# An annual reminder for all you moms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 17, 2013, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534 "2013-12-17T06:14:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Silvorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Silvorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silvorange)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/101 "2013-12-18T22:41:07Z")
Today is my birthday. My husband has trouble thinking of presents for me, even though I think I am easy to shop for (the hard part is that I tend to buy what I want, but I like all kinds of stuff, and I love surprises). The other day, I was looking at a pair of $15 earrings that I have considered buying several times, but always passed on because they seemed just a hair too frivolous. I knew Mr. Silvorange was having trouble with gift ideas, so I sent him a picture of the earrings with the message “I resist these earrings every time I go to World Market.” What did I get for my birthday? Nothing, because he couldn’t think of anything. ---
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/102 "2013-12-18T22:48:48Z")
Um… If I got a message saying “I resist these earrings every time I go to World Market”, I may wonder why makes them so resistible (as opposed to irresistible) instead of thinking you really, really wanted it. A better message may have been to say “It is hard to resist these earrings every time I go to World Market, but I’ve managed so far”. ---
**Author:** ![Silvorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Silvorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silvorange)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/103 "2013-12-18T22:58:44Z")
> [@ISiddiqui](#): > > Um… If I got a message saying “I resist these earrings every time I go to World Market”, I may wonder why makes them so resistible (as opposed to irresistible) instead of thinking you really, really wanted it. A better message may have been to say “It is hard to resist these earrings every time I go to World Market, but I’ve managed so far”. You might take it that way, but you haven’t known me for almost 17 years. When I pointed the message out to him, he was like :smack:. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/104 "2013-12-18T23:15:42Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > In exchange, once a year he has to actually go out and find a gift while showing that he has paid some attention in the past 30 years to my taste and hobbies. That doesn’t sound like unreasonable expectations on a life partner. I’m more concerned with the other 364 days of the year. If we’re cool there, I can give a bye the other day. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/105 "2013-12-18T23:19:13Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > I’m more concerned with the other 364 days of the year. If we’re cool there, I can give a bye the other day. I am revered by my male friends and my husband’s male friends as a rational and reasonable woman - like they compliment me on it - so I think I’m good. (Your wife let you buy that car?! Your wife doesn’t mind if you hang out here all weekend? Your wife plays video games?! Your wife still buys lingerie?!) ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/106 "2013-12-18T23:41:18Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > For me, its not the hint vs. list - its the understanding of my tastes and the indication that my spouse has put forth effort. So it isn’t hints for me at all. Huh. You know, it occurs to me that while my husband and I don’t do this – and it’s not that I don’t enjoy getting thoughtful presents from him, it’s more that he tends to give them to me when he finds them, which may mean I get a Halloween present instead of a Christmas present (and I do the same for him) – my sister and I exchange Christmas and birthday presents every year, and although sometimes the present has been late it would seem less like Christmas without that exchange. So okay, I do get what you are talking about 🙂 > [@delphica](#): > > Oh, I just thought of a good analogy for how I feel about this. Cooking – if a person loves to cook, and invites me over for dinner, and prepares a gorgeous, complicated meal, I am delighted. Food! I love it! If another person is not that into cooking, and in fact, it would be a real effort, and not a pleasant one, to make a home-cooked meal, I would feel badly if that person did it anyway because of a perception that I would somehow link the value of our friendship to the kind of meal served. Hey, let’s order a pizza and have a great conversation! Let’s everyone stick to their strengths, is how I feel about this. I absolutely love this. > [@Dangerosa](#): > > How about if your friend cooks complicated meals for other people, but despite knowing that you like food, when you come over, he opens up a can of Ragu? We… kind of… do this too? We’re much more likely to cook an interesting meal, complete with a homemade dessert, if we have guests over, and much more likely to have Ragu if it’s just us, even though we like food as much as our guests do. Does your husband enjoy getting a gift for his mother? I used to shop for my mom every Christmas, even after my husband and I stopped exchanging regular gifts, and I hated every moment of it, but I knew she expected a gift. (Now we just give her photo albums of the grandkid every year, and she’s happy and we’re happy.) ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/107 "2013-12-18T23:57:31Z")
I’m not into getting gifts. I don’t hate to receive gifts and I don’t sneer at them or anything of the sort, but they just don’t matter to me. My husband and I do not exchange Christmas gifts. There are a lot of stereotypes being flung around in this thread, and some of them are really damaging. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/108 "2013-12-19T00:04:33Z")
> [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](#): > > \ > > Him: Are we getting each other Christmas presents this year? > Me: Nah. We just bought each other a bitchin new TV. That’s plenty. > Him: OK, I wanted to really make sure . . . > Me: I get it - you don’t want me to wind up getting something for you, and then you’re standing there on Christmas with your dick in your hand. > Him: Well, that \*would \*be something for you.\ Heh - four years ago, we had bought a new house in August (using his salary alone - I wasn’t working at the time). Come my birthday in November, I asked my husband what he was getting me for my birthday. He said, “I just bought you a house - what more do you want?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/109 "2013-12-19T00:08:19Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I am revered by my male friends and my husband’s male friends as a rational and reasonable woman - like they compliment me on it - so I think I’m good. Wrong direction. If my wife is a fine spouse the rest of the year, maybe I don’t need to place so much emphasis on the sentimental value of a tchotchke that one day. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/110 "2013-12-19T00:08:25Z")
Ha, it occurred to me after my previous post that that I’m just like **Dangerosa** ’s (ex?-)husband – I buy my sister, but not my spouse, a Christmas present that I’ve put a lot of thought into, and I would scorn buying her a present from a list. There are a couple of reasons for this. One is that my sister and I both make jewelry and love homemade gifts, so we gift each other jewelry a lot. (My husband, unfortunately, is not really into homemade jewelry, or else he’d be getting it for Christmas too.) Another is that my sister and I talk a _lot_ more about things we like – hardly a week goes by where we don’t discuss whatever book/TV-show/movie is on our mind, whereas my husband and I tend to talk more about our kid, or the Straight Dope, or math, or science fiction we have already both read, which is a bit less of a fertile ground for presents. And also that my sister and I both like _things_ for the sake of the things themselves. She likes little shiny things, signed books, she’s got that thrill of ownership. My husband tends to want to own things because they have a particular function, which is rather harder to buy for because a) you have to know exactly what the function is, and b) if he needs it to do something, he’ll usually just buy it himself. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/111 "2013-12-19T00:11:37Z")
> [@Silvorange](#): > > Today is my birthday. \ Happy Birthday! ---
**Author:** ![Silvorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Silvorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silvorange)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/112 "2013-12-19T00:23:51Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Happy Birthday! Thank you! ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/113 "2013-12-19T00:48:41Z")
This may only apply to 50% of guys in LTRs, but I’m betting it’s more: Dude, you know all those catalogs laying around the house? the ones you keep sneaking into the trash when she’s not looking? Have you ever noticed how the corners are turned down on some of the pages? THAT’s WHAT SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS!!! It’s also why she gets pissed off when you ask her what she wants. It reminds her that you tossed the @#&$\* catalogs. You’re welcome. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/114 "2013-12-19T01:23:48Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > Wrong direction. If my wife is a fine spouse the rest of the year, maybe I don’t need to place so much emphasis on the sentimental value of a tchotchke that one day. So I should be a raving bitch all the time and get lots of diamonds? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/115 "2013-12-19T01:25:03Z")
> [@raspberry\_hunter](#): > > Ha, it occurred to me after my previous post that that I’m just like **Dangerosa** ’s (ex?-)husband – I buy my sister, but not my spouse, a Christmas present that I’ve put a lot of thought into, and I would scorn buying her a present from a list. > > There are a couple of reasons for this. One is that my sister and I both make jewelry and love homemade gifts, so we gift each other jewelry a lot. (My husband, unfortunately, is not really into homemade jewelry, or else he’d be getting it for Christmas too.) Another is that my sister and I talk a _lot_ more about things we like – hardly a week goes by where we don’t discuss whatever book/TV-show/movie is on our mind, whereas my husband and I tend to talk more about our kid, or the Straight Dope, or math, or science fiction we have already both read, which is a bit less of a fertile ground for presents. And also that my sister and I both like _things_ for the sake of the things themselves. She likes little shiny things, signed books, she’s got that thrill of ownership. My husband tends to want to own things because they have a particular function, which is rather harder to buy for because a) you have to know exactly what the function is, and b) if he needs it to do something, he’ll usually just buy it himself. Is he ok with it? Then you are good. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/116 "2013-12-19T01:42:33Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > This may only apply to 50% of guys in LTRs, but I’m betting it’s more: > > Dude, you know all those catalogs laying around the house? the ones you keep sneaking into the trash when she’s not looking? Have you ever noticed how the corners are turned down on some of the pages? > > THAT’s WHAT SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS!!! It’s also why she gets pissed off when you ask her what she wants. It reminds her that you tossed the @#&$\* catalogs. > > You’re welcome. Everything about this post made me completely confused. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/117 "2013-12-19T01:58:14Z")
My wife doesn’t know it yet, but I bought her a pair of cherry 10 hole Doc Marten bootsfor Christmas because she’s wanted them ever since she was 15 but felt guilty splurging that much money on herself. And an ammonite necklace. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/118 "2013-12-19T01:58:31Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Everything about this post made me completely confused. Hand in your woman card! ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/119 "2013-12-19T02:25:15Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > This may only apply to 50% of guys in LTRs, but I’m betting it’s more: > > Dude, you know all those catalogs laying around the house? the ones you keep sneaking into the trash when she’s not looking? Have you ever noticed how the corners are turned down on some of the pages? > > THAT’s WHAT SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS!!! It’s also why she gets pissed off when you ask her what she wants. It reminds her that you tossed the @#&$\* catalogs. I love that so many people in this thread are holding up their own personal gift giving style as something that’s totally universal. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/120 "2013-12-19T02:35:42Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > I love that so many people in this thread are holding up their own personal gift giving style as something that’s totally universal. 50% or more = Totally Universal? Damn, no wonder I had so much trouble with algebra. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534.md?page=7)