# "America Speaking Out" Greatest Hits **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979 "2010-05-27T18:54:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/1 "2010-05-27T18:54:37Z")
Spun off the [“Stupid Republican idea of the day” thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=511831), particularly [this post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12504402#post12504402) et seq – a thread to preserve for posterity some of this classic commentary before it gets swept into the memory hole: > [@](#): > > [REPEAL the Laws of Thermodynamics.](http://www.americaspeakingout.com/questions/5198/repeal-the-laws-of-thermodynamics-they-re-basically-socialism-then-offer-an-quot-x-prize-quot-reward-of-one-million) They’re basically socialism. Then offer an “X-Prize” reward of ONE MILLION DOLLARS to the first company that can demonstrate a working perpetual motion machine that produces more energy than it consumes. Offer tax credits to companies that manufacture the device and consumers that buy and use it. > > [I think](http://www.americaspeakingout.com/questions/2062/i-think-everybody-who-gleefully-chanted-quot-drill-baby-drill-quot-should-have-to-go-to-the-gulf-and-clean-up-the-oil) everybody who gleefully chanted “drill baby drill” should have to go to the Gulf and clean up the oil spill…using their own hair. > > [we should](http://www.americaspeakingout.com/questions/4485/we-should-make-english-the-official-language-of-the-us-and-stop-spending-tax-dollars-on-translations-for-mexicans-if-en) make english the official language of the US and stop spending tax dollars on translations for mexicans! if english is good enough for baby jesus, its good enough for americans. > > [The Republicans](http://www.americaspeakingout.com/questions/3564/the-republicans-need-to-get-as-far-away-from-socialism-as-possible-therefor-they-need-to-shed-associations-with-one-of) need to get as far away from Socialism as possible. Therefor, they need to shed associations with one of the most socialist figures in our country: Jesus Christ! Yes, this man took from the rich and gave to the poor. He aided people who were in dire needs, instead of letting private enterprises do it. This man is Pure Evil and we will not tolerate the association of Republicans and Jesus Christ! Republicans may want to burn an effegy on a cross to send a signal to all of us American-loving, conservative voters of how they are now with us instead of against us! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/2 "2010-05-27T18:57:40Z")
My favorite: > [@](#): > > Allow harlots to practice their quim craft. God will judge. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/3 "2010-05-27T19:01:15Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s vital for America to create a Ministry of Silly Walks. People just aren’t walking silly enough. Too much foot-dragging and slouching. Silly walks will put the spring back into the step of all Americans. Springy Americans are Happy Americans. Happy Americans purchase goods and services. Purchasing stuff is how the economy grows! Clearly, a Ministry of Silly Walks would be a boon to America’s economy! Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/4 "2010-05-27T19:09:23Z")
There was a post on banning research into resonance cascades, but I can’t find it. (Search function is very SDMB-like. Totally non-functional.) ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/5 "2010-05-27T19:16:11Z")
Even aside from the trolling, it’s a poorly designed site. There’s no site map, much of the navigation is blind, the search function sucks, the voting hangs my browser and there’s no way (that I can find anyway) to find or monitor your own comments. Maybe they should have forgone the moon map technology and talked to somebody who can actually run a web forum. By the way, how could they possibly not have forseen that this is exactly what would happen? The second I saw the idea, I thought “that’s going to be troll central.” Has no one on Capitol Hill ever seen the internet before? ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/6 "2010-05-27T19:16:43Z")
The first idea that I found: > [@](#): > > pay all anglo women of childbearing age a stipend to sty at home and give birth to children. We are being outbred by so-called minorites and will free up lots of jobs taken by women who should stay at home. Just brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/7 "2010-05-27T19:18:32Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Maybe they should have forgone the moon map technology and talked to somebody who can actually run a web forum. No kidding. > [@](#): > > By the way, how could they possibly not have forseen that this is exactly what would happen? The second I saw the idea, I thought “that’s going to be troll central.” Has no one on Capitol Hill ever seen the internet before? “…the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It’s not a big truck. It’s a series of tubes. And if you don’t understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it’s going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.” This gives me an idea for [americaspeakingout.com](http://americaspeakingout.com)! ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/8 "2010-05-27T19:24:36Z")
As I noted on the other thread, the site now defaults to showing the “Most Interest” posts – but that merely replaces one problem (the site threatens 4chan’s title of “Troll Central”) with another (it seems that the Voice Of The People may not be quite what the Republican Party wants to hear). For instance, some of the front-page “Most Interest” posts under the [“Open Mic”](http://www.americaspeakingout.com/browse/questions/in/speak-out) miscellaneous category at the moment are as follows: > [@](#): > > Each year taxpayers foot the bill for a “war on drugs” that costs tens of billions of dollars, results in hundreds of thousands of arrests, and does absolutely nothing to solve the drug problem in this country. It’s time that we end the ineffective prohibition approach (just like we did with alcohol), and enact a new system of legalized regulation and taxation for drugs like marijuana. In addition to generating fiscal savings and new tax revenue for our economy, legalization will also improve public safety and national security by bankrupting the violent gangs and cartels who control the currently illegal market for drugs. > > Legalize and Tax Marijuana. The savings from the wasted resources used on fighting the war on Marijuana would be very large as well. Not to mention the many, mainly young minority, lives hurt by the current marijuana laws. We and the medical community know the plant is safer than alcohol. Let’s put the tax revenue and saved resources towards real problems. > > What happened to my Republican Party, the one I remember from my youth? Fiscal discipline, wariness about foreign entanglements and taxes but a sober commitment to the public good. I just don’t see it in today’s Republican Party with its courting of gun owners, anti-environmentalism, and the religious right. Forget the social issues, forget the divisiveness, put some intellectual heft behind the party in place of Beck, Palin, and Limbaugh. What you are gaining in frenzy you are losing in wisdom and leadership. The rest, however, provides a dose of the satirical trollishness we know and love: > [@](#): > > Stop “teaching” our children the atheist doctrine of heliocentrism. It contradicts the Bible. > > End the LIBERAL mith of EVOLUSION. My gran-dady aint no monkey > > Consensual love is just that; consensual. There is no reason to forbid two intelligent consenting entities from engaging in relations, logically, because legislating a victimless crime on the basis of morality is against the American way. Therefore, the government should stop misusing Animal Abuse laws to convict zoophiles and remove them from their animalistic loved ones. Consensual bestiality should not be illegal. No, I am not joking. Everything I’ve said is logically sound. > > Don’t you just hate it when you get ready for bed, and just when you begin to settle in under the nice comfy sheets and fluff your pillow you realize— you kinda have to go to the bathroom? > > all leaders should proclaim faith in Jesus Christ. anyone who does not, like muslims and atheists should be removed from office. > > STOP STEALING OUR WATER! I was watering my plant the other day and I noticed all the water disappeared! WHAT has the state of LIBERAL politics gotten to when your water is vanishing from everywhere!! Sometimes I go to the bathroom and there’s no toilet paper either, they should FIX that! ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/9 "2010-05-27T19:47:40Z")
I don’t think they are your average Republican supporters there: > [@](#): > > We need to keep God in the classrooms. He watches over all our children and we need to spoon feed them his love from a young age. Praise be to Thor! May his mighty hammer smite our enemies! > > Responses > > You and your false Norse gods! Thor indeed. Sekhmet, goddess of destruction and war will wreak her vengence on this heathen nation! > > Oh Mighty Zeus, please forgive him, as he know not what he do! > > Oh Flying Spaghetti Monster, please forgive them! > > May the random fluctuations in the space/time continuum have mercy on your electrical impulses. > > Is there room for Optimus Prime in the classroom? > > waht about Kernal Sanders? > > I hope you realize that this completely goes against the establishment clause of the first amendment to the constitution. Just saying. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/10 "2010-05-27T19:48:45Z")
Here’s another one I liked: > [@](#): > > The big tent is nearly empty; can we rent it for a Revival? ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/11 "2010-05-27T20:02:00Z")
This one, which I’m paraphrasing because I forgot to copy-and-paste it, gave me the proverbial _turn your guffaw into a cough so my boss doesn’t think I’m losing it_: ‘Mandatory abortions for all gays so they can’t keep getting each other pregnant and producing more gays.’ ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/12 "2010-05-27T20:19:10Z")
I think that site is a great boost for conservative values. It’s convinced me that there is a God. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/13 "2010-05-27T21:01:24Z")
\*Abortions send Babies to Jesus faster, Abortions for everyone! \* ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/14 "2010-05-27T21:03:45Z")
I’ll take one, please! ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/15 "2010-05-27T21:07:48Z")
[QUOTE] Aramaic as the Official Language of the US. We do this to respect two facts: this is a Christian Nation and Jesus spoke Aramaic, therefore, that should be our language as well. Anyone who refuses to speak the language of our Lord should be deported back to where they came from. This includes the Native Americans [QUOTE] I can’t decide if I think this one is a joke or not. Time was, a reference to “sending Native Americans back where they came from” would have pinged my humor meter, but these days… ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/16 "2010-05-27T21:24:35Z")
This is the best website ever. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/17 "2010-05-27T21:24:54Z")
One that I saw before, but can’t find again, so I’m writing from memory: > [@](#): > > Before a woman gets an abortion, she has to see a sonogram of the child, name the child, knit it booties, and make it a mix-tape. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/18 "2010-05-27T21:58:54Z")
Poe’s Law, show of hands. Are these sincere or trolls? [ul] [li]We should hold a Puritan Revolution. If the executive does not support it and tries to assert High Church Anglicanism (dangerously close to Catholicism) we should chop off his head. We should then enter a republican phase with a Lord Protector chosen from the godly community [/li][li]Pass a law making it legal to film, record, and photograph all government employees while they are doing their job. Make it a fireable offense to arrest a citizen for filming/recording/photographing law enforcement officers doing their job. [/li][li]We should stick to ideas originally in the CONSTITUTION: unregulated guns, strong laws against immigration, Jesus as Lord of the U.S. and A, and English as the only language allowed to be spoken. Good enough for the Constitution, good enough for me.[/li][li]Only married Christians should be allowed to have children.[/ul][/li] This one made me laugh out loud: Federal tax rebates for good Christian men who have had back surgery so that they can afford to pay handsome youths at airports to lift their luggage for them. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/19 "2010-05-27T22:19:16Z")
A few from [the “Ethics” topic](http://www.americaspeakingout.com/browse/questions/in/ethics): > [@](#): > > We should pass a law that makes politicians replace their flag pins with the logo of their corporate sponsors.. It would make it much easier to determine who they are really representing > > As a matter of ethics, we should ban sarah palin from ever being allowed to run for any public office, EVER! She’s a tax evader, a liar, a pillar of misinformation, a horrible mother, and a media grabbing, greedy, religious zealot, with ties to extremist groups such as Prayer Warriors. Her input into any political issue is only based on her self-serving agenda. Baggers, birthers and all other fanatics need to stop paying her to flap her ugly jaws. Then, maybe she’d go home to her poor feral children!!! > > Attach an electric dog collar to Glen Beck’s neck, and deliver a powerful shock every time he tries to associate health care to Fascist Germany. THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE SYSTEMATIC EXTERMINATION OF MILLIONS OF JEWS AND PROVIDING PEOPLE WITH AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE. > > We should permanently Rick Roll all members of Congress who prove to be highly incompetent at compromise on legislation. I wonder what this one is referring to: > [@](#): > > We should pass a law that makes it Illegal to use public money to setup a website that is not good for anything except gathering internet trolls. ---
**Author:** ![Jas09](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d07c76/32.png) [@Jas09](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jas09)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/20 "2010-05-27T22:28:50Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Poe’s Law, show of hands. Are these sincere or trolls? A fun game! My votes below… [QUOTE] [li]We should hold a Puritan Revolution. If the executive does not support it and tries to assert High Church Anglicanism (dangerously close to Catholicism) we should chop off his head. We should then enter a republican phase with a Lord Protector chosen from the godly community[/li][/QUOTE] Troll. Obviously a reference to the interregnum. [QUOTE] [li]Pass a law making it legal to film, record, and photograph all government employees while they are doing their job. Make it a fireable offense to arrest a citizen for filming/recording/photographing law enforcement officers doing their job.[/li][/QUOTE] This could be real… but probably not, as most conservatives are pro-LEO. The ones that are anti-LEO tend to be Libertarian in bent, and thus probably wouldn’t support allowing recordings, etc… [QUOTE] [li]We should stick to ideas originally in the CONSTITUTION: unregulated guns, strong laws against immigration, Jesus as Lord of the U.S. and A, and English as the only language allowed to be spoken. Good enough for the Constitution, good enough for me.[/li][/QUOTE] Obvious troll. The final line gives it away - a variation of “If English was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me”. [QUOTE] [li]Only married Christians should be allowed to have children.[/list][/li][/QUOTE] This could be a troll, but I’ve heard the exact same thing from people in all earnestness… Poe’s law rides again. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979.md?page=2)