# Am I wrong for taking my own sweet time at a restaurant table? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 19, 2019, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010 "2019-10-19T19:40:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/21 "2019-10-20T03:00:50Z")
I voted “you’re fine, but you might want to boost your tip just a bit”…but I’d say boost your tip by more than just a bit. If you’re going to be there several times longer than you would just to eat your meal, I think you should tip several times as much as you normally would. Even if the restaurant isn’t full, you’re taking up one of your server’s tables which might have otherwise had several new guests in that time. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/22 "2019-10-20T07:17:54Z")
… a liter and a half of coffee?!? How do you still have a colon? ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/23 "2019-10-20T10:04:08Z")
I voted “other”. For me, if there’s a line out the door or the place is really crowded, I prefer to skip it. I don’t like to wait, individual meals aren’t that important to me (I can eat earlier or later or elsewhere), and I have kitchen at home. If I do sit down, I’m not responsible for determining what departure time is optimal for the restaurant. Sticking to uncrowded restaurants renders the question moot. My eating “out” is almost always lunch time when running errands, and unplanned. I stopped in a restaurant Saturday to grab lunch and realized there were a dozen in front of me waiting to order (fast food). Not upset or anything, but I just wandered back to my truck and continued my tasks. I’ve never had a meal that was good enough to wait in a line for it, and can eat later or not at all. Skipping a meal isn’t a big deal – I can catch up on the next one. Mizpullin and I agree that eating out in the evening is never worth it. We prefer our kitchen, our food, and Netflix/DVDs sometimes. We’ve eaten dinner out twice this year so far, both times unusual occasions. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/24 "2019-10-20T11:27:51Z")
I don’t see a scenario at a reasonably run restaurant where they couldn’t allocate tables fairly to servers when its less than half full. Either you have a single server covering the entire restaurant in which case it doesn’t matter or the hostess is assigning patrons evenly across all sections as they enter in which case it doesn’t matter when you leave. In my mind, I’m doing restaurants a favor when I linger when it’s mostly empty. It makes the place seem more busy and people on the street are more likely to come in. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/25 "2019-10-20T12:47:05Z")
We eat out a few times each week and tend to visit the same handful of establishments. I already tip well, but if we are lingering over conversation or watching the last period of the Penquins game, I’ll tip extra and maybe have another drink. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/26 "2019-10-20T13:17:13Z")
> [@Shalmanese](#): > > I don’t see a scenario at a reasonably run restaurant where they couldn’t allocate tables fairly to servers when its less than half full. Either you have a single server covering the entire restaurant in which case it doesn’t matter or the hostess is assigning patrons evenly across all sections as they enter in which case it doesn’t matter when you leave. > … This. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/27 "2019-10-20T13:53:23Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > It’s highly unlikely though, at most restaurant the waitstaff shares tips. Most? Can you name three? I’ve never in my life seen a restaurant in the US where waiters pool their tips to share with other waiters. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/28 "2019-10-20T13:59:52Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > Most? Can you name three? I’ve never in my life seen a restaurant in the US where waiters pool their tips to share with other waiters. Heh. When my daughter was 15, she waitressed at a local coffee shop type restaurant. I showed up on her first day and had a cup of coffee for which I left a $20 tip. My daughter texted me that night about how I shouldn’t do that, since they split their tips. ETA: that’s the only tip pooling place I’ve seen, other than a local brewery where everyone waits on everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/29 "2019-10-20T14:02:17Z")
Thanks for all the thoughts expressed here and it seems I’m not too far out of line in my actions. With that being said, I think we’re talking about entirely different classes of eateries. This is my [local.](http://www.google.com/search?q=cozy+inn+holdrege) There’s no bar service and no hostess. People come in and grab a table they like. Most of the time, there’s only a single sever covering the entire place and when they do have two or more, it seems to be a free for all. Individual servers grab tables as they come in without regard to who’s section they are in. The whole dining room is everybody’s “section”. Judging by their reaction when I stroll in, I’m doing alright by them. I’ll grab a booth, someone comes over with a cup and carafe of coffee and asks if I want to look at the menu. I decline and a few minute later my short stack and two sunny side up eggs come out (with the eggs tucked _under_ the pancakes for better yolk absorption and more even syrup distribution). That comes to \<$8. After lingering over my meal and the daily news for a while, I drop a tenner and leave the change as tip. If they’ve got a problem with me, they’ve had more than enough opportunity to tell me. My other regular spot is a pizza buffet with self service drink refills. They literally don’t even have servers. You pay first, grab a table you like and chow down. Eventually, someone comes around and grabs your empty plates. I still tip 20% if I’m there for an extended length of time, less if I don’t linger. > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > How do you still have a colon? My colon is fine. To borrow a line from Dennis Leary, “My colon is the strongest muscle in my body. I could pass Elvis right now!” My bladder,…eh, no colorful expressions here. Lets just say it and I aren’t best friends. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/30 "2019-10-20T15:20:08Z")
I think you’re fine, though I wish you’d included the caveat from your post about keeping an eye on how full the restaurant was in your poll options. That’s the most important consideration. I was a server for 10 years and I still have the nightmares to prove it. I’d rather have someone linger and give a normal tip when there are lots of empty tables, than have someone linger and give a 50% tip when it costs me a whole other table. The only other thing you might keep in mind is that your server’s shift might be ending. This means s/he needs to close out all checks or transfer them to the next server (and thereby lose the tip). Also s/he probably has a solid hour of sidework to do in the back, which is stressful when you still have that one person you need to keep checking on. So if you’re done ordering and just want to sit and read, let your server know exactly that, and close out your check. If you do those three things (only linger when it’s not busy, cash out promptly, and tip well) you’ll probably be the best customer they have all day. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/31 "2019-10-20T16:02:36Z")
I do remember pooling tips on the Saturday nights before the FSU and FAMU graduations. It just made it easier and eliminated most of the griping when someone got sat a party of 10 and half of them were under 5 years old. We just knew those nights were going to be Hell and just had to get through them. Even I, the year I was the host tossed my bribe money in and got a small amount of the tip pool paid out. But that was just two nights out of the year. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/32 "2019-10-20T16:15:16Z")
While you’re there your server has to pay attention to you for refills and checking in, so your tip should reflect that extra effort. And the server may be wondering if you’re going to tip extra or not. They don’t really know until the end. I’m sure they’ve had people who sat for that long and didn’t even tip at all. All that extra coffee may be negating any profit the restaurant got from your meal. The bottomless cup is probably based on 1 or 2 extra cups. A larger issue could be that other people see you hanging out for hours and then think it’s okay for them as well. Not everyone will be considerate, so invariably there will be some cheapskates who won’t worry about the effect on the waitress or restaurant if they sit in a booth for hours just drinking coffee. I expect the manager may have some worries. I’m guessing it occupies some of their thoughts wondering if they’ll need to tell you to leave or not. I’m sure they have to tell some people to leave at some point. I would guess the staff would prefer that you acted like a typical patron so they knew what to expect. If you go a lot, they will eventually recognize you as a regular and then not worry about it. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/33 "2019-10-20T19:07:46Z")
If you’re a regular, then maybe every once in a while leave a bigger tip than $2 on an $8 check (which is quite acceptable, btw.) It sounds like it’s a good deal for the money and you are considerate about not hanging around if they get busy. ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/34 "2019-10-20T21:22:13Z")
Once I was in the situation where me and my girlfriend had just had an excellent meal at a sit-down pizza place on a Friday night. We ordered a bunch of food and as we finished we requested a new pizza to take home to eat the next morning. We paid for everything, left a tip but waited at the table still as we were told it would take 10 minutes before it was ready. As we waited chatting and finishing our drinks the manager huffed over and “requested” we wait for our pizza standing by the front door as they needing to clean the table for the next customer. Now the place was packed but they hadn’t had actually gotten any new customers yet (nobody was waiting at the WAIT TO BE SEATED line) and until we picked up our pizza nobody arrived and our table was still empty, but we decided it wasn’t worth an argument and just got up to vacate the table and waited by the door. It was entirely the attitude of the manager that turned us off as he said it like we were just staying there taking money out of his wallet when he knew we were waiting for something we just paid for. So we quitely waited by the front for our pizza, got it, and haven’t been back since. Still wonder if that was justified or not they had excellent deep dish pizza. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/35 "2019-10-20T21:31:00Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > I’ll add - I stayed a whole afternoon in a coffee shop recently, on a hiking trip where it just poured with rain all day and we couldn’t go anywhere. It was pretty empty, and I bought 3 or 4 coffees. I asked the manager/owner if she was okay with it (since we had a bunch of hiking gear too), and she said when the place is pretty empty she actually _likes_ it - she said psychologically people feel a place is less welcoming if it’s completely empty, so other customers are more likely to come in if a few people are there. I was going to say this. When looking for a place to eat, someplace totally empty makes me pause. I’m much more likely to come inside if there are at least a few customers. Also, if there are lots of empty tables/booths new customers can still be fairly allocated to the waitstaff. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2019, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/36 "2019-10-20T21:35:37Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > Once I was in the situation where me and my girlfriend had just had an excellent meal at a sit-down pizza place on a Friday night. We ordered a bunch of food and as we finished we requested a new pizza to take home to eat the next morning. We paid for everything, left a tip but waited at the table still as we were told it would take 10 minutes before it was ready. > > As we waited chatting and finishing our drinks the manager huffed over and “requested” we wait for our pizza standing by the front door as they needing to clean the table for the next customer. Now the place was packed but they hadn’t had actually gotten any new customers yet (nobody was waiting at the WAIT TO BE SEATED line) and until we picked up our pizza nobody arrived and our table was still empty, but we decided it wasn’t worth an argument and just got up to vacate the table and waited by the door. > > It was entirely the attitude of the manager that turned us off as he said it like we were just staying there taking money out of his wallet when he knew we were waiting for something we just paid for. So we quitely waited by the front for our pizza, got it, and haven’t been back since. Still wonder if that was justified or not they had excellent deep dish pizza. I mean, only you can decide if their pizza was worth putting up with that, but I say he was in the wrong. You were waiting for something you’d ordered! You still had drinks in front of you! I hated “campers” as we called them as much as anyone, but come on. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2019, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/37 "2019-10-21T14:34:02Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > As we waited chatting and finishing our drinks the manager huffed over and “requested” we wait for our pizza standing by the front door as they needing to clean the table for the next customer … > > It was entirely the attitude of the manager that turned us off as he said it like we were just staying there taking money out of his wallet when he knew we were waiting for something we just paid for. So we quitely waited by the front for our pizza, got it, and **haven’t been back since. Still wonder if that was justified or not they had excellent deep dish pizza**. I’d give them another try if you liked the food. The manager clearly made a service mistake (I mean, you all were ordering extra food, after all. Fine for you guys to linger at the table over desserts, but not wait 10 minutes on a pizza?), so it’s not like you all have anything to be embarrassed about. On top of that, managers change often in the restaurant business … if it’s been 6 months or so, there’s a good chance you’ll never run into that guy again. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2019, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/38 "2019-10-21T14:37:53Z")
> [@Esprise\_Me](#): > > I hated “campers” as we called them as much as anyone, but come on. I don’t know how the definition worked where you waited, but at my place … anyone waiting on food, dessert, drinks, etc – even if intending on taking it to go – was by definition not a camper. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2019, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/39 "2019-10-21T14:47:39Z")
As you describe it, you’re fine. You’ve paid for your meal and coffee, tipped your waitress, and made sure that you’re not keeping any other patron waiting. Once the place starts to fill up, though, you should be on your way. ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2019, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010/40 "2019-10-21T15:15:28Z")
Myself, I think take as long as you want. Basically, you are there for your own enjoyment, not to ensure others get a table as quickly as possible. For my own part, I don’t like to linger. It’s why the advent of paying kiosks have been a great thing. I like to eat, pay, and get out, but that’s just me. I don’t do it because I’m wanting to free up a table asap, I do it because, well, I’m fairly anti-social, hate crowds, and I have a lot of trouble hearing if there is a burble of voices (I have really bad tinnitus from years spent in data centers). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/am-i-wrong-for-taking-my-own-sweet-time-at-a-restaurant-table/842010.md?page=3)