# "America Speaking Out" Greatest Hits **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979 "2010-05-27T18:54:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BunnyTVS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BunnyTVS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyTVS)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/21 "2010-05-28T00:08:15Z")
> [@original post](#): > > All law abiding citizens, even in New York City, and Chicago, have the right to bear arms. No government, city, state, or federal has the right to take that away. This needs to be put in print AGAIN Nothing _too_ unusual so far… > [@reply](#): > > Why only law abiding citizens? Let the free market decide. Criminals are a large potential market. So are the mentally ill. Why can’t I open a gun store next to the parole office or the emergency mental health clinic? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/22 "2010-05-28T03:10:14Z")
A selection of my favorites from the hundreds that had me guffawing: We need our politicians to stand for conservative principles like small government. We can accomplish this by spending more than everyone in the world combined on our military, regulating people’s behavior in the bedroom, and imposing our religious beliefs on all Americans. A national lottery for choosing public office holders. Sheer chance couldn’t be worse than what we have now. I think stall doors should be made transparent in the congressional bathrooms to avoid confusion which could lead to wild eyed accusations of foot tapping behaviors. It’s bad enough that hairy Rahm Emanuel can get away with chesting our congressmen in the showers. Let us never forget that the founding fathers were a homogeneous group who never disagreed about anything, and that we should continually invoke them as such. The best way to strengthen the family is by mass plural marriage. When you take the purity pledge, does that include livestock? Nothing strengthens families like 2-part epoxy. Every American should be required to learn recent American history in school so that maybe in a generation or two we could actually learn from our mistakes instead of repeating them over and over again with the Bush family. Nowhere in the constitution does it say that zombies, vampires, gollums and misc. homunculi cannot vote. This needs to be addressed immediately before our nation is overrun by the legions of the undead. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/23 "2010-05-28T03:37:29Z")
> [@](#): > > eliminating minimum wage laws will allow companies to hire many more Americans for just a fraction of the price. If Mexicans can work for 2$ an hour, so can we. Troll or serious? ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/24 "2010-05-28T04:05:17Z")
At this point, I’m thinking yeah, most of the stuff are trolls. Trolls love this site, and the real GOPers don’t know how to use the Internet yet. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/25 "2010-05-28T04:16:48Z")
> [@](#): > > We should pass a law that makes politicians replace their flag pins with the logo of their corporate sponsors.. It would make it much easier to determine who they are really representing Actually, I kinda like that one. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/26 "2010-05-28T04:52:53Z")
It just keeps getting better and better. The current “Most Recent” selections in the “Open Mic” category: > [@](#): > > We should build a giant magnet to pull all the continents together so that we wouldn’t need ships to invade other countries. It would be like Pangea, but we could give it a better name like Reagangea. > > When will my herpes go away? I bet I got it from Nancy Pelosi!!! > > With respect to marijuana: the strength of this country lies in families and small businesses. Marijuana should be legalized, but only for family businesses, i.e. businesses where most of the employees and management are immediate family or first cousins. What we don’t need are large corporations moving in; let the prosperity from the crop stay with the foundation of America. And leave federal taxes off it – the states are badly burdened, too; let any taxes be on the state and local level, and no higher than for tobacco products. > > 9/11. > > We should end all cow abortions so we can have delicious stakes in Heaven AKA Ronald Reagan’s neighborhood. > > I feel.. like a rolling stone. Except I’m not moving, and i’m definitely not a stone. It’s probably Obama’s fault ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/27 "2010-05-28T05:03:07Z")
“Help, I’m Iraq!” ---
**Author:** ![Gustav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/28 "2010-05-28T08:52:37Z")
This might actually be pretty clever, since they can now point to this and say “look, we tried to do something contructive and the lefties came and sabotaged it”. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/29 "2010-05-28T09:35:23Z")
It’s “Mr Splashypants” syndrome all over again. Never ask the Internet for constructive input without HEAVY moderation in place. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/30 "2010-05-28T13:23:36Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s vital for America to create a Ministry of Silly Walks. People just aren’t walking silly enough. Too much foot-dragging and slouching. Silly walks will put the spring back into the step of all Americans. Springy Americans are Happy Americans. Happy Americans purchase goods and services. Purchasing stuff is how the economy grows! Clearly, a Ministry of Silly Walks would be a boon to America’s economy! I’m willing to pay a special tax for this right now. Where do I sign up? I’m ony half kidding. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/31 "2010-05-28T14:24:53Z")
I think we’ve got the makings of a solid political platform here: > [@](#): > > I would like to see a river of fire built between the US and Mexico. I would also like level 12 mages to guard the border just in case. > [@](#): > > We need to introduce our way of life to all of the world. The people in Africa look awful skinny in the pictures I’ve seen. We should open some McDonalds over there. > [@](#): > > How about not using my tax dollars for things like this. > [@](#): > > let’s take away all of the guns from everyone and build a giant robot that has thousands and thousands of guns that will be fired and reloaded automatically by mechanical parts > [@](#): > > There needs to be more yelling. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Hamsandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4bbf92/32.png) [@Darth\_Hamsandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Hamsandwich)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/32 "2010-05-28T15:24:49Z")
I was QUITE content with just re-watching the Trololo Cat until the the kind folks here at SDMB pointed to this wonderful site. I HEARTILY salute you! This one made me smile: > [@](#): > > Institute prayer in public schools. Make students bow down to Cthulu, the All Powerful, at the beginning of each school day. God may have put you into this world, but by golly, Cthulu is going to take you out of it! ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Hamsandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4bbf92/32.png) [@Darth\_Hamsandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Hamsandwich)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/33 "2010-05-28T15:35:22Z")
A couple more: > [@](#): > > Gay people make me feel funny, like when I was on the school wrestling team. Arrest them please. > [@](#): > > Ban Twilight. Jesus knows vampires have fangs and don’t sparkle. You can’t lie to Jesus. > [@](#): > > PEDOPHILES ARE AN EVER GROWING TO OUR CHILDREN, SO I WAS THINKING THAT WE SHOULD CAPTURE ALL PEDOPHILES AND PUT THEM IN CAMPS WITH FREE-ROAMING BEARS. PEDO-BEARS IF YOU WILL. IT WOULD SEND A STRONG MESSAGE TO PEOPLE: DON’T BE A PEDOPHILE. > [@](#): > > Only straight people should be able to mess up adopted children! > [@](#): > > I was going to say that we should stop daylight savings time because every time it comes around I’m confused for MONTHS. But what we should REALLY do is just standardize all American Time, so there aren’t different zones. That way, I could call my brother in Louisiana in the early evening and not worry about him already being asleep because its two hours later there. > [@](#): > > Forget our border with Mexico, what about our border with Rusia? Govurnur Palin could see those ruskies coming from her house years ago but we HAVENT done a THING about it. Theyve gotta almost be hear by now! Lets git em. > [@](#): > > No one respects the law anymore because there are no punishments. Children are denied whippings and criminals are set free because their D&A doesn’t have matches. You should set 1 day/month aside for spanking the wicked. Televise it with Rep Patrick McHenry doing the honors. Give him a spatula with little, raised Reagan faces on it so it leaves Gipper welts on the perp’s butt. Put McHenry in a gladiator. He’d like it and it’d scare potential sinners. Man, this could go on for DAYS. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/34 "2010-05-28T15:42:50Z")
They have to run out of material sometime, don’t they? I mean, how long can internet trolls keep going? ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/35 "2010-05-28T15:45:21Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > They have to run out of material sometime, don’t they? I mean, how long can internet trolls keep going? Well, we’re up to like 30 years or more now if we count old text BBS. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/36 "2010-05-28T15:46:50Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > They have to run out of material sometime, don’t they? I mean, how long can internet trolls keep going? I plan to never quit. EVER. Although for some reason I can no longer log onto my account. Oh no! They’re on to me!!! What’ll I do!?! :eek: ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Hamsandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4bbf92/32.png) [@Darth\_Hamsandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Hamsandwich)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/37 "2010-05-28T15:55:33Z")
Ok, one more and I’ll stop: > [@](#): > > Ban ranch dressing. It’s the devil’s saliva. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/38 "2010-05-28T16:30:22Z")
> [@Knorf](#): > > I plan to never quit. EVER. > > Although for some reason I can no longer log onto my account. > > Oh no! They’re on to me!!! What’ll I do!?! :eek: ☹ Here’s in interesting question: since this site is operated under public funds, and is supposedly for the public, does banning users for trolling violate the first amendment? ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/39 "2010-05-28T16:51:33Z")
Dammit, I can’t register as a Canadian! (Yeah, I can put in a fake ZIP code (like probably most of the users on there did - hmmm, any ZIP codes with a population of 0?), but I’d rather just complain that they’re prejudiced against Canadians.) And I wanted to put: > [@](#): > > Make all sex illegal except the missionary position between a married man and woman and see if it would be identified as a troll or not … ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979/40 "2010-05-28T16:58:25Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > Here’s in interesting question: since this site is operated under public funds,… Is it publicly funded? I thought this was a Republican Party deal. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/america-speaking-out-greatest-hits/540979.md?page=3)