# Amusing spam. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 17, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227 "2003-09-17T21:59:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/1 "2003-09-17T21:59:12Z")
With the new spam filters around the spammers are having to get creative to get through, and don’t really know what they are saying, which amuses me as I am very bored. Today I got a message that had a proven method to increase my gonad to 8-10 inches. My immediate thoughts were: A.Only one of them? That’s going to look really lopsided, you think they could find a proven way to grow both of them. B. In how many dimensions, is my gonad going to be long and skinny, or a big 8 inch ball. C. I would have to get all new underwear, probably custom made. Not to mention, will my scrotum adjust automatically, or do I need extra surgery, cause I don’t think there is an extra 8-10 inches of room now. As intiguing as having an 8-10 inch testicle would be, Ultimately, I’m not sure I see much of a benefit to having an 8-10 inch gonad at all. Sure the novelty would be interesting for a while, but it seems like it would just become anoying very quickly, So I have decided not to pursue the opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![dangergene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@dangergene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangergene)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/2 "2003-09-18T01:02:52Z")
I received an interesting spam last week from a chap looking for an interdimensional warp drive. He informed me he was from the future, and needed circuit diagrams for the warp drive, or failing that, a Braun writs-mounted warp generator (did I “have one of those lying around?”) so that he could return to his own, unspecified, time. The mail was ultimately a mailing list creator (“please don’t respond to this address, it will bounce. Reply to me at …@…, so that I can correspond with you”) where you respond and the spammers can collect a list of -active- addresses instead of a list of random, but possibly dead, email addresses. I’m guessing this is a more valuable commodity in the shady world of email address list sales (?). Nonetheless it was very amusing and highly inventive. The only thing that told me it was spam and not a joke from one of my friends was the “xsfghocbu” thing after the subject heading. Don’t the spammers realise a string of idiot characters is the biggest clue to spam? Or am I missing something in the translation? ---
**Author:** ![Kyomara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Kyomara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyomara)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/3 "2003-09-18T02:51:04Z")
YOU FOOL!!! NOW ZORGON SHALL NEVER BE ABLE TO RETURN TO THE FUTURE AND BATTLE THE KORNAKSS!! THE UNIVERSE IS DOOOOOOOOMED!!! ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/4 "2003-09-18T02:59:10Z")
Not amusing spam, but an amusing website: [http://www.rathergood.com/independent\_woman/](http://www.rathergood.com/independent_woman/) ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/5 "2003-09-18T03:00:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dangergene \* > **I received an interesting spam last week from a chap looking for an interdimensional warp drive.** [Here](http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,60141,00.html) is an article about Robby Todino, the 22-year-old Massachusetts resident dubbed the “Time-Travel Spammer”. ---
**Author:** ![dangergene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@dangergene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangergene)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/6 "2003-09-18T04:43:54Z")
Geez! That’s just sad! I’ve often wondered what sort of life these spammers must lead! I think one of the most amusing, revenge-laiden stories was the spammer in NZ whose identity was discovered and made public. Many of his spam-victims reverse-spammed him (is that a word?) with email, phone calls and all sorts of abuse. I feel a little sorry for the guy cos he has young kids and he became worriedc for their safety after several threats of violence, but he doesn’t seem to have considered his actions at any point, nor what sort of hotwater it could put him in. I’m sorry, I don’t have a cite for that story right now, I may have read it here on the SMDB. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/7 "2003-09-18T05:46:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dangergene \* > \*\*I think one of the most amusing, revenge-laiden stories was the spammer in NZ whose identity was discovered and made public. Many of his spam-victims reverse-spammed him (is that a word?) with email, phone calls and all sorts of abuse. \*\* [Here](http://www.computercops.biz/article2773.html) is an article about the man, who says he has gotten out of the spamming game. ---
**Author:** ![Apos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/8 "2003-09-18T06:05:16Z")
Just a few seconds ago, I got this: The Antidote Kills all known deadly viruses and bacteria in the body This will cure any common cold / flu. Extremely helps maligant diseases cancer, hiv, sars, etc… A disease must be made DORMANT to stop infection and this new product will make it do so! NEW REVOLUTIONARY CURE CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE WE ARE THE ONLY COMPANY WITH RIGHTS TO SELL THIS PRODUCT. ALL major drug companies are trying to get the rights to sell this. WE ARE THE FIRST to extract this wonderfull new product, and only us. NO MORE once in a lifetime offers w8 hNXCX Here’s the website it points to: [WEBSITE LINK DELETED BY BOARD MODERATOR] The original link had a “refferer” in the addy, meaning that it was probably rewarding someone for getting me to click on the link in their spam. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/9 "2003-09-18T07:45:30Z")
I like the PEP spam messages that are along the lines of … **HAVE WOMEN RUNNING AWAY IN HORROR AT THE SIGHT OF YOUR 18" HORSE COCK!** Uhhh … I thought the whole idea of enlarging your unit was to attract more women. Guess not. elmwood (only two more inches to go!) ---
**Author:** ![Kyomara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Kyomara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyomara)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/10 "2003-09-18T09:46:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elmwood \* > **HAVE WOMEN RUNNING AWAY IN HORROR AT THE SIGHT OF YOUR 18" HORSE COCK!** I don’t get it. Who wants to get an 18" horse cock in the mail. Gross. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/11 "2003-09-18T12:23:41Z")
\<\< I feel a little sorry for the guy cos he has young kids and he became worriedc for their safety after several threats of violence, but he doesn’t seem to have considered his actions at any point, nor what sort of hotwater it could put him in. \>\> I feel sorry for those **kids** , having a father who pays no attention to the consequences of his actions. PS - There’s a very fine line here, but let’s not be providing links to the sites that spam-mail is asking your to click to. One of those links was to an amusing picture, which I guess is OK, but the other is to an order-by-email site that makes me uneasy (hence, was deleted.) I may be over-reacting, but I don’t like the idea of clicking on links provided in spam mail, and thus I don’t like the idea of providing those links on the Boards. Fair enough? ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/12 "2003-09-18T13:18:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kyomara \* > \*\*I don’t get it. Who wants to get an 18" horse cock in the mail. > > Gross. \*\* Can I have that thing mounted on my hat? I could use it to scare off solicitors. ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/13 "2003-09-18T16:20:10Z")
What, in the name of Cecil, are you doing _reading_ spam? Have you really got nothing better to do??? ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/14 "2003-09-18T18:49:57Z")
I get “FREE DEGREE CERTIFICATE NOW!! NO EXAMS!!!” spam to my Cambridge Univerity email account. It seems kind of redundant. ---
**Author:** ![Apos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/15 "2003-09-19T02:25:40Z")
[/quote] I may be over-reacting, but I don’t like the idea of clicking on links provided in spam mail, and thus I don’t like the idea of providing those links on the Boards. Fair enough? [/quote] No, it’s TOO fair! 🙂 Just a note of record: I did remove the “refferer” thing that was being used to pay off the spammer. My reason for including the link was because I thought it was a bunch of amazingly ridiculous nonsense that deserved ridicule, not because I thought anyone was going to buy the magical mystery cure for AIDS, cancer, and every other disease all at once. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![edwino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@edwino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwino)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2003, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/16 "2003-09-19T04:30:34Z")
I’ve now gotten the same spam 2 or 3 times, and it is so ludicrous that I am tempted to click on the site. I’m dumb enough to read the spam, but not dumb enough to click on the site. I suppose that is the point – anything to get you to go to the website, who cares about living up to the expectations in the spam. It did have me laughing though, at its sheer audacity. Anyway, it says something like go to our web site where you will find the best products: 1. Heroin, crystal and liquid form. 2. Cocaine, pure Colombian. Order 9 grams, get the 10th for free. 3. Tomohawk missiles (serious inquiries only) 4. Air-to-Air missiles (available only in batches of 10) 5. Gay sex slaves. Exclusive service! 6. The best child porn on the net. 7. Fake currency. This week’s special, order 30 grams heroin and get 5 grams free. Free 2 CD child porn with every purchase. I mean really. Either it is a sting done in the most moronic way possible, or a spammer just looking for hits. I especially like the retail flourishes (Exclusive service, buy 30g get 5g free!, batches of ten, serious inquiries only!) Anybody else seen this one? ---
**Author:** ![Apos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2003, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/17 "2003-09-19T05:12:47Z")
I really hate the “banned cd” guy, because his email starts off by claiming that he’s some rebel who’s still selling his cd in the face of people who say he is contributing to the moral decay of society. ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2003, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/18 "2003-09-19T06:46:16Z")
Maybe I’m missing something by just skimming the message titles? 🙂 Funniest thing I got was an “increase your penis size” message AND an “increase your breast size” message, right next to each other, from the SAME SENDER. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2003, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/19 "2003-09-19T11:28:13Z")
I once had a korean company try to sell me stainless steel sushi manufacturing machines. I’ve also been targetted for bulk grain advertisements. Keep in mind that my company is most certainly **not** involved in food manufacturing… ---
**Author:** ![fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizzygoodmakefeelnice)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2003, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227/20 "2003-09-19T12:54:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by edwino \* > \*\* > Anyway, it says something like go to our web site where you will find the best products: > > 1. Heroin, crystal and liquid form. > 2. Cocaine, pure Colombian. Order 9 grams, get the 10th for free. > 3. Tomohawk missiles (serious inquiries only) > 4. Air-to-Air missiles (available only in batches of 10) > 5. Gay sex slaves. Exclusive service! > 6. The best child porn on the net. > 7. Fake currency. > > This week’s special, order 30 grams heroin and get 5 grams free. Free 2 CD child porn with every purchase. > \*\* It’s not for real. It’s [apparently](http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/outrage/darkprofits.asp) a disgruntled ex-member of a message board’s attempt at revenge. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/amusing-spam/202227.md?page=2)