# An apology and some clarifications **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 9, 2002, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058 "2002-05-09T11:41:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![flyboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4da419/32.png) [@flyboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flyboy)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/41 "2002-05-09T15:07:37Z")
I agree with **kabbes** on this. I think **Opal** is great and a mainstay of the boards. I have no ill will toward her. And I wasn’t bothered by her analogy. I was, however, bothered by her reaction to **DF** and unwillingess, even here, to apologize to him or at least to acknowledge that her reaction to his post may have been a bit overblown. Why does this bug me so much? DF posted a couple times, both very benign. He goes out of his way to say, in essence, Hey, I’m not bashing Opal’s ethics, but I just don’t get where she’s coming from. Opal then launches into him, using “clueless,” “dense,” “completely unaware,” and “uninformed,” and even takes a shot for him posting in what she (from the impression I got) thought should be a vegetarian-only thread. DF’s post could have just as easily been made my me. Again, I think you’re great, Opal, and I’m glad you started this thread. But your lack of address to DF is glaring to me and I honestly don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/42 "2002-05-09T15:24:25Z")
He was, in my opinion, deliberately trying to hijack the thread on a semantics issue. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/43 "2002-05-09T15:37:35Z")
There are probably better ways to respond to a perceived hijack, especially one that is basically a polite inquiry into the ethics underlying the question in the OP, than “clueless,” “dense,” “completely unaware,” and “uninformed.” I’m just sayin’, is all. ---
**Author:** ![Sgt.J](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sgt.J](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sgt.J)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/44 "2002-05-09T15:40:26Z")
It’s bad form to lecture someone who’s apologizing. This is when you’re supposed to say “OK, I accept, thank you.” (even if you don’t mean it). ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/45 "2002-05-09T15:44:45Z")
I accept Opal’s apology, but why should people just accept a blanket statement if they still have some questions they want cleared up? If Opal clarifies a few things to a few people then perhaps more people will mean it when they say “I accept.” Like Coldie, for instance, who wonders why he was singled out as the biggest jerk ever. j ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/46 "2002-05-09T15:45:03Z")
No **Sgt J** , that is not how it works. This is a post mortem into what happened to try to stop it happening again. The cycle of argument-contrition-argument helps noone. When it’s a first offence, you shrug and say don’t do it again. When it is repeat behaviour you say “Cool and thanks. Now here’s what _I_ think happened and how it could have been avoided”. Or at least, you do if you care about the individuals involved. Because you don’t _want_ to see them fight. In the past or future. pan ---
**Author:** ![flyboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4da419/32.png) [@flyboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flyboy)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/47 "2002-05-09T16:01:29Z")
I totally disagree, **Sgt. J**. From what I saw in the thread in question, there were two issues she was called out for: the analogy, and attacking DF. She apologized for and explained the analogy, but didn’t address her attacks on DF. Why should I accept an apology for the former without understanding why she didn’t offer an apology for the latter (the more egregious offense, IMO)? I’m glad she answered my question, though I have to admit it will color my perception of her from now on. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/48 "2002-05-09T16:05:15Z")
FWIW: I never thought of **Opal** as an idiot. Fucking or otherwise. I **am** happy that this thread seems to be drawing to a close. Quasimodem ---
**Author:** ![Sgt.J](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sgt.J](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sgt.J)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/49 "2002-05-09T16:27:56Z")
I completely understand what you guys are saying, but it seems kind of unrealistic to expect to hammer someone into contrition on a litany of fronts. I thought **that** was continuing the cycle of argument. I’m from the “Operant Conditioning” school. You’re not going to train people to apologize and be civil unless you accept it graciously (even if it’s flawed). Be that as it may, it’s just IMHO, so carry on… ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/50 "2002-05-09T16:32:13Z")
> [@](#): > > A list isn’t a list if there are less than 3 items. > > 1. Hi Opal. > > :::d&r::: I stayed completely out of this entire issue – people I care about on both sides, and no issue that warranted me antagonizing any of them. But I have to post to commend **Diane** for _le mot juste_ to tie this thread off properly – **Opal** , m’dear, you’ve been hoist with your own petard!! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/51 "2002-05-09T16:40:57Z")
heheh polycarp said ‘petard’ heheh ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/52 "2002-05-09T16:41:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OpalCat \* > \*\*1) define frequent > 2) I’m sorry. I’m bipolar. It isn’t an excuse but it is the truth. \*\* So what? I mean, I think **Doghouse Reilly** was an absolute SHIT to bring something like that up. So you’re bipolar. I’m obsessive compulsive. For someone to use something like in a Pit thread is, in my mind, morally bankrupt and disgusting. Go to hell, **Doghouse Reilly** ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/53 "2002-05-09T16:51:10Z")
That is NOT my petard! Mine had a stain on it ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/54 "2002-05-09T16:59:21Z")
[sub]sssh! you get a new, unstained petard out of the deal! don’t mess it up by admitting it’s not yours![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/55 "2002-05-09T17:02:07Z")
This whole thread is petarded. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/56 "2002-05-09T17:02:37Z")
Apologizing on the Internet is like confessing on a ship: Even if you win, you’re still petarded. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/57 "2002-05-09T18:43:50Z")
OPAL, I think starting this thread was a stand-up thing to do, and I greatly respect you for having done it. Well done. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/58 "2002-05-09T19:57:01Z")
Okay! Whattya say we all join hands and start singing “Kum-Bye-Yah!” ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/59 "2002-05-09T20:24:01Z")
Euty is a petard ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2002, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058/60 "2002-05-09T20:29:00Z")
Oh, eat my petard. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-and-some-clarifications/108058.md?page=4)