# American Wife Swap. This makes me worried/sad/shocked.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [December 21, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036 "2004-12-21T20:19:34Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/1 "2004-12-21T20:19:34Z")
> [@](#):
>
> A chance to see one of the best episodes from the hit American version of Wife Swap. Melissa Reimers, the strict wife of a former US Navy lieutenant, swaps with Cindy Bittner, a bus driver with a much more relaxed attitude to parenting.
The show hasn’t finished yet but I am already horrified by the militaristic way one of the families ‘operates’. I feel sad for those children who are being brought up like robots. IANA Parent but I’m pretty sure you don’t bring up children like you bring up army recruits.
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### Author:  [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2004, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/2 "2004-12-21T20:41:24Z")
You must not watch “Maury Povitch”.
Are your kids:
“Out of control?”
“Dress too sexy?”
“Disrespectful?”
Maury will put them through boot camp for you.
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### Author:  [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2004, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/3 "2004-12-21T21:01:41Z")
Be sure not to tune in to Nanny 911 then… You’ll really weep for the future.
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### Author:  [@Greywolf73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greywolf73)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2004, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/4 "2004-12-21T22:56:57Z")
Ahh, yes. This is the infamous episode featuring the Reimer’s method of child discipline: a wooden paddle called “The Whacker”. This episode is truly disturbing and I felt so sorry for the Reimer’s kids.
Check out the Reimer’s [instruction manual](http://abc.go.com/primetime/wifeswap/manual_Reimer.html)
> [@](#):
>
> Children have to learn to obey. However, the children are allowed to appeal. For example, if Paul has asked one of the children to empty the trash, and on the way to do that, I ask them to unload the dishwasher, for them to obey me would be to disobey their Dad. So the solution is to say, “May I appeal?”, and I say, “Yes”. Then they explain to me that their Dad has asked them to do something. Because this is information I didn’t have before I can then re-evaluate what I have asked them to do.
:eek:
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### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2004, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/5 "2004-12-21T23:16:48Z")
> [@Greywolf73](#):
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > Children have to learn to obey. However, the children are allowed to appeal. For example, if Paul has asked one of the children to empty the trash, and on the way to do that, I ask them to unload the dishwasher, for them to obey me would be to disobey their Dad. So the solution is to say, “May I appeal?”, and I say, “Yes”. Then they explain to me that their Dad has asked them to do something. Because this is information I didn’t have before I can then re-evaluate what I have asked them to do.
>
> :eek:
Ditto. That seems like some kind of OCD. Clearly these people are insane, playing bringing up kids as if it’s some kind of 1984 nazi rollplaying game.
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### Author:  [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/6 "2004-12-22T03:00:13Z")
Was this the one with the five kids and the incredibly uptight drip of a husband?
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### Author:  [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/7 "2004-12-22T03:03:35Z")
:smack: Duh, I just looked at the link. Yes, I did see this one.
This was a clear example of two families at polar opposites: one really rigid and the other too loose. The Reimer Rules give me the creeps.
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### Author:  [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/8 "2004-12-22T03:36:34Z")
What, they can’t say, “Dad asked me to empty the trash”? They have to play some stupid game? That’s seriously messed up.
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### Author:  [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/9 "2004-12-22T03:43:55Z")
Holy crap. I just read that whole link. That’s so scary, that they would raise their kids like that. Homeschooled, too. Those poor kids are going to be a mess when they reach the real world. No wonder they never have play dates or go over to anyone else’s houses, they probably don’t have any social skills whatsoever.
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/10 "2004-12-22T04:40:08Z")
Oh, come on. Yes, they’re strict and way into discipline. However, there’s nothing here to suggest abuse. Just because these people choose to live their lives and raise their children in a way you would not, doesn’t make them weird or abusive or anything but different.
If you think these parents are abusive, I invite you to volunteer at a local emergency children’s shelter or home for abused women.
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### Author:  [@Mirror\_Image\_egamI\_rorriM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirror_Image_egamI_rorriM)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/11 "2004-12-22T04:44:52Z")
I didn’t say it was abusive. I said it was scary. Two different things.
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/12 "2004-12-22T04:57:53Z")
Okay, no, you didn’t say it was abusive. I’m an agnostic, meat-eating, inappropriate-TV-show-watching loose and casual type of parent, and I don’t see what’s so scary about this. Scary is my neighbor, who lets her children run around at all hours and do whatever they want. Scary is all the parents I know who give their kids Ramen noodles and hotdogs in place of nutritious meals. Scary is the 13, 14, and 15-year olds running loose after school and at night with absolutely no boundaries or adult supervision.
Come into the 'hood and get to know scary. These parents aren’t that bad, and I would bet cash money that most if not all of these children are going to grow up just fine.
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### Author:  [@Cerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerri)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/13 "2004-12-22T07:04:57Z")
Growing up in the Reimer house sounds like a special kind of hell.
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### Author:  [@Scoundrel\_Swanswater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scoundrel_Swanswater)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/14 "2004-12-22T11:57:42Z")
I thought it was heart-breaking that these kids were allowed to go to a school for a few days.
You could see them really warm up and start to act like kids.
But then the program was over and they had to be home-schooled again.
I just wanted to fly over and free these kids.
I think they are just as sad as lab-monkeys.
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### Author:  [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/15 "2004-12-22T12:46:26Z")
> [@trublmakr](#):
>
> Just because these people choose to live their lives and raise their children in a way you would not, doesn’t make them weird or abusive or anything but different.
I’m gonna have to disagree. I think the idea that your kids should have no freedom is pretty weird.
Come into the 'hood and get to know scary. These parents aren’t that bad, and I would bet cash money that most if not all of these children are going to grow up just fine.
[/QUOTE]
And if they end up being serial killers, they’ll be very efficient, mature serial killers. 😉
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/16 "2004-12-22T14:45:15Z")
> [@Mirror Image egamI rorriM](#):
>
> Holy crap. I just read that whole link. That’s so scary, that they would raise their kids like that. Homeschooled, too. Those poor kids are going to be a mess when they reach the real world. No wonder they never have play dates or go over to anyone else’s houses, they probably don’t have any social skills whatsoever.
I saw an episode of _Law & Order_ once and the dad was almost exactly the same-he was so rigid his daughters and his wife did NOTHING without consulting him, had no opinions outside of his. Everything was either, “Dad says, Dad thinks, Dad likes” or “Bill likes, Bill says, Bill wants.” Extremely creepy.
Some highlights from the “manual”:
> [@](#):
>
> We have a two-headed shower, so the boys will shower together and then the girls.
According to Melissa Reimers’s bio, her children are: Molly, 15, Coby, 13, Jordan, 11, Jay, 10 and Lucy, 8.
So at fifteen, Molly can’t even take her own shower? And Coby, Jordan and Jay all have to fucking share a shower?
> [@](#):
>
> Do you spend time without the children?
> We do not spend time without the children.
No time for ourselves, we must watch the kids 24/7 or they might actually THINK or ACT for themselves!
> [@](#):
>
> Friends Staying Over/Children Staying Over At Friends’:
> We would not let Molly stay over at a friend’s house if that friend has an older brother. It is inappropriate for a young woman to sleep in a house with young men in it. Molly is the only child who is ever invited to stay over at a friend’s house, and her friend also stays at our house. The other children do not have friends stay over.
Oh for the love of…!!! Jesus Christ, lady, you have a dirty mind!
> [@](#):
>
> Medication
> Three of our children were home births. For common ailments (sniffles, sore throats, etc.), we use herbal remedies or homeopathic remedies.
Homeopathic? I think that says it all.
From her bio:
> [@](#):
>
> Melissa home-schools her children to keep them pure and protect them from negative outside influences
The whole “keep them pure” and “negative outside influences” sounds incredibly anal. They’re not trying to bring their children up to be mature, fully-functioning adults, they want them to be little Stepford robots.
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### Author:  [@Scoundrel\_Swanswater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scoundrel_Swanswater)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/17 "2004-12-22T15:55:59Z")
I really felt that these people need to have their children taken away.
I wouldn’t let them raise a frigging dog.
The terrible thing was that these were really sweet kids, who just weren’t allowed to be kids.
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### Author:  [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/18 "2004-12-22T18:47:11Z")
I worry that children raised in a strictly regulated environment will have adjustment problems, but probably no more than kids raised without rules. Most of us find a niche, don’t we?
Wife Swap and Trading Spouses are fascinating. How often do we get to see how other people really live? We’re all so different. Some more different than others, I admit.
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### Author:  [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/19 "2004-12-22T20:02:36Z")
> [@trublmakr](#):
>
> Come into the 'hood and get to know scary. These parents aren’t that bad, and I would bet cash money that most if not all of these children are going to grow up just fine.
On what do you base that idea?
There’s got to be a Logical Fallacy named for this…just because one thing; neglect, is bad, therefore it’s opposite; insane overcontrol, must be good? Hardly.
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### Author:  [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2004, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/american-wife-swap-this-makes-me-worried-sad-shocked/281036/20 "2004-12-22T20:11:12Z")
You have to admit, this part of the “manual” is pretty funny, though:
Quote:
“Paul does not really care for animals, but the dogs respect Paul as the master of the house and will sit as he passes them with the hope he will pet them.”
Probably everyone in the house does that, though.
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