# Ambivalid **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 10, 2015, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174 "2015-11-10T08:33:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/41 "2015-11-10T14:36:43Z")
BBF sounds like another Construct sock born to troll. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/42 "2015-11-10T14:38:15Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > For those who aren’t aware, Ambivalid recently created a “relationship breakup thread”. Yes, Yes, hardly original but whatever. Seems he arrived home after popping out for a few hours to find his lady had bailed on him, taking all her stuff without warning. So, why am I creating this thread? Normally I’d simply walk away and tell him to talk to the hand, but something got under my skin about this. There’s a really offensive double standard he’s currently using to manipulate an endless flood of empathy towards him. But it’s so subtle most punters here aren’t aware how he’s doing it. Now, before I go on, quite correctly, I was warned by a Moderator to stop psychoanalysing his posts, his motives, his conclusions etc etc. I was given an official warning, which I accept without question. I was warned my psychoanalysis was unwelcome, that I had nothing to contribute to the thread. Fair enough, dem’s da rules. > > But here’s the double standard. The very psychoanalysis which Ambivalid found so distasteful, so odious and repugnant during his period of loss and mourning, is precisely the same psychoanalysis which Ambivalid is now happily using to trash a seemingly lovely young lady, behind her back, who has no right of reply. And to that sir, I say this… you’re a fucken coward. You’re a sack of shit manipulative scumbag trashing a young lady who has no capacity whatsoever to defend her honour. And in my book that’s the definition of being a gutless man. Worse yet, you’re happily manipulating your fellow SDMB readers into enabling you to completely avoid the slightest admission she left you because you’re actually a self absorbed, psychologically abusive head fuck. > > But don’t take my word for it, let’s examine your own words. Here are some choice quotes from your opening post. > > Yeah well, in my book you’re 14 year old attention whore. > > Did you get that one folks, as he WALKED farther into his house? Turns out the dude’s in a wheelchair. And his blind sycophant supporters piled on me because I, the casual reader, was supposed to know this? He said he WALKED into his house for fuck’s sake. > > Ambivalid? What a croc of shit. A great relationship you say? Turns out you think your girlfriend is damaged goods. It turns out you’re even more batshit crazy yourself. > > You have no idea mate? Not one single teeny weeny little idea? You haven’t got the faintest idea what she was feeling? Totally blindsided you, did it? What an over-the-top dishonest crapfest your OP actually is. > > Oh your poor possum, such a mystery it is. Poor innocent you, clearly your only solution was to do something you’re not normally one to do, but you were left with no choice. You simply HAD to share this on the internet for all the world to see , so that you might solve this utterly unfathomable mystery. Yes, yes, we know… you didn’t want to. But you HAD to. > > And now, some choice quotes from later in his thread which portray just how fucked up this dude’s logic is… > > So Ambivalid, you still reckon you’ve got NO IDEA why a sweet pretty young lady (10 years younger than you without disability) had a gutfull of being your unpaid 24x7 personal carer? Presumably without a job, stranded 2000 miles from home, family, and her life network of friends? No new friends in real life, isolated on a permanent basis with YOU in your home? Without even so much as a car to get out of the house? And you’re in a wheel chair? You must be such a fucking catch mate, not to have ONE SINGLE IDEA why she bailed. OK, let’s run with that… > What the fuck? What planet do you live on? Has it ever occurred to you that your former girlfriend, unlike you, isn’t a fucking conflict junkie? > > Well fuck me? It must have been her mental well being? How could we have not seen this? It couldn’t possibly have been your behaviour, could it? > > Show some fucking balls mate. Do you have any manliness in you at all? She bailed on you because you’re a fucken nutcase, you’re 10 years older than her, you were screaming at her all the time, and you’re in a wheel chair. PLUS, she was your personal bit of tail, your personal 24 x 7 carer, you had her locked up in a house with no friends, family, or transport. She left because she’s not well? Keep telling yourself that mate, you gutless coward. > > Well of course you would, you’re the one in denial. How can you play the victim otherwise? > > So now the truth comes out. You’re a moody prick, you’re hard fucking work, and she was stuck in a house with you, without a car, no family or friends, 10 years younger than you, presumably a young lady with plenty of options, wondering to herself “How the fuck did I end up here?” > > Bottom line? She dumped you, good and proper, because she made a decision in her best interests. But are you man enough to admit that? Nooooo… far easier to fall back on Plan B. Time to start trashing her mercilessly… THAT will make you feel better, won’t it? > > This one’s gold… “But I loved her. We were close, had unbelievable chemistry, seemed to intuitively understand each other.” Followed by this, 24 hours later… “But, in hindsight now, I see that the relationship never really stood a chance in the long run.” And you know why you’re saying that? You’ve manipulated your audience into believing your girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder, and now that everyone’s agreeing with you, and offering stories on how unbearable it must have been for you, there’s no other choice. That’s the bullshit line you have to peddle now. > > It took YOU a while to come to terms with this? How about for one microscopic nanosecond, how about looking at this bullshit from a perspective other than your own? How about you consider how long it took HER to come to terms with your volatile temper, and all the other shit that came with being in a relationship with you? How about you stop trashing her character mericlessly behind her back, be a fucking man for once, and admit you fucked up? You really need to get a life. You’re putting way too much time and effort into this. Whether you’re just trolling Ambi or legitimately upset at him, your obsession with taking him down is pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/43 "2015-11-10T14:41:50Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Thank you for displaying your incredible ignorance and possible bigotry regarding disabilities, **Boo Boo Foo**. Somehow I’d missed it before (or anything notable from you as a poster), but now I’ll remember it next time I see your name pop up in a thread. Well, I won’t see his name again. Anyone that butt stupid doesn’t deserve equal time on my computer screen. **Ambi** for the evisceration. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/44 "2015-11-10T14:45:38Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > This is going well. I always think of [this.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=givJPBMt7e0) ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/45 "2015-11-10T14:46:45Z")
I’m not the type to pile on, nor will I be insulting you here, but I do have to agree with the general sentiment here that your responses in the other thread were extraordinarily tone deaf. Yes, **Ambivalid** can be rough around the edges, and frankly, I thought he was on his way to a banning not too long after he joined the board, he seemed to be a on one-man crusade to end even the slightest injustice, no matter how well-intentioned, against the handicapped, and he was rather belligerent, but he calmed down and has since become a contributing member of the board. Frankly, I’m sure anyone that witnessed those threads easily remembers that he’s in a wheel chair, but obviously, anyone not familiar with his posting history wouldn’t know that, so it didn’t even seem like he took it personally that people misunderstood his wording. But despite that he’s rough around the edges, I’ve been through a situation not all that different from what he’s going through now. Having been there, I can say that, in the grip of grief, one isn’t in a place to rationally evaluate the circumstances that led to the break-up. That’s like telling a kid learning to ride a bike that they took a turn too sharply and that’s why they fell… while the kid is still sitting there in pain with a bleeding gash on his elbow. So, that’s the mistake you made in that thread, trying to provide advice on what went wrong and on future relationships while he’s still reeling from a harsh end to the previous one. Further, yes, I agree that in almost every relationship, there’s blame to spread around. Chances are he missed warning signs. Chances are there are situations where he came off more intimidating or threatening than he thought he did. Chances are he said or did other things that affected her in ways he didn’t realize. But, again, having been there, in the early stages of grief, I too was completely blind to that sort of analysis. After I’d gotten through most of the grief, I was able to look back and realize what parts were my fault, where I’d missed red flags, and then I was able to learn what I can do to improve my contribution to future relationships and the types of behavior patterns in future potential girlfriends I should be on the lookout for and avoid. But the key point is, grief is NOT rational, and trying to apply a rational mind to it, only exacerbates the issue. Its inhuman to see another person in grief and then basically tell them to suck it up and experience REAL pain as you did with the whole “go biking thing”. Despite that some jumped on you about that he can’t because he’s paralyzed, I think the far greater misstep there is, just like you wouldn’t tell that kid crying over the gash on his elbow that he doesn’t know REAL pain until he’s been through some completely unrelated, though likely more painful, injury you’ve had. That said, by all means, if someone makes a thread moping about how they can’t get over their girlfriend they broke up with 3 months ago, maybe that’s a good time to tell them to suck it up, learn from their mistakes, and move on. But telling someone that the day after or whatever? Yeah… no. Just let him cope in whatever way he thinks will help him, and leave him alone. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/46 "2015-11-10T14:59:29Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > You really need to get a life. You’re putting way too much time and effort into this. Whether you’re just trolling Ambi or legitimately upset at him, your obsession with taking him down is pathetic. Did u really need to quote the entire OP? After scrolling past the whole damn thing on my phone I need to ice my index finger. :mad:😉 ---
**Author:** ![Randolph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Randolph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randolph)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/47 "2015-11-10T15:02:21Z")
Turns out **BBF** _was the girlfriend all along!_ ---
**Author:** ![Wilson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@Wilson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wilson)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/48 "2015-11-10T15:11:43Z")
> [@Randolph](#): > > Turns out **BBF** _was the girlfriend all along!_ More likely the girlfriend’s brother. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/49 "2015-11-10T15:15:03Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Yes, people in wheelchairs still say the word “walk”. Blind people talk in visual metaphors. Etc., etc. This is not an “ah-ha!” moment or startling revelation to most of us. I never knew this (the walking part, that is). So, you know, silver linings and all that. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/50 "2015-11-10T15:42:47Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > His credentials are based upon the long standing tradition of “takes one to know one”. [Agreed](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HgM0FOHhmTU/Un-jSYQy1kI/AAAAAAAAP_A/Dldsp4-3ncI/s1600/moran.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/51 "2015-11-10T15:51:12Z")
I think this is one of the very few times I’ve ever seen the consensus opinion among Pit denizens about an OP be “Holy crap dude, you need to get a life and let this go!” **BBF** , this is probably a clue. You might contemplate the ramifications of this response a little. You _won’t_, of course, but you should. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/52 "2015-11-10T15:54:22Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I never knew this (the walking part, that is). So, you know, silver linings and all that. A wheelchair rider friend of mine says that he writes/says “walked” instead of “rolled” lest some insensitive jackass accuse him of trolling for sympathy. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/53 "2015-11-10T15:56:34Z")
[thread responses] Me, too ! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_fun_ball/32/17664_2.png) [@Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Fun_Ball)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/54 "2015-11-10T15:59:16Z")
> [@AncientHumanoid](#): > > [thread responses] > > Me, too ! QFT! What the fuck is wrong with you (OP) man? You, **Boo Boo Foo** , are an asshole! ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/55 "2015-11-10T15:59:58Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > Yeah well, in my book you’re 14 year old attention whore. Oh my. Clearly, you weren’t around during **Ambivalid’s** first six months on this board. The mere fact that you apparently weren’t aware of his disability is testament to how much he’s chilled out since then. And so what if he’s talking smack about someone who’s not here to defend themselves? That’s the whole POINT of the Internet, isn’t it? Sounds to me like YOU are the one with unresolved issues, who’s blaming everyone else for the very same shit you refuse to acknowledge in yourself. (Although, come to think, that’s the whole point of the Internet, too…) ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/56 "2015-11-10T16:07:18Z")
I know that not everyone on the board is an Ambivalid fan. Not even me, generally. But in this case I think the consensus, majority, if not damn well nearly everyone, thinks you are the DICK in this situation. I’m sure that deep down there’s a psychological reason for your resentment here in this situation. Talk to your therapist, hopefully they’ll help you figure it out. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/57 "2015-11-10T16:18:01Z")
I have trolled and snarked on \*\*Ambivalid \*\*till he’s PM’d me[1] telling me to fuck off. And I STILL think \*\*BBF \*\*is the dick in this situation. [1] Actually Ambi, not Melbourne. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/58 "2015-11-10T16:24:16Z")
> [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > …which Ambivalid is now happily using to trash a seemingly lovely young lady, behind her back, who has no right of reply… He’s an anonymous person trashing someone who is completely anonymous. OMG, somewhere, there is a woman he doesn’t like. BFD. He’s not hurting anyone by venting here. > [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > …Did you get that one folks, as he WALKED farther into his house? Turns out the dude’s in a wheelchair. And his blind sycophant supporters piled on me because I, the casual reader, was supposed to know this? He said he WALKED into his house for fuck’s sake… Bozo, you obviously can’t read. I had never run into Ambivalid before. And yet, I knew he used a wheelchar. Because, you know, like 3 posts after he said “walked” someone asked him about it, and he replied. Similar to your blowing up at a guy because a third party sent you a PM with the guy’s name as a title. That was so bizarre I had to laugh. But let’s just say I don’t think you are the most reliable at understanding a situation. > [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](#): > > …So now the truth comes out. You’re a moody prick… He might be. I’ve never interacted with him before. Who cares. At that precise moment, he was grieving. Grieving people aren’t rational. They aren’t ready to analyse what they might have done differently. Hell, just the fact that he wrote about his anger management makes me think he will be working on improving himself. You, on the other hand, are just a jerk with little self-awareness. Or maybe you ARE actually the girlfriend’s brother, in which case I’ll give you a pass, just like I give Ambi a pass, for being to emotionally involved in the situation to be rational just now. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/59 "2015-11-10T16:25:04Z")
I would like to know more about why somebody called Melbourne would be sending Facebook messages about Ambivalid to a dick like Boo? ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2015, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174/60 "2015-11-10T16:29:36Z")
Has there ever been a thread about a personal relationship problem that didn’t turn into some form of a trainwreck here? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambivalid/737174.md?page=4)