# Ambushed by a Christmas carol **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2009, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506 "2009-12-08T20:53:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/21 "2009-12-10T17:12:41Z")
You aren’t using all the Dad superpowers. Try \*\*boredom through overexplanation \*\*: "Dad, what’s a virgin? " " A virgin is someone who has never had sex. The term can also be used to describe anything that is clean or unstained, or something that has never been used. For example, virgin white snow is snow no one has walked in, while a virgin wilderness is an area where no one has explored, and a virgin forest would have had no logging. What do you think extra virgin olive oil means? " “Um…the olives aren’t picked?” “no, try again” " The olives were from a forest that hadn’t been logged? " “Good thought, but it turns out to mean that its the first olive oil that comes out of the olive press, the olive squashing machine. Funny thing about olives, you can’t just eat them off the tree…” Conversation wanders off to horticulture. It’s helpful to take a deep breath at the beginning, so that there are no pauses. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/22 "2009-12-10T17:55:11Z")
Just answer the questions asked, and shut up. Then if they have more, they’ll ask. “Daddy, what’s a virgin?” “Someone who hasn’t had sex yet.” “Daddy, what’s sex?” Etc. Half of the time parents over explain when the kids just wanted a simple answer. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/23 "2009-12-10T18:16:15Z")
Sorry, dude, but I don’t think the questions are going to get any _easier_ than that one. Maybe you should look for a book for dads on how to talk to daughters about sex - I’m sure there is one. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/24 "2009-12-10T18:17:28Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > I do talk about it with them when necessary. Just because I’m embarrassed and uncomfortable doesn’t mean I won’t do it. It was the whole Christmas carol leading to questions that had me in a tizzy. Of course, I’m still dreading the moment during a football game when I’m asked “Daddy, what’s an erection, and have you ever had one lasting more than 4 hours?” Good on ya for manning up and doing what needs to be done. And I \*totally \*understand. My neices and nephews know I’ll answer any question, and seem to get major amusement out of the many shades of red I can get when embarressed. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/25 "2009-12-10T19:00:59Z")
Wait until you get to explain that Johnny isn’t marching home for the local PRIDE parade… Assuming that school kids still sing _When Johnny Comes Marching Home_, as we did when I was that age. ---
**Author:** ![Gesturing\_Mildly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/65b543/32.png) [@Gesturing\_Mildly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gesturing_Mildly)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/26 "2009-12-10T19:03:57Z")
Hehe. I asked my mom the same question, inspired by some sort of Christmas goings-on. Her reply told me all she ever wanted me to know: “A woman who isn’t married.” ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/27 "2009-12-10T19:59:40Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > I can always see better by the light of the Dawnser Lee. I personally prefer for someone to stand beside me and guide me through the night with a light from a bulb. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/28 "2009-12-10T20:57:25Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > Of course, I’m still dreading the moment during a football game when I’m asked “Daddy, what’s an erection, and have you ever had one lasting more than 4 hours?” > [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Well, have you? 😃 I’ve already got an answer planned for that one - “Do you remember the time mommie had to use crutches for week?” ---
**Author:** ![Translucent\_Daydream](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/translucent_daydream/32/16170_2.png) [@Translucent\_Daydream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Translucent_Daydream)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/29 "2009-12-10T21:17:44Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > You aren’t using all the Dad superpowers. Try \*\*boredom through overexplanation \*\*: > > "Dad, what’s a virgin? " > > " A virgin is someone who has never had sex. The term can also be used to describe anything that is clean or unstained, or something that has never been used. For example, virgin white snow is snow no one has walked in, while a virgin wilderness is an area where no one has explored, and a virgin forest would have had no logging. What do you think extra virgin olive oil means? " > > “Um…the olives aren’t picked?” > > “no, try again” > > " The olives were from a forest that hadn’t been logged? " > > “Good thought, but it turns out to mean that its the first olive oil that comes out of the olive press, the olive squashing machine. Funny thing about olives, you can’t just eat them off the tree…” > > Conversation wanders off to horticulture. It’s helpful to take a deep breath at the beginning, so that there are no pauses. For the win. This is perfect, you answer the question, and make sex a boring concept. ```auto / \/ ``` ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/30 "2009-12-10T21:34:34Z")
When I was a kid, I thought it was “round young virgin,” the “round” referring to the shape of her [pregnant] belly. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/31 "2009-12-10T21:39:03Z")
> [@](#): > > Funny thing about olives, you can’t just eat them off the tree You _can’t_? Ignorance: 1 Homie: 0 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/32 "2009-12-10T21:50:34Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > I can always see better by the light of the Dawnser Lee. Ah, fellow fans of Ramona Quimby? 😃 > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Sorry, dude, but I don’t think the questions are going to get any _easier_ than that one. Maybe you should look for a book for dads on how to talk to daughters about sex - I’m sure there is one. Yeah, I agree. I don’t get when adults get so flustered/freaked out by questions of sex. If they’re young enough to ask they won’t get embarrassed if you just tell them that a virgin is a person who hasn’t had sex. And if they don’t know about sex–why not? Is it going to rock a five or seven year old’s mind to know that a man’s penis gets hard and he puts it into a woman’s vagina and that’s how they have sex? ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/33 "2009-12-10T22:52:48Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Wait until you get to explain that Johnny isn’t marching home for the local PRIDE parade… “Who is Gay? And why is everyone feeling her?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/34 "2009-12-11T00:49:49Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > You _can’t_? > > Ignorance: 1 > Homie: 0 Here’s what Wikipedia says about [olives](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olive). > [@](#): > > Olives are a naturally bitter fruit that is typically subjected to fermentation or cured with lye or brine to make it more palatable. > > [snip] > > Freshly picked olive fruit is not palatable because it contains phenolic compounds and oleuropein, a glycoside which makes the fruit too bitter although not unhealthy. I had a friend in Santa Barbara who cured her own olives, which always impressed me, especially considering the proximity to Trader Joe’s. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/35 "2009-12-11T01:01:04Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Yeah, I agree. I don’t get when adults get so flustered/freaked out by questions of sex. If they’re young enough to ask they won’t get embarrassed if you just tell them that a virgin is a person who hasn’t had sex. And if they don’t know about sex–why not? Is it going to rock a five or seven year old’s mind to know that a man’s penis gets hard and he puts it into a woman’s vagina and that’s how they have sex? I started menstruating when I was 10. My mother handed me a booklet about this event (which was thoughtfully supplied by a sanitary napkin company)(back in those days, we didn’t HAVE mini and maxi pads, we had napkins which we fastened to elastic belts) and told me to wrap my used napkins in newspapers, not in toilet tissue, because we were going to throw the newspapers away anyway. During middle school (grades 7 and 8) I got it into my head that if a boy or man touched me when I was having my period, I could get pregnant. I was very careful to avoid any male’s touch during those times, as I’d heard a lot about unwed mothers (all bad), and I didn’t want to become one. You see, I’d read that the Virgin Mary had been “untouched by a man”, or something like that, and I thought that this meant a literal touch, not that she had not had sex. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/36 "2009-12-11T02:37:08Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Ah, fellow fans of Ramona Quimby? 😃 Actually this thread reminded me that it was a Ramona book where I learned the word varlet. As in ‘shut up varlet, yonder car approacheth, our noble mother cometh.’ At least I think that’s the line, it’s the only thing I could remember. I knew it was from a book I read as a kid but couldn’t think of what it was. Apologies to the OP for the hijacking, but that had bugged me for years. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/37 "2009-12-11T03:08:21Z")
> [@BigNik](#): > > They’ll learn _virginity_ by _doing_ it? > > Yeah… I guess that makes sense… Trust hundreds of teenage boys : the longer you practice virginity, the more keenly aware of it you become 😛 ---
**Author:** ![horsetech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dec6dc/32.png) [@horsetech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/horsetech)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/38 "2009-12-11T06:31:14Z")
Our Father who art in heaven, Harold be thy name. Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me. ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/39 "2009-12-11T12:24:47Z")
Gladly, the Cross-eyed Bear. Hail Mary Fuller Grace, Dolores Whitney… I love sex threads… ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2009, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506/40 "2009-12-11T13:55:00Z")
**Anaamika, Cat Whisperer, & Freudian Slit** , I’m glad that you are able to talk about sex with your kids without any embarassment or discomfort. I cannot. As I’ve said, I have and will answer their questions, but questions out of the blue (like those inspired by a religious Christmas carol) will still throw me for a few seconds. If my wife is around, I will still usually try to redirect the question to her, because (a) she isn’t embarrassed or uncomfortable, and (b) due to her being a nurse, I think she’s better equipped to answer such questions. Just like when my oldest was practicing her multiplication tables and discovered that (n+1)(n-1) = n[sup]2[/sup]-1 and asked my wife why, she punted that question right over to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ambushed-by-a-christmas-carol/520506.md?page=1)