# An almost porn moment at the Doctors office today. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 26, 2013, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758 "2013-09-26T22:23:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/41 "2013-09-27T07:52:37Z")
Next time you go in, try putting some porn music on your smart phone, and then hit the appropriate button when the genital exam begins.\* Maybe they’ll take the hint and get in the mood themselves! ♫ _Duh-duh-duh-dum! THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP! Duh-duh-duh-DUH-duh-duh-dum! THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP! Doooooooooooooo-doodley-dooooooooo-dooooooooo! Duh-duh-duh-dum!_ ♫ \*I would have liked to have seen Howard try this on _ **BBT** _ sometime… 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/42 "2013-09-27T09:40:25Z")
> [@simster](#): > > your cat made you change doctors? > > what a bitchy little puss. Typical me. Trying to make things more clear and just make it worse instead. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/43 "2013-09-27T11:02:57Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > At least have a guy nurse in there instead of the hot one. That way it will make it more weird for the patient, thus less likely he’ll get an erection. Depends on the patient, really. Different strokes for different folks. There are probably guys out there who would get and erection if a doctor in a squirrel suit threatened to inject their penis with a foot-long needle, though admittedly they’re probably a very small minority. Although post #2 is accurate: good news! His penis works! ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/44 "2013-09-27T11:03:51Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > This is secondhand, but one year my family doctor was doing physical exams of high school students going out for varsity sports. She was surprised at the way most of the guys got hard-ons, which from her tone of voice she clearly found quite annoying more than anything else. But your doctor \*told \*you this? What the hell? ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/45 "2013-09-27T11:28:18Z")
> [@pendgwen](#): > > If I’m doing a genital exam it’s because the patient has pain, discharge or some other genital problem. Which I would imagine makes one less likely to become aroused. Speak for yourself… ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/46 "2013-09-27T12:49:09Z")
It wasn’t a near-porn moment, but I scheduled my annual physical with my regular doctor (male). When I showed up it turned out that he was out sick, so one of the other doctors in his practice took me, and it just so happens that she is very attractive. We went through all the normal stuff, then she said, “OK, roll on your left side and pull your knees to your chest. You know, I’m sure you’d rather have me do this than Joe.” Pause, as I wondered where she was going with that- “Because my fingers are thinner”, and she laughed. And then she stuck one up my ass. It was only marginally less unpleasant than when he does it. And no, I wasn’t anywhere close to getting aroused. When I got home and told my wife that I saw her instead of my regular GP, she said “I bet the rectal was a lot more enjoyable than when he does it.” ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/47 "2013-09-27T13:15:47Z")
I have an attractive family doctor, and theres some attractive nurses in the place, but generally when the doctor is touching Big Jim and the Twins it’s because there’s something wrong. When I’m waiting for her to say something like ‘yup surgery’ I’m not really in the mood. ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/48 "2013-09-27T13:29:57Z")
A couple of years ago, I developed a nice case of epididymitis. My regular PCP was busy, so I had to see his PA. She’s very nice, but, well, quite large and unattractive. Think [Rebel Wilson](http://i1.wp.com/amradaronline.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/rebel_wilson_bra640.jpg?fit=1000%2C1000), only not as cute.:eek: And larger. And wheezing. Getting up out of a chair is a chore for her, and makes her breathe like I do when I carry a bag of concrete mix up the stairs. She’s got her stethoscope out and listening to my chest, while gasping like she just ran a 100 yard dash. How she hears anything, I don’t know. She asks the reason for today’s visit, even though I’ve told 3 people in the office so far, and it’s on her clipboard.:rolleyes: I tell her I’ve brought her a case of epididymitis, and I am very sorry for doing so.😃 She just said “It happens.” and began her exam. No tumescence was forthcoming that day… or the next. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/49 "2013-09-27T13:36:12Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > Typical me. Trying to make things more clear and just make it worse instead. so - ‘exactly what you’d expect’ ? ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/50 "2013-09-27T13:40:19Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I’ve recently got a new female doctor. She’s a fairly attractive woman. I went in today for a physical. > > In the room with me, as she’s telling me to drop trough is a nurse. A top heavy, over the fucking top gorgeous nurse! > > As the Doc is touching my man bits, it happened, I started to chub up. Now I want to jump off a fucking bridge. > I get that this is perfectly normal and doctors see this all the time; but come on man! Two attractive women telling an unsuspecting dude to basically get naked in front of them?! I never stood a chance! > > At least have a guy nurse in there instead of the hot one. That way it will make it more weird for the patient, thus less likely he’ll get an erection. > > Geez! Lucky! All I get when I go to the doctor is a forty-something Korean-American male doctor who seems as displeased to be feeling my junk and sticking his finger places as I am to have him doing it. ---
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/51 "2013-09-27T14:28:51Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > BTW, you really DO NOT want to know what’s done when a man has “an erection lasting longer than 4 hours”. Sure I do! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/52 "2013-09-27T15:02:18Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > BTW, you really DO NOT want to know what’s done when a man has “an erection lasting longer than 4 hours”. [Lumberjack](http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp09262013.shtml) ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/53 "2013-09-27T15:30:08Z")
I was sitting in the chair, naked from the waste down, waiting for the doc to arrive for the exam. It must’ve been a good 30 minutes for me repeating over and over “Don’t get a boner, don’t get a boner, don’t get a boner.” It wasn’t so much that the doc was a hottie, but I do understand that men just often get them for no reason, and I was doing my best to make sure it wasn’t going to happen to me at that moment. For the record, the more you think about your penis and and erections, even if it’s in a “don’t get one” kind of way, the more likely you are to get one. And wouldn’t you know it, the minute the doc arrives I’m sporting a good one. “I’m glad you’re happy to see me,” says the doc. “Most people hate their dentist.” ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/54 "2013-09-27T19:02:53Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > “I’m glad you’re happy to see me,” says the doc. “Most people hate their dentist.” I laughed. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/55 "2013-09-27T19:05:02Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Well, there are no board rules against having an inflated ego sir. 😃 > Anyway, think god for Obamacare. I finally got a woman to touch my manly bits. That’s Madam\*, to you, sir! 😃 Only because I’m an old lady, not because I have a stable of high-priced ASSociates. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/56 "2013-09-27T22:56:19Z")
Back when I worked at the hospital, one of the residents told me that her 8-year-old daughter thought she wanted to be a doctor too, “until she found out that doctors have to stick their fingers up people’s butts.” My niece was then 8 years old and also wanted to be a doctor (don’t know if she still does) and we all agreed that she could wait a while before finding that out. 😃 I could also see this woman coming her and her daughter saying, “Mommy, did you have to stick your finger up anyone’s butt today?” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/57 "2013-09-28T00:36:48Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Then he turned on the lights and immediately checked my blood pressure and pulse. Which were elevated somewhat. Surprise. well, goodness gracious me! ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/58 "2013-09-28T00:50:13Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I’ve recently got a new female doctor. She’s a fairly attractive woman. I went in today for a physical. > > In the room with me, as she’s telling me to drop trough is a nurse. A top heavy, over the fucking top gorgeous nurse! > > As the Doc is touching my man bits, it happened, I started to chub up. Now I want to jump off a fucking bridge. > I get that this is perfectly normal and doctors see this all the time; but come on man! Two attractive women telling an unsuspecting dude to basically get naked in front of them?! I never stood a chance! > > At least have a guy nurse in there instead of the hot one. That way it will make it more weird for the patient, thus less likely he’ll get an erection. > > Geez! Here I thought you were going to say somebody delivered a pizza. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/59 "2013-09-28T00:57:12Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > well, goodness gracious me! Women don’t have as obvious signs that something’s going on. Especially during neurology exams 😃 I was sitting there going “must breathe normally, must be cool” during this face-to-face in the dark moment and suddenly “and now let’s check your blood pressure.” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![aNewLeaf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@aNewLeaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aNewLeaf)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758/60 "2013-09-28T01:01:11Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I could also see this woman coming her and her daughter saying, “Mommy, did you have to stick your finger up anyone’s butt today?” :smack: “Not have to, I _get to_ put my finger in peoples’ butts. It’s a privilege to serve people. And their butts.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-almost-porn-moment-at-the-doctors-office-today/669758.md?page=4)