# American guys: if you need a little cash for Christmas, and you qualify...

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-guys-if-you-need-a-little-cash-for-christmas-and-you-qualify/45388>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [December 13, 2000, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-guys-if-you-need-a-little-cash-for-christmas-and-you-qualify/45388 "2000-12-13T19:08:43Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Fillet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/2acd7d/32.png) [@Fillet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fillet)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2000, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-guys-if-you-need-a-little-cash-for-christmas-and-you-qualify/45388/1 "2000-12-13T19:08:43Z")

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… you can help address the shortage of U.S. sperm for export. $50 dollars a vial, not too shabby. 😃

[read the story](http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/WolfFiles/wolffiles139.html)

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**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2000, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-guys-if-you-need-a-little-cash-for-christmas-and-you-qualify/45388/2 "2000-12-13T19:44:09Z")

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How funny. The link takes us to “The Wolf Files”, with the article written by Buck Wolf. _My long lost brother!!!_

Hell, bro, the least I can do is contribute to the cause.

:: picturing various naked Doper chicks ::

Whackawhackawhackawhackawhackawhackawhacka  
Fwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwap  
Splortch, splurg, splutter splutter. Drip.

Ahhhh. 5 CCs, ready for export. Now pay up.

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**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2000, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-guys-if-you-need-a-little-cash-for-christmas-and-you-qualify/45388/3 "2000-12-13T19:51:27Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by Dire Wolf \*  
> \*\*  
> Whackawhackawhackawhackawhackawhackawhacka  
> Fwapfwapfwapfwapfwapfwap  
> Splortch, splurg, splutter splutter. Drip._\*

Er…uh… _Anyway…_

Though… a few of my best swimmers making me some xmas cash doesn’t sound too bad.

Here ya go sis! I got you a sweater with my spermies!!!

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**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2000, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-guys-if-you-need-a-little-cash-for-christmas-and-you-qualify/45388/4 "2000-12-13T19:52:47Z")

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During a financial squeeze in college, I thought about quick ways to raise money that wouldn’t involve taking a third job. Someone mentioned selling parts of my body. I then thought about:  
[ul][li]Selling plasma.[/li][li]Selling sperm.[/li][li]Bone marrow, twice a year.[/li][li]I can live with just one kidney.[/li][li]And a second lung is just a safety net.[/li][li]Ten yards or so of intestine could go, too.[/li][/ul]Then I shuddered. But it’d be pretty lucrative if I could get over the idea of little LNOs running all over the rest of the world …

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**Author:** ![JuanDeCuba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a87d85/32.png) [@JuanDeCuba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JuanDeCuba)\
**Post date:** [December 13, 2000, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-guys-if-you-need-a-little-cash-for-christmas-and-you-qualify/45388/5 "2000-12-13T22:56:25Z")

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According to that article, I’m an inch too short to be desireable ☹