us, or meet us there, you are more than welcome to. I can’t remember the last time I checked the mail that is on my profile, but you can email me at [John@VGONetwork.com](mailto:John@VGONetwork.com) if you’re interested in meeting up with us. We will be going so we can do the lesson before the actual dance, as only a few of us have ever done swing dancing before. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/69 "2003-07-14T15:06:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by burundi \* > \*\*Also, if I may digress from the romance angle, try registering with temp agencies as a clerical worker. Temp work is usually boring, but it’s a hell of a lot less stressful than retail, and it can often lead to a permanent job. With your computer skills, you should have no problem. I’ve worked temp jobs where they were amazed I could use a copier, let alone create a spreadsheet. \*\* So as not to hijack this thread about relationships, **Guinastasia’s** employment concerns have inspired [this spin-off thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=3700724#post3700724). On that thread, there is an ongoing general discussion about the experience of job-hunting. Also, there is some quite good and focused advice being tossed around. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/70 "2003-07-14T15:37:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by HPL \* > \*\*What if the way you live your life is to plan things out to some extent? Some people are less impulsive then others. \*\* …and though generally more organized and having it “more together” I doubt more romantic or out having a good time. I have advice to offer the “5-year-plan / i-dotters / t-crossers” on how to become more impulsive other then this: OK - Everything in your life should be formatted. Can you recall every doing anything spu of the moment? (A road trip, anything that wasn’t pre-planned?) Wasn’t it fun? Isn’t it great not having to sweat the details? Didn’t you devote more time and energy into enjoying yourself as opposed to having to follow some kind of mental itinerary? That’s the way romance has to be. It can’t be thought-out, planned, plotted or confined - it just has to happen. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/71 "2003-07-14T16:24:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JohnBckWLD \* > \*\* \That’s the way romance has to be. It can’t be thought-out, planned, plotted or confined - it just has to happen. \*\* I agree to a certain point; you still have to put yourself in situations where you can actually meet someone of the type you’re looking for. Sitting in my house watching tv was not getting the job done for me; I had to put myself in a position where I was meeting a lot of men so that I could wade through the Mr. Wrongs to get to Mr. Right. I sort of look at it a bit like a job search - no good jobs ever came knocking on my door while I watched tv, either. ---
**Author:** ![six-o](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@six-o](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/six-o)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/72 "2003-07-14T22:33:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by HideoHo \* > \*\*About the swing dancing, my friends and I are going to [http://www.pittsburghswing.com/eventdetail.asp?index=1&idSchedule=1864](http://www.pittsburghswing.com/eventdetail.asp?index=1&idSchedule=1864) that dance this week. Currently we have one more boy than girl, so if you would like to join us, or meet us there, you are more than welcome to. > \*\* Thanks for inviting me HideoHo… _sigh_ I know you don’t love me anymore! _sniff_ Guinastasia, you should go with HideoHo, he’s a cool guy and I’m sure you’ll have a blast! ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/73 "2003-07-14T22:56:44Z")
BTW- It would be much easier to hijack this into a flirting thread if somebody would link to a pic of Guinastasia. ---
**Author:** ![HideoHo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3ec8ea/32.png) [@HideoHo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HideoHo)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/74 "2003-07-14T23:05:37Z")
**Doc** , I could always pre-emptivly derail any attempts at a flirt thread by just posting my Hot or Not pic. If that doesn’t hit you like a cold shower, nothing will. Also, that link isn’t just to **Guin** - anyone who would like to go, I’d be happy to meet up with you there. It’s just over in Shady Side in Pittsburgh. Everyone except **Six-O** that is. I see enough of him at work. And he never brings his own dates. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/75 "2003-07-14T23:34:51Z")
I’d love to-only problem is, I’m broke and I have no way there. But I’ll see what I can do. ☹ [http://players.gamernic.com/Guinastasia/OurKatbesideIcesculpture.jpg](http://players.gamernic.com/Guinastasia/OurKatbesideIcesculpture.jpg) [http://players.gamernic.com/Guinastasia/mewithgloveson.jpg](http://players.gamernic.com/Guinastasia/mewithgloveson.jpg) (The reason I’m not smiling is because whenever I smile for pictures it always looks fake) I’ll see about temping, if there’s any around me. As for pictures, here are two of me at the _Titanic_ dinner last year-note-I spent hours on my hair and make up: ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/76 "2003-07-15T00:11:19Z")
(sigh) What is it about girls with glasses? If I understand everything correctly- intelligent artistic likes animals in general and cats in particular is upset by any show of bigotry, whether she belongs to the group in question or not fan of Star Wars overall geek chic It’s definitely your anxiety and the fact that you can’t meet guys sitting at home. ``` So, how do you feel about men who are inteligent(I'm trying to strike a balance between vanity and selling myself short) artistic like animals in general and bats(not at typo) in particular are upset by any show of bigotry, whether they belong to the group in question or not fans of Next Generation may have geek chic but isn't sure? ``` ---
**Author:** ![HideoHo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3ec8ea/32.png) [@HideoHo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HideoHo)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/77 "2003-07-15T00:22:27Z")
If you want, I can provide your entrance this week. We’ll hit up **Zenster** if you like it and want to go again. As for a ride, I have no idea where you’re at in Pittsburgh, but I’m actually pretty close to the dance place already. I have to do some random driving to pick others up, if you like, I can pick you up too, or - I believe it is on a major bus line, so if you have a bus pass, you can meet us there and either bus it home, or I can ride you home. Also, if you would like to hang out before said dance, to be more comfortable (I recommend it to all my friends meeting people online, why not recommend it here?) I have some friends that work at Moonflight, a coffee bar near the airport. We also play DDR regularly in Robinson and Station Square. If you’d like to get together for coffee or some DDR, let me know. I have to say, though, that ice sculpture behind you is utterly hilarious. The only thing that could possibly make it better is a little placard that said “Spoiler” in front of it. Or possibly ice cubes falling from it. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/78 "2003-07-15T04:03:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*I’d love to-only problem is, I’m broke and I have no way there. But I’ll see what I can do. > > ☹ > > [http://players.gamernic.com/Guinastasia/OurKatbesideIcesculpture.jpg](http://players.gamernic.com/Guinastasia/OurKatbesideIcesculpture.jpg) > > [http://players.gamernic.com/Guinastasia/mewithgloveson.jpg](http://players.gamernic.com/Guinastasia/mewithgloveson.jpg) > > (The reason I’m not smiling is because whenever I smile for pictures it always looks fake) > > I’ll see about temping, if there’s any around me. > > As for pictures, here are two of me at the _Titanic_ dinner last year-note-I spent hours on my hair and make up: \*\* Hey, **Guin**? Remember all that stuff I said about virgins in the infamous Pit thread of mine? _Forget it!_ For _you_, I’d make an exception! Yowza! Seriously, though, **Guin** , we’re all here for you and we’ll help you in any way we can. ---
**Author:** ![six-o](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@six-o](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/six-o)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/79 "2003-07-15T04:14:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DocCathode \* > **intelligent inteligent** ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355/80 "2003-07-15T04:28:16Z")
Alright, we’re finally down to the flirting. C’mon, **Guin** , go dancing with the guy. And let us all know how it works out. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-the-only-one-who-does-this-when-it-comes-to-relationships/187355.md?page=5)