# Ambiguous sentences **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 14, 2004, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855 "2004-12-14T21:02:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/21 "2004-12-15T17:04:03Z")
> [@snorlax](#): > > I vaguely remember an old SNL sketch in which the director of a nuclear power facility is giving a retirement speech and says something like: > > “Just remember one thing: you can never put too much water on the reactor.” This ought to be the canonical definition of an ambiguous sentence: _a sentence that can reasonably be interpreted in materially different ways._ (Ie: not something that makes sense one way and nonsense the other.) Ideally it should be: a) an instruction, order, or injunction (as above); b) interpretable in _mutually contradictory_ ways; c) demanding correct interpretation to prevent catastrophic loss of life and/or property. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/22 "2004-12-15T17:17:40Z")
“But where is the ambiguity? Over there, in a box.” ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/23 "2004-12-15T17:19:01Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > This ought to be the canonical definition of an ambiguous sentence: _a sentence that can reasonably be interpreted in materially different ways._ (Ie: not something that makes sense one way and nonsense the other.) > > Ideally it should be: > a) an instruction, order, or injunction (as above); > b) interpretable in _mutually contradictory_ ways; > c) demanding correct interpretation to prevent catastrophic loss of life and/or property. If I can pare this down to a couple of lines can I steal it for a sig? It’s a great philosophy! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Love](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Dr.Love](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Love)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/24 "2004-12-15T19:30:54Z")
I remember seeing a sign on the back of an ice-cream truck one day: Watch Children ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/25 "2004-12-15T22:32:12Z")
> [@NutMagnet](#): > > What about the disclaimer message on almost every video and a lot of tv movies? I can’t remember it exactly, but it’s something like: > > This film has been modified. It has been formatted to fit your screen. > > It’s purposely ambiguous, but I don’t know why they don’t just clarify what they did. The don’t want everyone to understand the reality that they chopped about 30% of the movie off at either end of the image so it would “properly” fit their TV screen. > [@Dr. Love](#): > > Watch Children Ah, just look at those adorable little ticklets! ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/26 "2004-12-15T23:41:16Z")
> [@](#): > > Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. There is no spoon. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/27 "2004-12-15T23:56:50Z")
Then there is always the problem with capitalization. One small mistake in the following sentence could be quite dramatic. I helped my uncle Jack off a horse. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/28 "2004-12-16T00:05:39Z")
> [@Shade](#): > > If I can pare this down to a couple of lines can I steal it for a sig? It’s a great philosophy! I don’t see how you possibly could, but be my guest. Just give me credit, please. ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/29 "2004-12-16T02:04:46Z")
Joke I heard once: A farmer is going to the big city for the first time. He walks past a hardware store and sees a sign in the window which says “CAST IRON SINKS.” “By jimminy,” he says, “everybody knows that!” ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/30 "2004-12-16T04:28:07Z")
People have already mentioned about the **Slow Children**. But it’s really our fault because we send them to a **Slow School**. * * * One of my favorite ambiguous sentences was from “Police Squad”. Ed: “We found the ransom note. We sent it to the lab. They want a million dollars.” Frank Drebin: Why does the lab want a million dollars? * * * Once I heard a news report stating that someone was “shot outside of a church.” Seems as if that Church was getting circus performers to climb into cannons and get blasted through a stained glass window. * * * ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/31 "2004-12-16T04:42:01Z")
> [@wolf\_meister](#): > > One of my favorite ambiguous sentences was from “Police Squad”. > Ed: “We found the ransom note. We sent it to the lab. They want a million dollars.” > Frank Drebin: Why does the lab want a million dollars? > > * * * Is this some kinda bust? Very nice, yes, but you’re under arrest. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/32 "2004-12-16T07:04:13Z")
A restaurant had a sign that read: HALF BROILED CHICKEN I went home to get my camera and then I returned to take a picture of it. By the time I went by the restaurant again the next day the sign had been changed to read BROILED HALF CHICKEN. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/33 "2004-12-16T12:37:41Z")
How about the sign at one of our local McDonald’s locations: PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY Um, what??? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/34 "2004-12-16T13:06:10Z")
As our copy machine repairman once said: You shoot a lot of blacks in here, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Genghis\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/45deac/32.png) [@Genghis\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genghis_Bob)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/35 "2004-12-16T13:11:31Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > There is no spoon. [And how!](http://www.cs.wright.edu/people/faculty/sthomas/nospoon.html) ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/36 "2004-12-16T14:09:39Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > As our copy machine repairman once said: You shoot a lot of blacks in here, don’t you? I don’t get it. What’s the _other_ meaning of “blacks”? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/37 "2004-12-16T14:15:42Z")
> [@fishbicycle](#): > > How about the sign at one of our local McDonald’s locations: > > PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY > > Um, what??? That’s for when they can’t fill the drive-thru customer’s order quickly enough and rather than back up the whole line on one big/custom/odd order, they ask you to pull up and wait in a particular spot just ahead of the window. That way people behind you with orders of one burger and one coke can get sent on their way, while another worker fixes up the specialty sandwiches and stuff for yours. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/38 "2004-12-16T14:32:23Z")
> [@Bruce\_Daddy](#): > > I don’t get it. What’s the _other_ meaning of “blacks”? Black people? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/39 "2004-12-16T14:50:25Z")
When I was young, I used to enjoy beating the carpets with my mother. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/40 "2004-12-16T17:54:25Z")
Job reference: You will be lucky to get this person to work for you. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855.md?page=3)