# Am I underreacting or are my in-laws overreacting? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 28, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398 "2011-08-28T16:46:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398/21 "2011-08-28T19:42:49Z")
They are disproportionally reacting to a valid concern IMO. ---
**Author:** ![chizzuk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@chizzuk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chizzuk)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398/22 "2011-08-28T20:06:12Z")
Yeah, I don’t think it was a great idea, but there was no need to flip out. We used to play really involved games of Hide and Seek when we visited my cousins and picked some dangerous places, like under the minivan in the driveway. Once, one of my cousins thought up the idea to hide my brother, who was about 7 at the time, in the dryer with the door cracked. He was the only one small enough to fit. We all thought this was a great idea, and nothing bad happened, but my aunt absolutely freaked out and banned us from hiding in the basement any more. I mean, Little Bro was 7, he knew very well not to get into a dryer and turn it on, but her point was that what if the door somehow got closed and he was stuck in there and suffocated? My cousin picked a hiding spot in view of the dryer during the game so he could make sure this didn’t happen, but my aunt had a point. We felt pretty stupid afterward. ---
**Author:** ![RadicalPi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/radicalpi/32/9806_2.png) [@RadicalPi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RadicalPi)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398/23 "2011-08-28T23:27:09Z")
Well, can we see the picture? ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398/24 "2011-08-28T23:50:45Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > I too feel kids should not be encouraged to think of the dryer as something to play with. > > That said, I get more and more of a feeling these days that keeping kids safe is more about feeling and demonstrating superiority to others, than it is about keeping kids safe. QFT The kids are in FAR more danger every time you drive them somewhere in a car. Of course they shouldn’t play in the dryer on a regular basis. But you know that and are reasonably cautious. Your in-laws are way out of line. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398/25 "2011-08-29T00:46:11Z")
> [@RadicalPi](#): > > Well, can we see the picture? I dunno…I’m afraid someone might call CPS on us! ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398/26 "2011-08-29T01:17:02Z")
> [@PeskiPiksi](#): > > Shoot…there goes our “perfect parents” award for the year. We were so close! 😃 It could be worse. My mother used the dryer as a threat: “If you don’t behave I’m gonna lock you in the dryer and spin you dry!” At least you made it fun–for a day. ---
**Author:** ![Shmendrik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Shmendrik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shmendrik)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398/27 "2011-08-29T04:15:41Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Children are very resilient. > > But how is the absolute BEST way to traumatize the fuck out of a child? > > Have one of their adult authority figures freak out and force them to freak out along with. > > Seen it too many times. Kid falls down or runs into something and gets hurt. Cries a little, gets up and continues on his merry way. Or, stops and looks at mom, who freaks the fuck out and runs over screaming and grabbing at child; at which point the child is confused, scared and freaked out too and thus, is traumatized by something that, on his own, would be “oh well, moving on…”. > > It is a great ‘teachable moment’, to say (calmly and smiling) “Hey, this cute and all, but the dryer is dangerous, and if you ge trapped in there, you can’t get out. So NEVER play in the dryer, ok? We don’t want anyone to get hurt by it.” I agree with you about not freaking out when your kid trips and falls, but I don’t think your conclusion is justified. There’s a large excluded middle between freaking out when your kid mildly injures himself and saying something calmly and smiling when they do something potentially dangerous. When my 3 year old tried to climb up the railing on our balcony, I pulled him off it and said, loudly and firmly, “Never climb on that, it’s dangerous.” I was calm, not yelling, but certainly not smiling. I think very young children won’t get the message if you smile when you say that sort of thing, and may think you’re joking or playing. If they are a bit older, they’ll get the content even if you’re smiling, but the OP’s kids are 19 months and 3 years old. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398/28 "2011-08-29T12:32:58Z")
I think you are underreacting. Your three year old is old enough to repeat this game with her brother - she opens the door, he crawls in, she pushes the button to give him a ride. She has learned that being in the dryer is an acceptable thing, and little kids have really no concept of looking ahead to consequences. You were there this time, but your kids are at the age where they are going to separate a little, you won’t be there every single minute. The upside is you’ll get to pee by yourself. The downside is that all that stuff you let them do because “I was right there with them” they will have the ability to repeat when you aren’t. ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398/29 "2011-08-29T12:54:15Z")
> [@chizzuk](#): > > Once, one of my cousins thought up the idea to hide my brother, who was about 7 at the time, in the dryer with the door cracked. He was the only one small enough to fit. We all thought this was a great idea, and nothing bad happened, but my aunt absolutely freaked out and banned us from hiding in the basement any more. I mean, Little Bro was 7, he knew very well not to get into a dryer and turn it on, but her point was that what if the door somehow got closed and he was stuck in there and suffocated? My cousin picked a hiding spot in view of the dryer during the game so he could make sure this didn’t happen, but my aunt had a point. We felt pretty stupid afterward. What kind of latch did your aunt’s dryer have? I can’t imagine any kid much over the age of four or so who, assuming the dryer wasn’t running, thrashing about in a panic that wouldn’t knock the door of a home dryer open. And I’d lay odds on a kid kicking open a running dryer also (although after a few revolutions, disorientation and potential concussion would make that less likely). ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398/30 "2011-08-29T14:46:03Z")
I’m voting for the grandparents way overreacting. Just about everything in the house is dangerous to an unsupervised 19 month old. These kids were supervised. > [@Peremensoe](#): > > [Here](http://www.mpnnow.com/news/x1512121564/Police-Child-stuck-in-Macedon-dryer-for-a-picture) is an account of a couple that was criminally charged for putting a child (not physically harmed) in a dryer for a photo. I actually thought the linked story would be similar to the OP’s. It’s not. It’s about someone forcing a screaming child into a dryer and physically holding the door shut and then pretending to turn it on to scare the child. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398/31 "2011-08-29T14:52:53Z")
> [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > I’m voting for the grandparents way overreacting. Just about everything in the house is dangerous to an unsupervised 19 month old. These kids were supervised. As has been noted, the proper concern (however much that is) isn’t for what happens while they’re supervised, but what they learn from it that might influence what happens later, when they may be unsupervised. > [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > I actually thought the linked story would be similar to the OP’s. It’s not. It’s about someone forcing a screaming child into a dryer and physically holding the door shut and then pretending to turn it on to scare the child. Sorry, I didn’t mean to suggest that it was very similar to the OP, just that it’s the kind of incident that might feed the in-laws’ reaction. (But, to be precise, the child wasn’t screaming to begin with, and wasn’t forced into the dryer.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-underreacting-or-are-my-in-laws-overreacting/594398.md?page=1)