# Amazing signs on stores **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 3, 2001, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273 "2001-05-03T23:36:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/41 "2001-05-04T18:25:32Z")
There was a place in the town where I went to college that had a sign advertising **“Liquor - Guns - Ammo”** … ‘cause, you know, you don’t want to have to drive all over the place getting liquor, guns, and ammo before you hop in the pickup to go huntin’ roadsigns. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/42 "2001-05-04T18:27:17Z")
> [@](#): > > On the sign for a jewelry store: “Beat the heat! Tennis bracelets $99” ?!?!?!? I’d say someone made the connection that diamonds=“ice”, ergo a diamond tennis braclet=a “cool” wrist. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/43 "2001-05-04T18:44:41Z")
Apopka, FL - BIG BASS MOTEL (yup, all caps) Guess which of the two "B"s gets vandalized… ---
**Author:** ![hazel-rah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/73ab20/32.png) [@hazel-rah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hazel-rah)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/44 "2001-05-04T21:59:18Z")
Going northbound on 71 between Columbus and Austin (we’re in Texas here) there is a sign for some restaurant that wants you to know they’re serving SEAFOOD - ALLIGATOR - MEXICAN Bloody cannibals. And then there’s A & R SEAFOOD - CHINESE HAMBURGER in downtown Houston which is all boarded up, no doubt from confusion. Or everybody’s going to the THIS IS IT SOUL FOOD place nearby. Somewhere in the South right off an interstate is a small strip mall with a gas station and three stores selling GUNS - LIQUOR - INSURANCE. In the middle of nowhere. Wish I’d taken a picture. -fh ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/45 "2001-05-04T22:30:03Z")
There’s a little deli/market type place around here called the “BAY HO.” I’m thinking that they meant it in a jaunty sea-faring way, as in “land ho,” but somehow that’s not the first thing that comes to mind. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/46 "2001-05-04T22:31:14Z")
Another one that just crossed my mind … Fort Collins, Colorado - **GUNS GUNS GUNS** It’s along an unincorporated “redneck row” – most development in Fort Fun is pretty high end, but Mulberry Drive – we’re looking at welding shops, mobile home and portable shed dealers, used car sales, country/western bars, body shops, that sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![trose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f9ae1b/32.png) [@trose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trose)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/47 "2001-05-04T22:48:09Z")
That reminds me. Is there still a place in Fort Collins called Glory To God Towing? It was there in the mid-80’s. We always called it Wrath Of God Wrecking. ---
**Author:** ![loislane138](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f19dbf/32.png) [@loislane138](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/loislane138)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/48 "2001-05-04T22:48:12Z")
I, too remember seeing a store sign reading “Taxadermy & Cheese” on America’s Funniest Home Video’s once. My hometown is a small rural community, and is FULL of crazy signs, well as the neighboring towns. A few notable ones that I remember: BOILD PEANUTS $3 HOT DOG’S AND GOLDFISH BOILED CRAWLFISH NUTERED HOUND FOR SALE NO ID! NO SELL! ---
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/49 "2001-05-04T23:10:41Z")
at a bait store/restaurant “Joe’s Restauarant”, or something like that, there is a sign that reads “Eat at Joe’s Get Worms!” I chuckle every time I see it, and one’s of these times, get a pic of it, too ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2001, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/50 "2001-05-04T23:42:12Z")
Sign on C store door: “Warning! For your Safety This store has video monitoring.” Now, if only the gubmint had the same truth in advertising. … ---
**Author:** ![YthDecay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/82dd89/32.png) [@YthDecay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YthDecay)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/51 "2001-05-05T01:18:49Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Mercutio:_ > Down here in L.A., the Santa Monica meat company’s slogan is “Nobody can beat our meat!” Missouri has a variation on this, “We have the meat you can’t beat!” I can’t help but giggle every time I see the sign… Again in Missouri, there is a combination Bridal Shop and Feed Store. I could never figure out what inspired these people to combine wedding paraphenalia and food for livestock, but I’d probably rather not understand the thought processes behind it. ---
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/52 "2001-05-05T03:01:15Z")
Signs at a college bookstore: On the awning: Students Bookstore On the door: Student Bookstore On the window: Student’s Bookstore Well, at least they got one of them right. ---
**Author:** ![kaiju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a587f6/32.png) [@kaiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaiju)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/53 "2001-05-05T04:27:30Z")
In the nearby town of Beaver Dam, they have a dry cleraners called BEAVER CLEANERS And this is more pitiful than funny, but our town has at least three misspelled signs: An ANTIQUE store with the N written backward THE PUTER MUG (with a long vowel line over the U so we can tell what they mean) and the winner— WHISTLEN’ JOES (because they know it needs an apostrope in somewhere) ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/54 "2001-05-05T05:24:24Z")
Here in NYC there’s a mini-chain of Dyke’s Lumber yards… ---
**Author:** ![muffinman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@muffinman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muffinman)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/55 "2001-05-05T05:45:24Z")
Condomology; Parking in Rear Woody’s opened right next door to Hooters. In Thomasville, GA the road from the nursing home to the funeral home is “Pallbearer way” ---
**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/56 "2001-05-05T13:22:36Z")
I’ve always been particularly creeped out by the Sherwin-Williams Paint Company signs. There’s a picture of a SWP bucket pouring blood-red paint all over a picture of the globe. And it says, **“COVER THE EARTH”**. Doesn’t that sound threatening? It might have been even a little bit less menacing if they’d chosen a less alarming color to **COVER THE EARTH** or if they’d softened up that motto ever so slightly. What’s wrong with “Cover Your World” or “Cover Your Hallway”? > **[Sherwin-Williams Paints, Stains, Supplies and Coating Solutions](https://www.sherwin-williams.com/)** > > No matter where you are in the world or what surfaces you're painting or coating, Sherwin-Williams provides innovative paint solutions that ensure your success. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/57 "2001-05-05T15:56:36Z")
[Signs I have seen](http://doorbell.net/tlr/signs.htm) and have the pictures to prove it. If you don’t get the “brat fry” reference, ask anyone from Wisconsin. ---
**Author:** ![ThreeLeggedBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThreeLeggedBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreeLeggedBob)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/58 "2001-05-05T19:48:45Z")
(At a video store) Tuesday is Senior Citizen Day! Rent One, Get One Free! ---
**Author:** ![DMC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dmc/32/18049_2.png) [@DMC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMC)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/59 "2001-05-05T20:34:20Z")
At the local Arby’s last fall: Now Hiring French Dip 2.49 The wage seemed a bit low, even for an intellectually-challenged European. ---
**Author:** ![Forbin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Forbin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Forbin)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/60 "2001-05-05T22:31:41Z")
San Jose radiator has the motto: The best place in town to take a leak. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273.md?page=4)