# Amazing signs on stores **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 3, 2001, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273 "2001-05-03T23:36:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/61 "2001-05-05T22:42:12Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ve always been particularly creeped out by the Sherwin-Williams Paint Company signs. There’s a picture of a SWP bucket pouring blood-red paint all over a picture of the globe. And it says, “COVER THE EARTH”. Doesn’t that sound threatening? It might have been even a little bit less menacing if they’d chosen a less alarming color to COVER THE EARTH or if they’d softened up that motto ever so slightly. What’s wrong with “Cover Your World” or “Cover Your Hallway”? When we were kids, riding in the family car, we often laughed at this emblem; we thought, before we could read, that it was not the earth being coated, but a potato! 😃 In the early 60s, _Mad_ Magazine suggested merging companies’ symbols if the companies merge. They illustrated this: Suppose Dutch Boy and Sherwin-Williams were to merge? Would the symbol now have the Dutch Boy being coated with “blood-red paint”? (Or Treasure Tones, manufactured by Bishop-Conklin: The sprite, or elf, or whatever he is…) ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/62 "2001-05-05T22:45:56Z")
In a book titled _Signs of the Times_ (or a seqiel), journalist Hamish Hamilton shows a sign at a service station in England: “WORN TYRES KILL [last word drawn to look like it’s made from skid marks]–BUY HERE!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2001, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/63 "2001-05-05T22:59:27Z")
A laundromat nearby has a sign near the dryers that states 7 1/2 minutes for 25 cents- No Pets Allowed. I can just see the cat spinning 'round. also- [http://www.thebunghole.com/history.htm](http://www.thebunghole.com/history.htm) and the “slow down, get ticket” sign near the entrance to the NJ Turnpike. It’s usually the opposite. ---
**Author:** ![City\_Gent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a87d85/32.png) [@City\_Gent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/City_Gent)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/64 "2001-05-06T04:48:31Z")
I enjoy S&M trucking here in California: “Deliver this load of chastity belts and ball gags to Chowchilla, pronto!” When **pldennison** and I were in our youths, we went through a phase of juvenile humor that lasted about six years. We used to drive past a place called “K & S Auto Body” in Painesville, Ohio and we always joked that the initials stood for Kock and Slit. It was funny when we were 13. Just yesterday, I got gas at the local Shell station. They had new signs painted on their windows for various automotive repair services, including “Break Job” for $59. I guess you have to ask ahead of time if you want them to return all the pieces. ---
**Author:** ![City\_Gent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a87d85/32.png) [@City\_Gent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/City_Gent)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/65 "2001-05-06T04:59:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dougie\_monty \* > \*\* > When we were kids, riding in the family car, we often laughed at this emblem; we thought, before we could read, that it was not the earth being coated, but a potato! \*\* In the same vein, my younger brother thought the man on the Michelin Tire sign was a warning to stay away because mummies were in the building. What’s with that guy anyway? Is he supposed to be made of rubber? Inflatable? ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/66 "2001-05-06T05:27:37Z")
Not exactly outside stores but these just irk me. Mens Mens’ Men’s I don’t know which are worstest. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/67 "2001-05-06T05:37:44Z")
A few I’ve seen over the years in East Tennessee: \*\*S&M Building Supply MINNOWS enjoy Sprite Gamble Auto Repair Bogus Auto Parts Adcock Prosthetics\*\* …and this one, I must explain, was on a signboard with removeable letters. It would not have worked, had it not been spaced thusly: \*\*NOW HIRING WAITRESSES ALL YOU CAN EAT 7.99\*\* Peace, TN\*hippie ---
**Author:** ![gadgetgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@gadgetgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gadgetgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/68 "2001-05-06T05:39:46Z")
The Aussies have an affinity for puns. I have seen many places with “punny” names (sorry, I had to) like: “Thai-tanic”, “Bow Thai”, “Thai Me Up” for (obviously) Thai restaurants. And there is a place that sells bed linens and stuff called “Holy Sheet”. And there is a company of movers called “Two Guys and a Truck”, nothing like truth in advertising. But when I was at University at ISU in Normal, Illinois I never got used to the Normal police, Normal Water, Normal Library, Normal Water, etc. ---
**Author:** ![PlanMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/2bfe46/32.png) [@PlanMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlanMan)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/69 "2001-05-06T05:43:49Z")
Between Gainesville (well, Waldo) and Ocala on US301, is a business with a sign “Motel - Taxidermy” now that’s an interesting combination. Not the place you’d want to try to sneak out on the bill. ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/70 "2001-05-06T05:50:30Z")
On a convenience store reader board: “We have worms” ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/71 "2001-05-06T06:41:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mauvaise \* > \*\*There is a store not too far from where I live that is one of those dual stores, you know, they offer two different services. The services? > > “Guns R Us / Postal Plus” > > :eek: \*\* I’ve shopped there and you can verify that I’m not “postal” ---
**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/72 "2001-05-06T13:15:56Z")
While traveling through Perryville, Arkansas, I happened to catch a hair salon with its name on the sign out front: **Curl-up and Dye** ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/73 "2001-05-06T13:58:37Z")
> [@](#): > > Curl Up & Dye Salon As seen in the Blues Brothers movie! In Fairfax, Virginia, two adjacent businesses produce: FRAN’S CAKE & CANDY CLEANERS Cake fell on the floor? Just hustle it down to Fran’s and they’ll wipe it off! ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/74 "2001-05-06T14:06:36Z")
I’ll never forget the Numero Uno in Westwood which read “NUMBERO UNO”. My smartassed friend assured me that the “B” was silent. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/75 "2001-05-06T14:21:44Z")
On signs across Northern Ontario: **Food Gas Worms** Radio ad for shotguns by Imperial Pawnshop of Massey, Ontario: **Buy now Use now Don’t pay for until hunting season** (Just wondering for what a shotgun might be used of outside of hunting season.) Business name in Toronto, Ontario: **Wing On Funeral Home** Business name in Sudbury, Ontario: \*\* Northern Erections\*\* My aunt’s innocent nickname: **BJ** My cousin’s innocent nickname: **Cunny** ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/76 "2001-05-06T14:39:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by YthDecay > \*Again in Missouri, there is a combination Bridal Shop and Feed Store. I could never figure out what inspired these people to combine wedding paraphenalia and food for livestock, but I’d probably rather not understand the thought processes behind it. Coud be astute marketing. Imagine a couple of friends driving past. Big Bertha says to Emaciated Eunice: “Hon, once you’ve married him, you can let yourself go.” ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2001, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273/77 "2001-05-06T16:31:14Z")
I have an _idea_ for a store. A furnishings place that sells nothing but curtains. Called “Its curtains for YOU” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amazing-signs-on-stores/64273.md?page=3)