# Americans prefer sons over daughters **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 24, 2011, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749 "2011-06-24T18:58:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/41 "2011-06-28T17:54:26Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > Even if you get the gender you wanted, there’s no guarantee that the kid’s mental gender is going to match their physical gender, or that they’re going to have the sexual orientation you expect. Gay, lesbian, bi, and transgender people do exist, and do have parents, just like everybody else. Quite true. I remember relaying to some family what I wrote above, about how shocked I had been to find out I was having a boy but the degree to which I could not imagine our lives without that boy. My husband’s aunt said, “Yes, and I always thought I had two boys…imagine my surprise!” (My husband’s cousin had gender reassignment surgery a few years ago and is female). > [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > She was always, _always_ on my case to dress more “femininely” when I was a teenager. I grew up to work in computing and spend most of my time wearing polo shirts or T-shirts. I really doubt this is what she expected when she heard “it’s a girl” for the first time. For a while it was really hard for me not to have a girl who dressed girly. But I’m now 10000% glad that I don’t have to worry about belly shirts or skimpy halters or crazy sexy Hallowe’en costumes. As long as my girl’s outfit reflects the formal/informal nature of an event, it doesn’t matter what it is. Her current favorite dressy-occastion outfit invloves an oxford shirt and one of the 3 ties that she owns. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/42 "2011-06-28T17:56:53Z")
I think a lot of fathers prefer sons because they don’t relate so well to their daughters. While mothers have an easier time relating to their sons, so they’re more ambivalent. What a lot of mothers and fathers don’t fully appreciate is the old adage that “a son is a son till he finds a wife; a daughter’s a daughter for all of her life”. This seems to be true, more or less, from my experience. The ones who keep in closer contact in later years - and certainly the ones who are available to take care of elderly feeble parents - are overwhelmingly daughters. If you were only going to have one child, that should be a major factor, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/43 "2011-06-28T18:08:05Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > This has been hinted at in some posts, but I think there’s a widespread perception that boys are easier to raise and I wonder how much of a factor that is. Yeah, that seems to be the perception, and I wonder if there’s any truth to it, or if that’s another one of those silly gender rumors that manages to be pervasive without having much or any validity. I know anecdotally, I was far easier to raise than my shitheel brother, but I am just one person and he just one shitheel. I know if I ever decided that I was tired of sleep, money, or not having my tits mashed up by a hungry baby, I’d prefer a girl. I dunno, just because I generally like girls more than boys. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/44 "2011-06-28T19:05:24Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yeah, that seems to be the perception, and I wonder if there’s any truth to it, or if that’s another one of those silly gender rumors that manages to be pervasive without having much or any validity. I know anecdotally, I was far easier to raise than my shitheel brother, but I am just one person and he just one shitheel. My mom has said many times that if my brother had been her oldest child she never would have had a second. Considering I had colic when I was a baby that is saying something! ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/45 "2011-06-28T19:47:09Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > Yep. It’s like the old proverb says: “If you have a boy, you have to worry about one boy. If you have a girl, you have to worry about all boys.” I’ve heard this put more crudely (but funnier, I think): When you have a boy, you only have to worry about one penis. When you have a girl, you have to worry about all of them. I’m not planning on having children, but if I were, I’d prefer a girl, no question. (Heh. Now I sound a bit like The Most Interesting Man. But I’m a ladytype.) ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/46 "2011-06-28T23:31:21Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > Americans prefer sons over daughters Guy here. Preferred daughters over sons, but that was because my family was all boys and I didn’t know how miserable girls could be. Easier to shop for, though: My Little Pony in 1989, My Little Pony in 2011. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/47 "2011-06-29T01:55:29Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Guy here. Preferred daughters over sons, but that was because my family was all boys and I didn’t know how miserable girls could be. Easier to shop for, though: My Little Pony in 1989, My Little Pony in 2011. [Don’t be so sure](http://www.equestriadaily.com/), 90% of internet MLP: FiM fans are male ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/48 "2011-06-29T04:36:31Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I think a lot of fathers prefer sons because they don’t relate so well to their daughters. While mothers have an easier time relating to their sons, so they’re more ambivalent. Shrug, SiL was completely freaked out at the notion of having a boy because she thought they’d never be able to relate as “boys don’t like clothes!” (both her son and her daughter are clotheshorses like she is); Mom wanted sons, yet is fine with having one daughter because it’s women who are supposed to take care of the previous generation (both sides) and it’s easier to run roughshod over your daughter than your daughter-in-law; Aunt M wanted a mix of genders and personalities but had only three sons (and two stillborn daughters, :(); Aunt L should never have had kids, wanted boys, mistreated her son horribly (he looks like Daddy Dearest, the git she divorced); Granny L should never have had kids, wanted daughters because she hates all men except her husband, had three daughters… The rationalizations people stick behind the gender preference are a neverending source of amazement to me, but they all seem to stem from the notion that your children will match your mental image of them - good luck with that one. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/49 "2011-06-29T04:42:54Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > [Don’t be so sure](http://www.equestriadaily.com/), 90% of internet MLP: FiM fans are male And, as children of mine should be expected to, my daughters laugh at Bronies while they download cross stitch patterns of Rainbow Dash. (looking at that) I really need a job if it will only get me out of this hipster hen house. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/50 "2011-06-29T06:17:41Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That’s not too surprising. We’ve come a long way, but we aren’t there yet. I don’t think we’ll ever be “there”, nor would I want to be. Men and women, males and females, boys and girls are different, and expecting every metric related to gender to be totally symmetric in the name of equality is unreasonable and artificial. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/51 "2011-06-29T09:55:53Z")
> [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](#): > > “Passing on the family name” is also more likely with a boy. I have never understood why people give a fuck about that kind of stuff ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/52 "2011-06-29T13:53:32Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yeah, that seems to be the perception, and I wonder if there’s any truth to it, or if that’s another one of those silly gender rumors that manages to be pervasive without having much or any validity. If it’s worth anything, I think this perception is absurdly baseless. Males are more likely to wind up in jail (last time I checked, juvenile detention isn’t exactly overrun with girls). They are more likely to drop out of school and they’re more likely to engage in reckless behaviors (like drug abuse) that puts them and other people in danger. They are also more likely to get in physical altercations that end up costing them their lives. I fail to see why a daughter running off with a lecher is somehow scarier than a son falling into the pitfalls that commonly ruin men’s lives. Not only that, but women are [more](http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/14/whos-taking-care-of-your-mother/) likely than men to care for their elderly parents. So by every metric I can think of, daughters objectively are a better investment than sons in our society. This leads me to think that this preference towards boys simply reflects the pro-male bias that still influences how perceive the sexes. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/53 "2011-06-29T14:02:46Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > And, as children of mine should be expected to, my daughters laugh at Bronies while they download cross stitch patterns of Rainbow Dash. (looking at that) I really need a job if it will only get me out of this hipster hen house. 😉 This is where the ambiguities of the English language start to be a problem. Whose downloading the cross-stitch patterns the bronies or your daughters? If you mean the bronies, then some of them get up to a lot worse than that. Google cupcakes MLP and [you’ll find probably the most horrific fan-fic for an animated childrens show ever, it’s safe for work](http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/02/story-cupcakes.html), but best read on an empty stomach. The worst thing is, the episode which came out the week after involves the same character going explosively and stalkerishly insane. :eek: Anyway, to stop this being too much of a highjack, I’ll add my 2 cents. Some more traditional Chinese families do obsess about continueing the family name. They prioritise sons and I’ve had one girl tell me her parents insist on her marrying someone with their surname. The thing I find strange though, is that most Chinese share a surname with tens of millions of people. Choice’ing away a daughter because they fear Chen or Wang will die out is not sensible (in my eyes). I think Surani’s reason is more likely to be true. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/54 "2011-06-29T14:57:53Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > I have never understood why people give a fuck about that kind of stuff Someday I’m going to die. Someday I’ll cease to exist and the world will soon forget that I was ever alive. I’m uncomfortable with that thought. I’m uncomfortable with the idea that no matter what influence I have on the world, it could eventually fade away. Hell, I could be President of the United States and people could still say “[Who?](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chester_A._Arthur)” My only hope of avoiding this terrible situation is to have kids. I need to effectively clone myself so that I can live forever. Step 1: Make a biological replicate. Step 2: Teach him to be like me. Step 3: Teach him to repeat this for eternity. You know how people talk of the dead living on in our memories? Well this is the most sure-fire way to make that happen. _That’s_ why people give a fuck about that kind of stuff. > [@Namkcalb](#): > > [Don’t be so sure](http://www.equestriadaily.com/), 90% of internet MLP: FiM fans are male 90% of internet _anything_ is male. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/55 "2011-06-29T15:20:55Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > Yep. It’s like the old proverb says: “If you have a boy, you have to worry about one boy. If you have a girl, you have to worry about all boys.” Yeah, I and my rambunctious brothers were raised by my grandparents. I once heard my grandmother sigh, “At least you’re not girls.” I think because at least we wouldn’t get pregnant. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/56 "2011-06-29T15:46:44Z")
I think the biggest boys vs. girls thing as a parent (aside from the pregnancy risk which, believe me, in this day of DNA testing and mandatory child support and the decision about abortion being solely the woman’s, is NOT without worry if you’re the mother of a son!) is that boys’ bad behavior tends to occur outside the home, while girls’ bad behavior is inside the home, and relentlessly draining. As early as 4 years old, my daughter (and my friend’s daughters) really started pushing boundaries and testing parental authority and giving you the kind of sass talk one would associate with teenagers. That’s an every day slog as a parent, and it is hard. The boys, we’ve had no problems with until they’re preteens, and then it’s homework stuff and school stuff and petty vandalism - all problems, to be sure, but problems that have off time, or are handled by authority figures outside the home as well as in. Yes, there are more boys than girls in juvie. But there are more parents of girls dealing with, “I HATE YOU!!!” and temper tantrums 16 hours a day, I’d warrant. Now, I wouldn’t say it’s a hard and fast rule (one of my brothers (who has a personality disorder) was much harder than the other brother or I), but a lot of years of observation do seem to bear it out as a tendency. ---
**Author:** ![storyguide3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@storyguide3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/storyguide3)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/57 "2011-06-29T16:15:38Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Someday I’m going to die. Someday I’ll cease to exist and the world will soon forget that I was ever alive. I’m uncomfortable with that thought. I’m uncomfortable with the idea that no matter what influence I have on the world, it could eventually fade away. Hell, I could be President of the United States and people could still say “[Who?](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chester_A._Arthur)” > > My only hope of avoiding this terrible situation is to have kids. I need to effectively clone myself so that I can live forever. Step 1: Make a biological replicate. Step 2: Teach him to be like me. Step 3: Teach him to repeat this for eternity. You know how people talk of the dead living on in our memories? Well this is the most sure-fire way to make that happen. > > _That’s_ why people give a fuck about that kind of stuff. I think **SanVito** was referring to actually passing on the name, as in the surname. Will future generations of you progeny forget you and your works if they do not share the same surname. Are daughters that fickle? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/58 "2011-06-29T16:40:30Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > IYes, there are more boys than girls in juvie. But there are more parents of girls dealing with, “I HATE YOU!!!” and temper tantrums 16 hours a day, I’d warrant. Most sites (like [this](http://www.nasponline.org/resources/behavior/tantrums_ho.aspx) one) I’ve come across say that the frequency of tantrums doesn’t differ between boys and girls. There’s also[evidence](http://clinicallypsyched.com/male-toddler-temper-tantrum-developmental-child-psychology/) that tantruming boys with are more likely to react negatively to parental punishment than are their female counterparts. So once again I have to wonder where are these perceptions are coming from. In my experience, girls are more likely to seek their parent’s approval, while boys are more likely to do whatever they want and ask for forgiveness later. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/59 "2011-06-29T16:51:29Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > My mom has said many times that if my brother had been her oldest child she never would have had a second. Considering I had colic when I was a baby that is saying something! I (female) am the first child in my family and my brother is the second – my mother has said the same thing. I was much easier to raise then he was, and now as adults, I’m much closer to my parents than he is. He only sees them when he absolutely must, and he will almost surely be absent when they get sick enough or old enough to need care. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749/60 "2011-06-29T17:02:11Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Most sites (like [this](http://www.nasponline.org/resources/behavior/tantrums_ho.aspx) one) I’ve come across say that the frequency of tantrums doesn’t differ between boys and girls. There’s also[evidence](http://clinicallypsyched.com/male-toddler-temper-tantrum-developmental-child-psychology/) that tantruming boys with are more likely to react negatively to parental punishment than are their female counterparts. My fault for creative wording. I wasn’t actually referring to traditional toddler/preschool temper tantrums, but the negative attitude, whining and huffing-with-crossed-arms-and-an-eyeroll thing that seems (isn’t really, but seems) neverending from age 4-17 in many girls. > [@](#): > > So once again I have to wonder where are these perceptions are coming from. As I said, from observation and stories parents tell each other, that’s it. Which is where, I think, most people get their parenting perceptions from, not from studies. I wouldn’t really be all that surprised to find out that there’s not actually a statistical difference, but people don’t base perceptions on statistics, but on confirmation bias and shared experiences. > [@](#): > > In my experience, girls are more likely to seek their parent’s approval, while boys are more likely to do whatever they want and ask for forgiveness later. Now that, I do agree with. Which is part of what makes parenting my daughter so maddening to me. She’ll be a perfect brat, and then when she senses she’s pushing me too far and I might really sell her to the circus this time, she’ll tell me how much she loves me and wants to cuddle, or she’ll bring me a drawing or something she made so I’ll praise it. My son truly, deeply cares about my approval, but he won’t ever say he wants it or act in a way to make it seem like he wants it. And those differences, truly, I think are both personality and socialization. As far as we’ve come with women’s liberation, we still don’t teach our boys it’s okay to ask for affection or approval. Believe me, I tried, but he still got the message from the culture as a whole that it’s Not Okay. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters/586749.md?page=4)