# Amateur Barbarian, I'd offer you a hug but I'm afraid you'd call me a corporate shill for Big Hug **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 24, 2016, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834 "2016-08-24T17:59:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/1 "2016-08-24T17:59:44Z")
This pit thread is a result of the Cafe Society thread, [Bottled water- Is it really worth it? (Scam or not)](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=801946) where, thanks to Mr. Barbarian, [Alleged Economist](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19578146&postcount=92), things are getting a little too heated for the forum. There’s the usual give and take: some people like bottled water for the convenience, or because their tap water tastes bad. Others think it’s a waste of money because most bottled water is just tap water, or the bottles are bad for the environment. The Barbaric One says that it is indeed a scam, because instead of water in a bottle being sold as “bottled water” it’s being sold as Organic Free-Range Mythical Unicorn Jizz that’ll cure your hangnails, give you perfect pitch, and make you irresistable to the sex partners of your choice, and we brainless drones are falling for it because marketing. post 15 > [@](#): > > Billions of dollars in marketing every year, promoting it as a worthwhile product. They’re not “offering” it, they’re all but waterboarding us with it. Right, the same sort of marketing campaign used for every consumer product from tampons to lawn tractors is equivalent to being tortured. :rolleyes: post 25 > [@](#): > > Except that in your argument, it’s all Kool-Aid flavored. The odds that you would buy bottled water as any kind of a regular drink, had you not been exposed to two decades of intense marketing pressure, are pretty close to nil. > (snip) > At least try to argue the actual issues here, and not simply stand up for the marketing department’s fabrications. Cute. “This poster disagrees with me, so let me condescendingly paint him/her as a brainless drone who can’t make a decision unless an ad exec makes it for him/her.” post 68, bolding mine > [@](#): > > So all the complaints about how your household or county water is sooooo bad you just have to drink stuff freighted in from France or Fiji is self-serving bullshit. You live in Texas or Detroit and haven’t invested in a decent home conditioning or filtration (or even distillation) system to give you plentiful, cheap, tasty water? **You deserve brown teeth and rancid farts. And to have spent far more of your so-plentiful income hauling water home from someone smarter than you about it.** Jesus fuck, did a bottle of Evian shoot your Pa just to watch him die? I’ll grant that installing a filtration unit is likely cheaper over the long run than buying bottled water. However, if someone doesn’t have the ready cash for a large one-time purchase but can more easily squeeze $5-10 for bottled water into their weekly budget, that’s their business. If someone can afford it but just doesn’t want to, that’s their business. If they think little purple men from Neptune are telling them water purifiers are the devil… that’s FUBAR, but their business. Why the fucking hell are you so bent out of shape over how other people choose to spend their own fucking money? I had phrased that in a more CS-friendly way when he decided to clarify his position in Post 83: > [@](#): > > Adding to the social, economic, societal and ecological load on the planet to sell overpriced, heavily marketed H2O as some kind of status symbol, ‘right’ or necessity should be criminal - but since I don’t believe in fixing things like this with legislation of any kind, the goal is to get people to wake up from their marketing-concussed stupor and say, “Ya know what? FUCK that!” That’s right, sheeple! Wake up! The Reverse Osmosis Messiah hath arriveth to free us from the tyrranical yoke of Big Water! When I replied to that saying that doing the online equivalent of grabbing people and screaming into their faces maybe wasn’t the best way of going about that, he responded: > [@](#): > > I don’t think any of my posts here come close to that. No, you just said that people who don’t pony up for a water purification system deserve bad teeth and killer flatulence. All sunshine and buttercups, you. > [@](#): > > No, I don’t do kindergarten-polite very well - “Yes, Dasani is a very fine choice, but you might want to consider the advantages of blah blah blah…” Well, I guess it’s good to know you’re sneering at us on a fully adult level. > [@](#): > > But it’s pretty exasperating to have people defend spending many hundreds, if not thousands of dollars a year on PFW, and instead of admitting they’ve been bitch-slapped into it by thirty years of marketing pressure, they whine that their tap water is awful… when for $3-500 and $50 a year they can permanently fix that problem. Gosh, they can’t possibly be doing it because they’ve found an alternative way that works for them. Clearly the water company shills are literally worse than Scientology. I’ll… hand myself over to the reprogrammers at once. ☹ If I’m not back by 6 pm, someone please feed my cat. Just remember, he’ll only eat Purina One, the Chicken & Turkey flavor, because he’s been brainwashed into thinking that’s the One Edible Food by eee-vile marketing shills of Big Pussy. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/2 "2016-08-24T18:06:46Z")
Wow. What an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/3 "2016-08-24T18:16:11Z")
Well, he’s not just going to sit there and say _nothing_, like some sort of floor mat. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/4 "2016-08-24T18:19:03Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Well, he’s not just going to sit there and say _nothing_, like some sort of floor mat. Yes, I am. ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/5 "2016-08-24T18:19:07Z")
Well done, **Azeotrope**. Great OP. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/6 "2016-08-24T18:35:51Z")
Hey, he’s gotten a lot less offensive in his analogies. Club stores (like Costco) are reminiscent of [the Holocaust](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17546094&postcount=7). Getting a rewards credit card isn’t far removed from [murdering 1000 people for $1000](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16543074&postcount=27). Giving a throw away email address to a store for a discount [makes you a prostitute](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16330464&postcount=22). ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/7 "2016-08-24T18:36:56Z")
Aw, don’t give AB a hard time, he’s just having a vocabulary problem. He doesn’t understand the meaning of the words “scam,” “field,” “economics,” “journalist,” nor probably a few others. Once he familiarizes himself with the correct usage of these terms, I’m sure he’ll be on the right track. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/8 "2016-08-24T19:26:50Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Well, he’s not just going to sit there and say _nothing_, like some sort of floor mat. :highfive: ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/9 "2016-08-24T19:27:25Z")
Look, he’s not a Professional Barbarian. I assume this is the best he can do with the level of competition he normally faces. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/10 "2016-08-24T19:31:13Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Well, he’s not just going to sit there and say _nothing_, like some sort of floor mat. > [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > Yes, I am. _Whoosh!_ ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/11 "2016-08-24T19:36:37Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Hey, he’s gotten a lot less offensive in his analogies. > > Club stores (like Costco) are reminiscent of [the Holocaust](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17546094&postcount=7). > > Getting a rewards credit card isn’t far removed from [murdering 1000 people for $1000](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16543074&postcount=27). > > Giving a throw away email address to a store for a discount [makes you a prostitute](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16330464&postcount=22). :eek: I was gone from the board a few years and missed all those. I’m a murderous Nazi whore and never knew it! ☹ Actually I didn’t notice him until the [Tide thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=799639) I just don’t get why the wadded undies over how other people spend their money, whether it’s water or laundry detergent or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/12 "2016-08-24T19:40:08Z")
> [@Crotalus](#): > > Well done, **Azeotrope**. Great OP. Thanks. 😃 > [@TriPolar](#): > > Look, he’s not a Professional Barbarian. I assume this is the best he can do with the level of competition he normally faces. Maybe the IOC revoked his barbarianing gold medal when they found out he’d taken sponsorship money, and now that they let pros compete he’s all bitter about it? It happened to Kaitlyn Jenner and now she’s a… Kardashian! :eek::eek::eek: ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/13 "2016-08-24T19:40:22Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Hey, he’s gotten a lot less offensive in his analogies. > > Club stores (like Costco) are reminiscent of [the Holocaust](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17546094&postcount=7). > > Getting a rewards credit card isn’t far removed from [murdering 1000 people for $1000](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16543074&postcount=27). > > Giving a throw away email address to a store for a discount [makes you a prostitute](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16330464&postcount=22). These don’t even include his other username…Nitropress :eek: ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/14 "2016-08-24T19:40:52Z")
His illuminati style of suspicion of marketing and corporate supply and demand it fucked up bonkers. BUY BOTTLED WATER Is marketing ridiculously bombastic and pandering at times? Of course. BUY BOTTLED WATER But if there’s a niche to fill, and demand because it’s more convenient or of better quality than any alternatives, advertising will exploit that. BUY BOTTLED WATER It’s not like They’re not out to hypnotize you. BUY BOTTLED WATER ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/15 "2016-08-24T19:55:51Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > Maybe the IOC revoked his barbarianing gold medal when they found out he’d taken sponsorship money, and now that they let pros compete he’s all bitter about it? It happened to Kaitlyn Jenner and now she’s a… Kardashian! :eek::eek::eek: Maybe he was caught pissing on a gas station wall and lied about it. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/16 "2016-08-24T20:48:36Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > His illuminati style of suspicion of marketing and corporate supply and demand it fucked up bonkers. > BUY BOTTLED WATER > Is marketing ridiculously bombastic and pandering at times? Of course. > BUY BOTTLED WATER > But if there’s a niche to fill, and demand because it’s more convenient or of better quality than any alternatives, advertising will exploit that. > BUY BOTTLED WATER > It’s not like They’re not out to hypnotize you. > BUY BOTTLED WATER I love you. I just came in here for the A+ thread title. Not disappointed. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/17 "2016-08-24T20:56:23Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I love you. > > I just came in here for the A+ thread title. Not disappointed. 🆒 Not disappointed either. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/18 "2016-08-24T20:59:33Z")
> [@](#): > > Billions of dollars in marketing every year, promoting it as a worthwhile product. They’re not “offering” it, they’re all but waterboarding us with it. oh, so that’s why a few guys broke into my house last night and poured bottled water on my face. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/19 "2016-08-24T21:03:01Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > oh, so that’s why a few guys broke into my house last night and poured bottled water on my face. Good one, I almost spit Dasani out of my mouth. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/20 "2016-08-24T21:42:25Z")
I don’t drink bottled water often, but when I do, I prefer Pellegrino. 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834.md?page=2)