# Ambiguous sentences **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 14, 2004, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855 "2004-12-14T21:02:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/41 "2004-12-16T18:03:11Z")
> [@LeeshaJoy](#): > > Joke I heard once: > > A farmer is going to the big city for the first time. He walks past a hardware store and sees a sign in the window which says “CAST IRON SINKS.” > > “By jimminy,” he says, “everybody knows that!” 😃 Boy: Hey, cobbler, my stupid older brother says you make shoe leather out of cows, heh heh, I told him he’s crazy. Cobbler: Hide. Boy: Aww, I can deal with him. Cobbler: No, hide! Hide, the cow’s outside! Boy: So? Even if it’s true, _I’m_ not the one turning them into shoes! ---
**Author:** ![NutMagnet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@NutMagnet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutMagnet)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/42 "2004-12-16T18:13:44Z")
Originally Posted by NutMagnet > [@](#): > > What about the disclaimer message on almost every video and a lot of tv movies? I can’t remember it exactly, but it’s something like: > > This film has been modified. It has been formatted to fit your screen. > > It’s purposely ambiguous, but I don’t know why they don’t just clarify what they did. > [@gotpasswords](#): > > The(y) don’t want everyone to understand the reality that they chopped about 30% of the movie off at either end of the image so it would “properly” fit their TV screen. It’s actually doubly ambiguous. Is that the only modification or another thing they’ve performed? It’s either : _This film has been formatted to fit your screen._ or _This film has been modified and it has been formatted to fit your screen._ ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/43 "2004-12-16T18:38:14Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Black people? :smack: That’s the one I got. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/44 "2004-12-16T21:57:58Z")
> [@](#): > > don’t get it. What’s the other meaning of “blacks”? A term for a copy made without closing the “lid” of the copier. The entire sheet of copied paper comes out black. It wastes alot of toner and also deposits excess toner on various internal copier parts, which can get baked on and be a bitch to clean. Or so I’m told. ---
**Author:** ![Reno\_Nevada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Reno\_Nevada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reno_Nevada)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/45 "2004-12-16T23:20:32Z")
I would like to thank my parents, Ayn Rand and God. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/46 "2004-12-16T23:42:51Z")
Said once after one of my kids had done something ‘helpful’. I don’t deserve you, honey. (On the up side, even though young, he got the joke. It’s become a family tradition.) ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/47 "2004-12-16T23:47:48Z")
> [@LeeshaJoy](#): > > Joke I heard once: > > A farmer is going to the big city for the first time. He walks past a hardware store and sees a sign in the window which says “CAST IRON SINKS.” > > “By jimminy,” he says, “everybody knows that!” Similarly: Guy sees a sign on a building, saying: “CASEY’S TOOL WORKS”. His reply: “So does mine, but I don’t go around putting up signs about it.” ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2004, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/48 "2004-12-16T23:51:14Z")
Oh, I almost forgot: [Red Skelton] What’s for dinner… Mom? What’s that in the road… a head? [/Red Skelton] ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/49 "2004-12-17T00:12:36Z")
You will all be pleased to know that [Howard Goodall needs no Viagra](http://www.howardgoodall.co.uk/presenting/organsnu.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/50 "2004-12-17T03:21:13Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > You will all be pleased to know that [Howard Goodall needs no Viagra](http://www.howardgoodall.co.uk/presenting/organsnu.htm). Looks like someone’s working it in that picture. ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/51 "2004-12-17T03:59:26Z")
Who’s on first. ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/52 "2004-12-17T04:08:24Z")
At Souplantation, a restaurant where you pay one price, and get all-you-can-eat from the buffet: Please consume all food on the premises. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/53 "2004-12-17T04:25:06Z")
At the entrance to a building site locally: **Hard Hats Must Be Worn** What’s wrong with brand new ones? ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/54 "2004-12-18T02:26:35Z")
> [@hiebram](#): > > I was proofing my roommate’s paper last night, and one sentence of his got me to thinking. (I forget what it was now) After about a minute I had several generations of inbred thoughts, and the following set of sentences. > > I was talking with some friends the other day about ambiguous sentences. > One friend said they’re entertaining, in the right context. > Another friend said they’re annoying to find when editing someone else’s paper. > A third friend said they’re often a product of laziness. > I think they’re all right. > > I realize it’s extremely contrived, but I was entertained. And it doesn’t get much more MPSIMS than that. Man calls police dispatcher and says “A man’s been shot and has been bleeding badly. I think he’s dead.” Dispatcher: “Well can you make sure he’s dead before we send someone?” Guy: “Hold on.” Lays phone down. Dispatcher hears a gunshot over the phone. Guy picks up phone and says, “Yes, he’s dead.” ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/55 "2004-12-18T03:22:17Z")
A sign seen at my university, with no punctuation: No smoking food or drink in this room. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/56 "2004-12-18T05:17:52Z")
> [@Askance](#): > > At the entrance to a building site locally: **Hard Hats Must Be Worn** > > What’s wrong with brand new ones? You reminded me of a poem I once critiqued. In the verse, the writer mentioned “the men in the truck wearing hard hats”, and I felt duty-bound to point out that vehicles seldom don headgear. When I was about ten years old, I was reading a newspaper article about a college girl who had been selected to pose for _Playboy_. One sentence read: “She doesn’t miss her classes at State University.” I thought: “Great! Even though she’s busy traveling and signing autographs, she manages to work her promotional appearances around her studies.” Only later did the article make it clear that the Playmate had never looked back wistfully on her academic life after she had dropped out of college. ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/57 "2004-12-18T05:29:34Z")
More intentionally humorous ones: A writer receives an unsolicited manuscript from an amateur and sends a note in reply that says, “Thank you for sending me your book. I’ll waste no time in reading it.” There’s whole series of ambiguous statements supposedly for people writing job references for people they want to get rid of. For instance, “In my opinion, you will be very lucky to get Commasense to work for you.” [back from Googling] [Here](http://www.gray-area.org/Research/Ambig/#LIAR) are some more. And one of my favorites: an exchange from the BBC’s _Jeeves and Wooster_ series (which never appeared in any of Wodehouse’s books): Bertie (reading a book): Jeeves, I’m trying to improve myself. Jeeves: Such a thing seems hardly possible, sir! ---
**Author:** ![j\_sum1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@j\_sum1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_sum1)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/58 "2004-12-18T13:44:27Z")
Of course subtleties in punctuation can lead to ambiguities. This one is now rather famous but I like it. Dear John, I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours? Gloria. Dear John, I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Gloria. ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/59 "2004-12-18T22:19:20Z")
Years ago my friend and I were really bored so we decided to read through his little sister’s “Little Critter” novelization, just for laughs. In this junior novelization, Little Critter has grown up into a hip pre-teen and is now referred to as “LC.” At one point, he’s playing basketball, and a friend compliments him on his shots. The next sentence… _LC felt good about shooting himself._ had us in hysterics. Somehow, that’s how we immedietely interpreted it. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2004, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855/60 "2004-12-23T07:32:42Z")
“I’m not allowed in that store anymore…I still don’t understand—the sign _said_ ‘Throw Pillows’!” * * * When I lived in Joliet, there was a steakhouse which advertised EXCELLENT DINING DANCING COCKTAILS * * * In the book _The Last Picture Show_, by Larry McMurtry, there was a line describing Lois Farrow (Ellen Burstyn in the movie, mother to Jacy (Cybill Shepherd)) that wasn’t entirely clear to me. “She was the only woman in town who drank and made no bones about it.” Now, I’m fairly certain that what he meant was, there were other women who drank secretly, while she was the only one who drank openly. But since there were several references to church-lady types who preached the evils of alcohol, but no references to other women with hidden bottles, it could possibly mean that she was the only woman who drank liquor at all, in addition to being open about it. (Or maybe some of the temperance women thought sherry “didn’t count”; who knows.) On further reflection, the absence of a comma probably indicates the former interpretation. Still, it could have been more clear. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambiguous-sentences/279855.md?page=2)