# Amateur Barbarian, I'd offer you a hug but I'm afraid you'd call me a corporate shill for Big Hug **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 24, 2016, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834 "2016-08-24T17:59:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/21 "2016-08-24T22:10:03Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > I’ll grant that installing a filtration unit is likely cheaper over the long run than buying bottled water. However, if someone doesn’t have the ready cash for a large one-time purchase but can more easily squeeze $5-10 for bottled water into their weekly budget, that’s their business. If someone can afford it but just doesn’t want to, that’s their business. If they think little purple men from Neptune are telling them water purifiers are the devil… that’s FUBAR, but their business. I think it’s clear that Amateur Barbarian is just a tool of Big Filter. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/22 "2016-08-24T22:11:45Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Hey, he’s gotten a lot less offensive in his analogies. > > Club stores (like Costco) are reminiscent of [the Holocaust](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17546094&postcount=7). > > Getting a rewards credit card isn’t far removed from [murdering 1000 people for $1000](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16543074&postcount=27). > > Giving a throw away email address to a store for a discount [makes you a prostitute](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16330464&postcount=22). Wow. It’s like he’s really self-conscious about his low level of sales resistance, so he has to both restrict his own contact with potential sellers, and rationalize that anyone who doesn’t is ethically problematic (at best). ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/23 "2016-08-24T22:41:49Z")
> [@](#): > > So all the complaints about how your household or county water is sooooo bad you just have to drink stuff freighted in from France or Fiji is self-serving bullshit. You live in Texas or Detroit and haven’t invested in a decent home conditioning or filtration (or even distillation) system to give you plentiful, cheap, tasty water? You deserve brown teeth and rancid farts. And to have spent far more of your so-plentiful income hauling water home from someone smarter than you about it. And Evian is just “naive” spelt backwards! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/24 "2016-08-24T22:46:42Z")
Fuji is Ijuf spelled backwards! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/25 "2016-08-24T23:01:22Z")
H[sub]2[/sub]O spelled backwards is O[sub]s[/sub]H. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/26 "2016-08-24T23:01:37Z")
And don’t even get him started on [Nutella](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=683395). ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/27 "2016-08-24T23:27:24Z")
And Pellegrino spelt backwards is Onirgellep, who was one of the Elder Gods. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Onirgellep R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn, SHEEPLE! ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/28 "2016-08-24T23:53:39Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Hey, he’s gotten a lot less offensive in his analogies. > > Club stores (like Costco) are reminiscent of [the Holocaust](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17546094&postcount=7). > > Getting a rewards credit card isn’t far removed from [murdering 1000 people for $1000](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16543074&postcount=27). > > Giving a throw away email address to a store for a discount [makes you a prostitute](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=16330464&postcount=22). Well, that explains a lot. I should have just come here first instead of responding to the original bottled water thread in which I rather meekly accused **AB** of over-broad generalizations and pontifications. Apparently I drink bottled spring water because I am a brainless tool of the Capitalist Advertising Cabal who have planted the hypnotic suggestion that the local tap water tastes like shit. This extortion racket extracts from me the staggering sum of 89¢ a case for spring water that is bottled and trucked down from a natural spring literally 90 miles up the road. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/29 "2016-08-25T00:09:33Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > I’ll… hand myself over to the reprogrammers at once. ☹ If I’m not back by 6 pm, someone please feed my cat. Just remember, he’ll only eat Purina One, the Chicken & Turkey flavor, because he’s been brainwashed into thinking that’s the One Edible Food by eee-vile marketing shills of Big Pussy. Don’t forget the bottled water. Your cat only drinks bottled water, right? All cats do. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/30 "2016-08-25T00:11:05Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > And Pellegrino spelt backwards is Onirgellep, who was one of the Elder Gods. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Onirgellep R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn, SHEEPLE! I swear, **Penfeather** , if you awaken the sheeple from their thousand-year slumber, so help me, I’ll…well, I’m not sure what I’ll do, but still. Keep it down, willya? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/31 "2016-08-25T00:36:08Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Onirgellep R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn What happens if you say that five times into a mirror? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/32 "2016-08-25T00:40:33Z")
Bloody Mary climbs out and tries to cut your throat with an ice-cold bottle of Poland Spring. :eek: Luckily, it doesn’t work very well. harmonicamoon, my cat has so far resisted corporate mind control in the water department. He preferrs drinking out of the fountain in the upstairs bathroom. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/33 "2016-08-25T00:47:14Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > Just remember, he’ll only eat Purina One, the Chicken & Turkey flavor, because he’s been brainwashed into thinking that’s the One Edible Food by eee-vile marketing shills of Big Pussy. This explains so much about cats. He might have a tiny point about Nutella. I do hate when foods deliberately market themselves as healthy when they freakin’ know better, but on the other hand, who the fuck seriously thinks chocolate flavored sugar hazelnut spread is healthy?\*\* \*\*Full disclosure: I hate hazelnut. \*\*\*Or do I??? Can we truly know what we like, after all? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/34 "2016-08-25T00:47:43Z")
AB is clearly suffering from the effects of walking past the mysterious derelict Grid Ball every day, plus not being able to sleep at night because of his neighbor’s yard lanterns. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/35 "2016-08-25T00:57:48Z")
Grid Ball? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/36 "2016-08-25T01:02:16Z")
[Grid Ball](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=678744) ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/37 "2016-08-25T01:03:33Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > [Grid Ball](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=678744) God that’s fucking creepy. I’d go mad walking past that thing too. ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/38 "2016-08-25T01:06:26Z")
Yeah, ka-reepy. I don’t feel like reading a 10 page thread right now so I’ll go with “steampunk disco ball” and call it a night. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/39 "2016-08-25T01:08:25Z")
he asked, they told him it was an art project and no, he could not take it home ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834/40 "2016-08-25T01:10:24Z")
Aww, that’s kind of anti-climactic. I kind of was hoping for something like Tiny Death Star. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amateur-barbarian-id-offer-you-a-hug-but-im-afraid-youd-call-me-a-corporate-shill-for-big-hug/763834.md?page=3)