# An annual reminder for all you moms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 17, 2013, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534 "2013-12-17T06:14:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Nisslbody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Nisslbody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nisslbody)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/121 "2013-12-19T02:38:42Z")
I know this is probably kind of too cheerful for this Debbie Downer of a thread, but I just wanted to say that one of the nicest things anyone has ever given me was the time my then-husband leapt out of bed (where I was nursing our month-old baby) and disappeared, only to return with a Snickers bar. Exhausted from the rigors of new parenthood, we had both forgotten it was Valentine’s Day. I cried… not because I’m attached to Valentine’s Day, and not because he bought me a gift, but because he noticed and remembered that my favorite candy is Snickers bars. To me, when someone notices and remembers something that small, it’s special. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/122 "2013-12-19T02:39:32Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > 50% or more = Totally Universal? Damn, no wonder I had so much trouble with algebra. Qualifications, squalifications. Everyone in this thread is laying out their situation as THE WAY THIS IS DONE. Just because you tacked a percentage on the top of yours doesn’t make it any less ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Nisslbody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Nisslbody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nisslbody)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/123 "2013-12-19T02:40:00Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > My wife doesn’t know it yet, but I bought her a pair of cherry 10 hole Doc Marten bootsfor Christmas because she’s wanted them ever since she was 15 but felt guilty splurging that much money on herself. And an ammonite necklace. THIS. THIS THIS THIS. I actually teared up a little. That’s SO AWESOME. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/124 "2013-12-19T02:42:31Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > My wife doesn’t know it yet, but I bought her a pair of cherry 10 hole Doc Marten bootsfor Christmas because she’s wanted them ever since she was 15 but felt guilty splurging that much money on herself. And an ammonite necklace. Awwwwww. You’re a keeper, you are. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/125 "2013-12-19T02:44:53Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Qualifications, squalifications. > > Everyone in this thread is laying out their situation as THE WAY THIS IS DONE. Just because you tacked a percentage on the top of yours doesn’t make it any less ridiculous. 75% of this thread is ridiculous. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/126 "2013-12-19T02:58:01Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Qualifications, squalifications. > > Everyone in this thread is laying out their situation as THE WAY THIS IS DONE. Just because you tacked a percentage on the top of yours doesn’t make it any less ridiculous. Everyone includes you, you know; unless you’d like to tack on a “squalifier” there. . . 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nisslbody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Nisslbody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nisslbody)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/127 "2013-12-19T03:04:08Z")
Because I’m super-broke, I’m buying my children shit they would never expect. 1. A switchblade 2. A fancy pipe 3. A huge jar of Nutella 4. Petticoats ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/128 "2013-12-19T07:09:49Z")
I just started a similar thread on another website that’s mostly women, and am getting a lot of people who agree with me. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/129 "2013-12-19T11:43:08Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Everything about this post made me completely confused. Apparently, that’s what all women do because the ladies in TruCelt’s house do it that way. At least, that’s what I got out of it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/130 "2013-12-19T13:31:18Z")
**Sigmagirl** , I feel the same way reading this thread. Then I feel terrible for being petty and shallow and materialistic. For our ten year anniversary I got him hand blown wine glasses that he loves (he likes his wine) and a surprise remodel of the living room including a new floor. I can still picture him walking in and just standing there with his mouth open. It must’ve taken him 5 minutes before he could speak. He got me nothing. One time, just one time, it made me cry. It was after my sister & BIL’s five year anniversary, and she showed me this lovely little pink flawed diamond ring he had got her. I held it together but burst into tears on the way home. I told him why and felt so incredibly stupid and petty. But I can’t help it, that was nearly three years ago and I still feel sad about it. I could deal with all the Christmases and birthdays that he didn’t really get me anything thoughtful (I once got finger paints, and another time a note saying we would go on holiday, which we didn’t do), if he had got me _anything_ for our ten year anniversary. I shouldn’t complain. He’s a wonderful man, he really is. He loves me, helps me with everything, he’s generous, loves my family, boasts about me at work, tells me I’m beautiful, he rubs my back, fixes my mum’s computer, does silly dances to make me laugh. He remembers all our anniversaries, even the half-years. He makes me croissants for breakfast almost every weekend, and that’s no joke! He’s a dream and I am very lucky. But I did want, just for once, something that he thought about and picked out for me to mark the occasion. It’s not the way he was raised. My in-laws, who I adore, get me really thoughtful and far too generous gifts. My FIL got me my first ever new-from-a-shop bicycle. My late grandmother-in-law only started giving me 10 euro notes long after she couldn’t leave the house any more to go shopping, and then after she could no longer knit me things. If he asks I’ll tell him things I would like, I remind him he could ask my sisters, my mum, his sister, or any of our mutual friends to go shopping with him. I randomly tell him things that I need: gloves, a scarf. It’s not a case of too-subtle hints, it’s not that I say not to get me anything. We do gifts for Christmas, he loves everything I get him. (Really, last year I got him a tent and he was so happy he wanted to sleep in it out in the garden.) I think it’s just that he is really not materialistic himself, which I think is a nice quality in him. But as this thread makes clear, it’s the _thought_ that you really want for Christmas. I wouldn’t care if he wrote me a song, baked me a cake, knitted me socks or made me a coaster out of dental sticks, if it just showed that he thought about me. It’s not going to happen. I need to pull myself together and stop reading this thread. He’s wonderful and he has one flaw. I need to just let it go. Normally I’m good at it. Like I said, the only time I really cared was the anniversary. It’s fine: he loves me and he shows me in other ways. OK. Good to go again. Phew. Thanks for listening. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/131 "2013-12-19T13:51:07Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > **Sigmagirl** , I feel the same way reading this thread. Then I feel terrible for being petty and shallow and materialistic. > > For our ten year anniversary I got him hand blown wine glasses that he loves (he likes his wine) and a surprise remodel of the living room including a new floor. I can still picture him walking in and just standing there with his mouth open. It must’ve taken him 5 minutes before he could speak. > > He got me nothing. > > One time, just one time, it made me cry. It was after my sister & BIL’s five year anniversary, and she showed me this lovely little pink flawed diamond ring he had got her. I held it together but burst into tears on the way home. I told him why and felt so incredibly stupid and petty. But I can’t help it, that was nearly three years ago and I still feel sad about it. I could deal with all the Christmases and birthdays that he didn’t really get me anything thoughtful (I once got finger paints, and another time a note saying we would go on holiday, which we didn’t do), if he had got me _anything_ for our ten year anniversary. > > I shouldn’t complain. He’s a wonderful man, he really is. He loves me, helps me with everything, he’s generous, loves my family, boasts about me at work, tells me I’m beautiful, he rubs my back, fixes my mum’s computer, does silly dances to make me laugh. He remembers all our anniversaries, even the half-years. He makes me croissants for breakfast almost every weekend, and that’s no joke! He’s a dream and I am very lucky. But I did want, just for once, something that he thought about and picked out for me to mark the occasion. > > It’s not the way he was raised. My in-laws, who I adore, get me really thoughtful and far too generous gifts. My FIL got me my first ever new-from-a-shop bicycle. My late grandmother-in-law only started giving me 10 euro notes long after she couldn’t leave the house any more to go shopping, and then after she could no longer knit me things. > > If he asks I’ll tell him things I would like, I remind him he could ask my sisters, my mum, his sister, or any of our mutual friends to go shopping with him. I randomly tell him things that I need: gloves, a scarf. It’s not a case of too-subtle hints, it’s not that I say not to get me anything. We do gifts for Christmas, he loves everything I get him. (Really, last year I got him a tent and he was so happy he wanted to sleep in it out in the garden.) > > I think it’s just that he is really not materialistic himself, which I think is a nice quality in him. But as this thread makes clear, it’s the _thought_ that you really want for Christmas. I wouldn’t care if he wrote me a song, baked me a cake, knitted me socks or made me a coaster out of dental sticks, if it just showed that he thought about me. > > It’s not going to happen. I need to pull myself together and stop reading this thread. He’s wonderful and he has one flaw. I need to just let it go. Normally I’m good at it. Like I said, the only time I really cared was the anniversary. It’s fine: he loves me and he shows me in other ways. OK. Good to go again. Phew. Thanks for listening. This is beautiful. Thank for sharing it! ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/132 "2013-12-19T13:53:14Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Apparently, that’s what all women do because the ladies in TruCelt’s house do it that way. At least, that’s what I got out of it. 😉 Again with the 50% or more = “all” thing. Must be that “New Math” they were talking about. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/133 "2013-12-19T13:54:11Z")
**gracer** , what was your husband’s reaction when you explained why you had broken down in tears about your sister’s gift from her husband? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/134 "2013-12-19T13:58:54Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Everyone includes you, you know; unless you’d like to tack on a “squalifier” there. . . I haven’t told anyone how gift giving SHOULD be done. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/135 "2013-12-19T14:10:20Z")
> [@bup](#): > > I glazed over _just reading about_ the minefield your husband navigates. WTH? Googling “statement necklace” is a minefield? I had no idea what it was either, but I googled it, and in less than 30 seconds I not only knew what one was, I found multiple places to buy one at. We’re also talking about a woman with a personal shopper and multiple friends/relatives who know her likes and dislikes. Given what she posted, I think I could buy **Dangerosa** a lovely present and I’ve never met her in my life. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/136 "2013-12-19T14:22:28Z")
I am trying to pull it together myself, and this thread has helped. When Christmas morning arrives, and he gives me miscellaneous stuff from the outlet mall that he probably hasn’t even wrapped, I will probably tell him how much I love it and let it go. And then maybe someday I will get it together enough to tell him that he can do better and that it will be much easier on him if he 1) starts earlier and 2) _listens._ Like at my birthday, he will tell me I can get myself anything I want. Well, of course I can. We’re reasonably well off, not rich, but I know that if I walk into a store and see a sweater I like, I can buy it without worrying about his reaction. There are those who have posted in this thread who would find that the ideal solution – buy your own present! I find that incredibly depressing. Should I then give it to him to wrap and pretend to be surprised when I open it on Christmas morning? It’s like “I’m going to sit right down and write myself a letter, and make believe it came from you.” Because you didn’t fucking bother to write. After my birthday, when he gave me a set of spatulas from the outlet mall and the “get yourself anything you want,” I found a pair of earrings I liked on Etsy. I looked at them for quite a while. I just never bought them. It made me too sad. BTW, I definitely would not characterize my husband as a workaholic. His employer is dumping much more on him than they should, and he is desperately trying to get them to hire someone to help him. He’s begun sending out feelers for other jobs, because they’re just going to work him to death. That’s the main reason I cut him so much slack. But he should refer to 1) above – START EARLIER. Sorry for the rant. I know I sound like a petty, materialistic bitch. Thanks for listening. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/137 "2013-12-19T14:25:21Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > WTH? Googling “statement necklace” is a minefield? I had no idea what it was either, but I googled it, and in less than 30 seconds I not only knew what one was, I found multiple places to buy one at. > > We’re also talking about a woman with a personal shopper and multiple friends/relatives who know her likes and dislikes. Given what she posted, I think I could buy **Dangerosa** a lovely present and I’ve never met her in my life. I wear a lot of purple. 🙂 My personal shopper knows this. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/138 "2013-12-19T14:38:05Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I just started a similar thread on another website that’s mostly women, and am getting a lot of people who agree with me. > > :dubious: Weird! It’s almost as if women aren’t a hive mind and instead each have their own opinion! ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/139 "2013-12-19T14:45:21Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Again with the 50% or more = “all” thing. Must be that “New Math” they were talking about. > > :rolleyes: Sorry, I replied before reading the entire thread. I should have erased it, but was called away from the computer. ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534/140 "2013-12-19T14:47:20Z")
I had no idea what a “statement necklace” was, so I, too, Googled it, and now I know what one is. It’s still a fucking minefield. There are all kinds of them. All kinds of colors, all kinds of styles, different sizes. I don’t know that I could ever go out and buy one for my wife (well, not that she would want one). I bought my wife a bathrobe one year, and even that was hard. What color? What style? What fabric? Does she even want one? Buy her a statement necklace? There’s no way that’s happening. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-annual-reminder-for-all-you-moms/676534.md?page=8)